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Ryan LCSW, Mental Health
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 872
Experience:  Individual and Family Therapist
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My ex want to have a psychological assessment following her

Customer Question

My ex want to have a psychological assessment following her false claims that she was domestically abused. After over a year of no direct and indirect contact with her and she have had several botched moved on partners (heartbreak relationship) following over a year of our separation.
Submitted: 5 years ago.
Category: Mental Health
Expert:  Ryan LCSW replied 5 years ago.
Hey there,

I'm sorry to hear about this situation with your ex. Do you need help finding a psychologist in your area?
Customer: replied 5 years ago.
No, just asking what essence and connection with my ex psychological state got to do with me after she has moved on with couple of guys for over a year following our separation (no direct and indirect contact) and she had heartbreaking relationship from those guys.
Expert:  Ryan LCSW replied 5 years ago.
I'm not sure I completely understand your question. Is it possible for you to explain your situation in more detail so that I can have a better understanding of how to help you out?


Customer: replied 5 years ago.

I have separated and divorced from my EX and we have a child together but we have had no direct and indirect contact for over a year after she falsely alleged that I domestically abused her and threatened which she used to prevent me access to our child. She has moved on with couple of guys (ofcourse one after another) that ended in heartbreaking relationship.


Now, after over a year that I am about to rebuild my relationship with our child, she want to have a psychological assessment on herself with respect to I having relationship with our child.


My question is what relevance has that got to do with me having relationship with our child.

Expert:  Ryan LCSW replied 5 years ago.
Thank you for clarifying your question.

Her psychological assessment of herself should not have anything to do with you having a relationship with your child. The only relevance would be whether she is getting an assessment done on herself to make sure she is emotionally capable of handling your relationship with your child. In that case, she may be trying to prepare for this rebuilding process by getting this assessment so that she can find out how she can best handle this situation personally.

If she has been through problems and has falsely accused you of abuse, it could be a good thing that she is getting a psychological assessment, and if she needs psychological help, they would be able to recommend that for her. I don't see a way that this could have a negative impact on you seeing your child, and if this leads to your ex getting proper help for some of these problems she's been through, it could actually be a benefit to you.

I hope I've been able to answer your question and I certainly wish you the best. If I can be of any more help just let me know.

Customer: replied 5 years ago.
I wish that is the motive but I am having a feeling that she wants to use that to support her false claims that I am a threat to her and our child and allowing me near our child will affect her ability (her welfare) to look after our child. So I would like to be sure that the psychological assessment has nothing to do with me since there have been other guys whom she has heartbreaking relationship since we separated and other issues she might have for over a year we separated.
Expert:  Ryan LCSW replied 5 years ago.
I can certainly understand your concern, and if that is the case, that is a very unfortunate situation. If she is unhappy with you being back in your child's life, it is possible that she could use an evaluation like that as leverage to show that it will affect her ability to look after your child. However, something like that can also backfire if she shows herself to be emotionally unstable or they determine that her existing problems currently affect her ability to look after your child, and that it has nothing to do with you.

The hope is that a psychologist will be able to see through any inconsistencies that she is showing in her story, and that they will be able to see whether or not she is manipulating the situation. Most psychologists are aware that people will manipulate evaluations like this, and they are especially mindful to avoid getting making improper recommendations when it comes to custody and visitation situations.
Customer: replied 5 years ago.

That's my worries, for sure she got issues and psychological problems. But I know it has nothing to do with me, but she is saying that is me.


she has moved on with her love life with other guys who unfortunately has caused her heartbreaks, she has lost her career, and has moved to a new career that she is currently struggling with, she got massive debts, she got weight issues, she has got depression before we even started dating, she now has chronic fatigue syndrome, fibromygia, ME. All these is what she is trying to rope me in and say that they were due to domestic abuse (emotional and threats).


So my question is how can I distance myself from it. I have had no direct and indirect contact with her

Expert:  Ryan LCSW replied 5 years ago.
It sounds like you already have distanced yourself from it by avoiding contact with her, which may be one of the best ways to handle this situation for now. If you do have to come in contact with her it would be best to be polite and friendly, but also to keep it relatively short and not to get too involved with her problems or issues. It is a sad situation that she is struggling with so much, and is blaming it on you. However considering the extent of all of these problems, it is most likely that a psychologist will quickly pick up on the fact that she has been depressed for a long time, and that this doesn't all have to do with you. In the meantime, anything you can do to avoid conflicts or confrontations with her would be best at least until you have established yourself as a safe person for your child to interact with, and she knows that you don't mean any harm.

I certainly wish you the best. At this point I've have to ask you to accept my answer by clicking the 'accept button, and if you'd like to continue the conversation by opening up a new question I'm more than happy to do that.

All the best,

Ryan LCSW and 2 other Mental Health Specialists are ready to help you
Customer: replied 5 years ago.
Expert:  Ryan LCSW replied 5 years ago.
No problem, I'm glad I could help. Good luck with everything.

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