Dear Dr. A-Greene,
Today is another pretty good day. Actually a good day . . . just reticent to admit it and possibly to jinks it by acknowledging it fully - silly of me.
I'm on a computer, instead of typing on my phone so this is going to be a catch-up with you e-mail. There is some therapeutic benefit to me in just sharing with you because I feel like you actually are "in my corner." Thank you.
I see new psychiatrist on Monday at 11:00 a.m. Entire psych record from last doctor copied and ready for me to pick-up at their medical records department. Personally, I don't want to be tempted to read my own psych records. I think that it could be upsetting. So, I'm just going to pick them up on the way to the appt with the new doctor. Good self-care, right?
I've been feeling well enough to do some things for other people . . . good sign. Yesterday I helped a friend cut out and glue things to prepare for her child's Easter party at school - the craft part obviously. We had fun and I not only sped her up but enhanced the project because I am a little more creative at that sort of thing. She was very pleased. We laughed at all our blunders and it felt great. Today, I have dropped by a friend's house to babysit her two grandkids that she and her husband are raising. They are both special needs kids on the autism
spectrum with muscular dystrophy to boot. They know me well and call me "Aunt Sara" so I am one of the few caretakers they will readily accept. My friend's husband had some tests of his heart day-before-yesterday and they got a call to come in together to discuss some unfavorable findings. I'm glad that I could come over so that she had less stress
because she knows the kids are comfortable with me. I'm watching the 11 yo on a monitor play in her room, and the 9 yo is on the computer that is right next to this one.
I'm not so nervous about receiving psych testing results as I thought I would be. I could see that the tests did
bring out things in me and that a different person could have responded entirely differently - to the projective tests I'm mainly addressing. It was really quite interesting. My answers were very detailed (oh, you're so shocked :) ). I also very readily saw images in the ink blots which surprised me. My psychologist told me that the one who had administered the tests did tell her that she noted that many of my responses to the inkblots were highly atypical. She also said that she saw a lot of trauma response, depression and anxiety
throughout the tests. That is really all I know so far, but that part seems accurate.
This one inkblot got to be badly because I saw Christ hanging on the cross in the top third and he had a detailed face and body beneath a piece of somewhat transparent fabric hanging over is body. I saw the image of the shadow of his body beneath the fabric. His arms and hands had been changed into those of an insect. Dead mice laid beneath the cross -- quite a bit lower in the blot. The examiner hadn't even fully removed her hand from the card before I was aghast and said, "That is sac-religious!" That was one of my atypical responses I'm told - no doubt I guess. My psychologist (therapist) told me that the images really are just ink blots. I had very strong reactions to most of them. Much more so than the TAT storytelling. Interesting.
I also kept asking for breaks between tests. She was trying to just give me tests back-to-back without a moment to breath. I felt exhausted and often wept or teared-up which just reflects how intense it was for me. The test of sentence completion was last of all and it was the hardest for me. So much on my mind was so sad
, worried or troubled. Putting it down on paper really got to me, but I trudged forward and got them all answered. I never asked for a break during a test. I could tell that not everyone asks for breaks, but of course she didn't mind. It was expected to take 3 hours and it took me 2 hours and 50 minutes.
Well, the kids want to play in the backyard so I'm going to go out there with them.
What do you think the feedback session will be like? My therapist will be there too. Sara
When I find out my test results I'll share the jist of them with you. Do you do psych testing yourself at your job? My psychologist said that she didn't stay current with testing matters and relies on the psychologist who specialize in testing at her psychiatric clinic.
I'm hoping that the new psychiatrist will put me back on Cymbalta or at least some antidepressant. I think that I did better in the past with it. I wonder what she'll do with the Lamictal. I suspect she'll keep me on it for the time being. It might be helping. Hopefully, the testing will help us determine whether I really am bipolar
. That would help direct my medication needs.