Hi, I'm happy to try to help you. I am sorry to hear all this. I think your step son has shown his true colors to his dad, and his dad just doesn't want to see it. I'm sure there are many reasons for that. This young man has SERIOUS problems, and his behavior is unacceptable. You can't stop him from using your husband if your husband doesn't want to see it.
Have you and your husband had any therapy together for this? Would your h be willing to go? Has your step son had therapy?
apart from this situation, would you say you had a good marriage and were happy in it?
No, don't think my husband will. Step has not had any either. Don't think h thinks it is that serious.
Are you happy in your marriage apart from this?
Yes. We don't fight at all
How long is step supposed to be staying now?
Hopefully he won't come back. But there always seems to be a reason he comes back with h when he is taking him to go somewhere else to live.
How many years has this been going on?
Off and on at 17 at 20 then no word , no calling h and then came back cause had no place to go. This time it is worse.
do you think your h would be willing to make a deal with s that if he stays, he has to go to therapy?
Don't know. I don't think that will help this kid actually. He is really good at what he is doing. I could say he does or I go I guess. Just wish h would really see him.
I was going to suggest maybe giving h an ultimatum of he goes or you go but that is so very hard when you have an otherwise good marriage. it might be the only way though.
H is very nice and passive with him. Do you think this kid is sociopath?
You said other family have had problems with s. Do you think they'd be willing to support you in maybe doing what we call an intervention with your h, where you all sit down and discuss with him that he's not willing to look at the reality of the situation.
Definitely sounds like he could be a sociopath which is dangerous as I'm sure you realize.
I doubt it... I think they are afraid of him and don't want to tell h the truth. I even yelled at h and told him he didn't want to see the truth. He is hoping that we end up friends ! This kid hates me
Have you ever "threatened" your h that you will leave?
Told him I don't want to be here if he is here. He is trying to passify everything. Like he is the go between and he just wants it to not be happening. H thinks he was just like that when he was a kid. NOT in any shape or form. He is a good hearted man and I know he loves me. But this has gone bad
Does your h have other kids or do you have kids together?
Step is making him feel guilty
of course, s is very manipulative
No kids together. He has 3 with first marriage and a sister along with this one. His step sister and niece are the ones he tried to video in their bathroom. H knows. They told me, I told H when it happened
Has 5 all together.
No one wants to tell him things I guess. Denial? maybe
Do the other kids have any problems like this? Definitely denial!
No. His younger sis has some mood problems. We saved her from her mother. But she works and is very responsible at 23
The situation with your h is like dealing with someone who has an addiction and doesn't think they have a problem. You can't make an adult with addiction etc, get help if they don't want it. You can ONLY take care of yourself. Are you in a position to get help for yourself with a therapist through your insurance if you have it or pay privately?
How serious do you think this is with step?
That is probably the best thing you could do for yourself at this time and tell your h you are going so you can figure out what you need to do for yourself in this situation, since he doesn't want to address it.
H feels like he is abandoning him I know it. Okay
You could consider temporarily separating for brief time to show your h you are serious. I think your s situation is VERY serious. I'm surprised he hasn't had any run in with the law or has he?
You are NOT abandoning him. Your h is putting peoples lives in danger by allowing this to happen.
He has stole bullets another time stole bacon of all things who knows what else
But has stole from family too
I know you love your h but honestly, his way of handling this is not acceptable. he needs therapy for himself too. He owes it to your marriage to get help with this.
We are great as partners But this is going to do us both in. I am worried that this kid would do something to me honestly
So he could make the situation work out his way
that sounds awful
You are right to be worried so you MUST take of your safety. what sounds awful? I didn't follow u.
That I could fell like he could do something to me
He has books on how to make bombs he is just really weird
he is scary
H just sees him as a lost boy
H has made him pack up his stuff to go..... first time he brought him back now his stuff is in the cellar this time.
Yes but your fears are based on the reality of his behavior. Please get some help for yourself if nothing else. there are people you've seen in the news that had books on how to make bombs and look what happened in those situations. he is a lost boy. He cant be forced to get help either but may have a chance if your h sets limits with him and won't help him unless he gets help.
Is there anything else I can do to help?
No thank you very much for your time. Oh I accidentally paid an extra 22 dollars. Will that just stay on my account.
I appreciate you talking to me.
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Ok thanks again.