Hi, I'm happy to try to help you. Have you ever been tested for ADD?
What kind of doctors are prescribing your meds? Primary care doc or a psychiatrist?
who I see on a regular basis
I have had very limited therapy
A nurse practitioner would not be able to help you adequately with this. Do you have access to see a psychiatrist either under your health insurance if you have it, or out of pocket?
I would have to pay out of pocket and though it would be difficult to do this, I am willing to get the proper treatment
In the past time and money was a huge factor in seeking help due to the fact that I was working 14 hour days as an assistant horse trainer(does not make much money!)
it may be worth paying out of pocket to get evaluated by a psychiatrist who can properly evaluate possible ADD and your depression because once they figure out meds that can be helpful, you wouldn't have to consistently see them and pay a ton of money. It does sound like you have some ADD symptoms. There is a book called Driven to Distraction that is very good.
I am reluctant to try antidepressants again. Just came off pristiq and though I tapered it, I am still suffering very uncomfortable withdrawal symptoms (brain shocks, crying bouts, etc)
Although you've been on Pristiq and Lexapro for depression, there are various other AD meds you can try if you haven't already. There are potential for side effects from ANY meds and peoples body chemistry is different, so it's a matter of finding the right med. You may be having depression because you might have ADD that is untreated and you are struggling and thus causing depression.
I do carry a lot of grief and guilt on my shoulders which certainly does not help produce a sunny outlook
Can you explain, if comfortable, why you are carrying a lot of grief and guilt?
my actions affect those around me who find it very difficult to live with me, Im extremely sensitive and to know I have caused more harm than good in peoples lives is extremely unbearable
You mean your actions due to your possible ADD?
part of me just wants to accept the fact that I am lazy and incompetent, but if I could've changed it, wouldn't I have done so?
Trouble just seems to find me. Either Ive lost something very important, backed my car into something, AGAIN, forgotten to hold an appointment, etc, etc
If ADD is causing these problems, you are not lazy and incompetent. If $ has been a factor, you may have been reluctant to get help. That's understandable. I've seen lots of people come in my office on ADD meds and says their lives have changed.
didn't renew something important, etc etc
Do you have any health care coverage and if so, what does it cover? where do you live?
I have medical coverage, yes, but I do not believe it would cover therapy(though I need to verify this)....I am south of Dallas, tx
Yes, please check your coverage. You may be suprised. If it doesn't cover therapy, it might cover a psychiatrist as they are MDs. Also, many primary care docs dispense AD and ADD meds. Nurse practitioners are very helpful and well trained but depression and ADD are specialities. You may also want to check out what free/county services, if any, are available in your area. Take a supportive friend/relative with you to an appt if you are nervous going alone.
Please accept my answer if you feel i've been helpful and check out that back I suggested. Also do a search on the net for ADD support groups in your area.