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Dr. Olsen
Dr. Olsen, Psychologist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 2336
Experience:  PsyD Psychologist
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I broke up with my girlfriend of 5 years after always having

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I broke up with my girlfriend of 5 years after always having the feeling that she was always upto something behind my back. She was very social and and extrovert. Her best friend and I had a big fall out and my girlfriend would always take the side of her best friend and make me apologise to her to keep the piece. But I never once got an apology from her. It ended up I stopped socialising with my girlfriend and her friends. I was always paranoid when they went out. I started checking her phone, email, Facebook etc which Im not proud of. I found random numbers on her phone sometimes when she went out which I used to ring and hang up which I found out where guys. She always had an excuse of who it was and why she had the number. There were lots of senarios which she always had excuses for. Finally it got to much. I broke it off. she told me she was moving to another persons house but i found out she moved in with her best friend. She left in tears and told me she wanted to marry me and have a child and that she was moving out hoping it was only tempory and that she didn't want to date anyone else. But since within a week of leaving she is already seeing a guy which I found out by checking her phone accounts again. She denies that she has only dated the guy once which I don't no who he is. But the last 3 weeks she calls his number/txt at least 20 times a day and just today I seen some guy with her driving her car. Broke my heart. Feelings of all the other senarios have been going through my head thinking she lied about but I never had concrete proof and her best friend would always back her up. my question is. Do you think this is someone with a personality disorder. I can't stop checking her phone number Facebook etc I no its wrong but I can't stop. How do I stop thinking about what she's unto all the time. I can't seem to get on with my life. I feel like I'm isolating myself. And I get angry and send abusive texts. how do I stop??
Submitted: 5 years ago.
Category: Mental Health
Expert:  Dr. Olsen replied 5 years ago.
Hi there,
Thank you for writing in here.
I'm sorry to hear you.
It sounds like your girlfriend (your ex)of 5 years has been dishonest with you sometimes.
I can imagine how anxious you must have felt about her behavior.
Perhaps, your anxiety about her had to do with her dishonest behavior.
Possibly, she may have narcissistic or histrionic personality disorder as she may lie at times, be attention seeking, and dramatic in her behavior.
Unfortunately, you may have been trapped in always checking her activity as you knew she has been doing something behind your back.
You may have been obsessed with her as you are in love with her and you are constantly anxious about her behavior, action and motive.
She may not give you trust, peace and emotional stability as she may have emotional issues with people in general. Perhaps, she may be narcissistic as she feels she can be dishonest with you and doesn't want you to leave her unless she has another person to "focus" her.

I would advise you to start seeing a psychotherapist weekly for a few months to deal with your relationship with her and current big feelings. I can imagine how hurtful her behavior has been to you as you wanted to trust her and her words.
You may need to express and process all your feelings and thoughts about her with a counselor in order for you to move on from this relationship.

I hope you overcome this with available help.

Please let me know if you have more questions or I have overlooked any. Warm regards,

Customer: replied 5 years ago.
thanks for your reply. What should I do if she contacts me, still denying everything and she starts abusing me for checking up on her?? she blames me for everything??I then get start getting angry myself and start abusing her. she wrote letters to my family before I left saying that she hoped this was only temporary?? I seem to have a habit of getting into relationships where people are dishonest.
Expert:  Dr. Olsen replied 5 years ago.
Hi there,
Thank you for waiting. I was away from computer all day due to other duties.

Well, you may confront her about her lies if you can explain what you found about her - you saw some guy driving her car with her.
I can't imagine how she can deny all.
Can you still love her if she doesn't admit some of her lies?
I would advise you to ask yourself if you still can be with her though she may have serious emotional issues for the sake of your sanity.
Expert:  Dr. Olsen replied 5 years ago.
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