Ask a Psychiatrist and Get Answers to Mental Health Questions ASAP
Hey you! I just saw this email too! Thank you - I'm going to respond in sections.
First off, having the restraint to not look at your psych records is amazing. I applaud you if you were able to do that. It must be tempting, but I completely agree that its probably better not to. I know for a fact that I wouldn't want to read my own medical records - too many things could be potentially misinterpreted or taken out of context! So, fabulous job!
Second, being able to care for others (the lovely kids) is a great sign. I think it can be healing to know that you're doing something generous and loving and it can be affirming to know that you have the fortitude to be a great example for them. This is progress!
As for the testing results, it sounds like you're not too nervous and I don't think you should be. Testing is just bringing out another piece of you - highlighting some of your emotions or idiosyncratic interpretations, maybe, but nonetheless, you. So I don't think you'll be shocked by anything you hear. From what you shared above I can tell that you are very detailed (possibly a bit obsessive compulsive) and that you are sad. The inclusion of dead or damaged images in response to Rorschach cards usually indicates that there is some depression going on. What I also know is that you are an incredibly open and self-aware person. The testing results will just be another weapon in your arsenal to use. These are all positives in my book! I can't tell you how proud I am of you completing the testing so efficiently and bravely. :)
It's good that your psychologist will be there for the results. She will be able to help put them in a useful context for you. I do testing and evaluation all the time in my job actually, but I do risk assessment primarily now (rather than personality testing). Giving results is an art form, I think - - - and some psychologists are better at it than others. Overall I just encourage people to remember that the results are only one piece of the puzzle. They're a snapshot in time of a particular piece of a person's functioning. They're a tool to help you learn and grow, not a judgment. So, if there's anything that upsets you, just remember that it's one piece - not a whole portrait.
The last thing I can say is that while I can't comment on you as a whole either (because I only see one piece) - I can say that the piece I see of you is encouraging, inspiring, and doesn't give up.
I look forward to hearing more and wish you the best!