How are you?
I just need some help with something if that is ok, i need an outside clear eye to help me understand what is going on.
I am having a hard time thinking of that dark voice i told you about as me, this doesnt make sense to me.
I would really like to describe what happened in therapy today and see if you can understand what is happening, my therapist thinks the dark v is in the air and causing stuff to be funny
My therapist says i never give her any detail that i always skirt over things or use half sentances. I wrote to her before the session explaining that i dont talk to the dv it talks to me, i am supposed to gent in touch wiht it and ask its real name, I find the idea of this frightnening.
and when i have tried it it is like i get cut off from myself and fuzzed out of my own brain also when i have tried that i get this other stuff going on which is a couple of kids bouncing around the place shouting like kids wiht their hands over their ear teasing the dv, saying lets call it names that are silly for it etc. i know this all sounds sill and i dont understand it or believe it myself.
the thing is my therapist was very frustrated with me today and my lack of detail but what she doesnt seem to get is that i havent spoken about this stuff really and there is no more detailed information i dont have detail about anything, then when she gets frustrated and withdraws i freeze up and panic
and i cant find a detail if it hit me in the face.
she says that i dont give her precise details of the conversation in my head but she doesnt know that that is tricky and i am all over the place and it is hard to keep hold of those things
i know its frustrating but i have no more that the first line or sentance of anything to do with me, i only have surface. i think this is because when i was little i used to answer questions as neutrally as possible because
if i gave an answer and it was not the right one i would be for it and if i said nothing i would be for it
My therapist said she doesnt understand how i will do what the dv says when i wont talk to it, when she says this it feels like she is headmistressy and it frightens me like she doesnt believe me and she is going to say that i am wrong, but she doesnt understand that the dark voice makes me do stuff sometimes, sometimes i dont know what is going on and sometimes its just so powerful that you do it.
it annoys my therapist that i dont know things but when i dont know its as if my mind has been fuzzed away from me or emptied out or gone blank and also if i panic because she is being cool with me i cant think
I feel that the whole session was quite weird
Can you help me understand and if you think I am being ridiculous or a liar please tell me because i dont know whether i am coming or going