How JustAnswer Works:

  • Ask an Expert
    Experts are full of valuable knowledge and are ready to help with any question. Credentials confirmed by a Fortune 500 verification firm.
  • Get a Professional Answer
    Via email, text message, or notification as you wait on our site.
    Ask follow up questions if you need to.
  • 100% Satisfaction Guarantee
    Rate the answer you receive.

Ask Doctor Kevin Your Own Question

Doctor Kevin
Doctor Kevin, Ph.D.
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 1482
Experience:  25 years in private practice
16903060
Type Your Mental Health Question Here...
Doctor Kevin is online now
A new question is answered every 9 seconds

How do you deal with abordeline personality wife who will not

Customer Question

How do you deal with abordeline personality wife who will not see a divorce mediator and wants the kids but can't take care of them I will not go bankrupt again over her I want to do right by my kids but she is impossible I am afraid of her at times and I am 50 years old
Submitted: 2 years ago.
Category: Mental Health
Expert:  Doctor Kevin replied 2 years ago.

Dr.Kappler :

thank you for choosing just answer.you sound like know your wife very well and are concern that without the third person to mediate you will be at the mercy of her poor judgment.

Dr.Kappler :

people with borderline personality disorders can be very intimidating especially when they are feeling abandoned. They could easily fall into a rage that is difficult to negotiate

Dr.Kappler :

when you say you want to do right by your children what exactly does that mean for you?

Dr.Kappler :

I take it she has caused you such significant financial ruin that you have had declare bankruptcy and do not want to be in that same situation again

Dr.Kappler :

I see that you are standing by so I will await your response

Dr.Kappler :

Here is an excellent resource web site on dealing with a borderline in your family:
www.bpdfamily.com

Customer : I want custody of my kids especially my 15 and 9 year old can a mediator negotiate with someone like this? I hear all these horror stokes that fathers do not get the kids I am by far the sole provider and caretaker and the house is also in my name only I would prefer this not to be posted if
Customer : She states she will get me for everything the pension 401k the house and sole custody of the kids which to me seems like a joke she has not contributed as a mother, household duties,etc I have been doing everything but again a mediator is suggested for the cost and the focus is the children not what she wNts
Dr.Kappler :

I felt a mediator will be able to negotiate with someone who is unwilling to meet with them. In most states the nine-year-old will have some say in custody issues and the 15-year-old should be asked what their preferences is. You might want to consult with a family law attorney to draft up a proposal for custody to show her. If you leave a copy with her you may be able to reread it and realized that is sensible

Dr.Kappler :

your next question about her being able to read this post is that she cannot since I have asked to only you and I have access to this. There is a moderator who is available should there be a problem between us.

Customer : There is another very important matter if I highly suspect her daughter who I have been taking care of since 2 and the father has been giving child support for all these years is not his how nasty should I get because I know she is not his
Dr.Kappler :

Her statement of getting everything are far-fetched. Your attorney will be able to give you a definite answer. The state that I reside all of the assets are usually split in half.

Dr.Kappler :

As to the issue of her daughter an attorney will help you use that information to the best of your advantage. In most states if a parent has a child and there is no visitation from the other parent is considered abandonment and that parent loses their parental rights. Issues around child support are much more legal and psychological and an attorney will give you a good answer.

Dr.Kappler :

There are two important thing to keep in mind. The first is that you should have a reasonable proposal for her so that your bottom line is clearly stated. This avoids the emotional storm that results from her trying to gain control of the situation. Unfortunately borderline personality disorders sometimes perform extremely well in court and can be very persuasive. It would be a good idea see if this can all be decided upon without having to do battle in courtroom

Dr.Kappler :

I also have some general advice about coping strategies for dealing with borderline women which I would be glad to share with you. Unfortunately this website is not set up for telephone, safe

Dr.Kappler :

Sorry that is telephone conversation

Customer : Thanks no her father or the person she thinks is her father has been ok with her and gave child support. I foolishly spent 30'000 to get this child for her mother soon to be my x wife one day. I threatened her today after she said she is going to get everything I told her I will expose the truth to my 19 yo father that he was another sucker like me I just don't want to have to pay for her attorney and mine and have this ongoing battle with such a mentally I'll person
Customer : Can we talk offline for 30 minutes tomorrow and how much is your fee as I am distraught
Dr.Kappler :

.I agree that paying for two attorneys would be very costly. Some states allow one attorney to handle both sides of the divorce this may save you a considerable amount of money. As to threatening her to expose her behaviors or past you will find that she will retaliate rather than listen. This generally accepted escalation of threats until one person decide they've had enough and disengages.

Dr.Kappler :

You must remember that a borderline works extremely well if there is structure provided them. The core group a custody battle an argument with a known quantity is their cup of tea. Ambiguity silence and unstructured situation makes them very disorganized and chaotic. This is one advantage you have over this disorder since she has no idea about this.

Dr.Kappler :

I see that you are off-line. If my answer is sufficient please click the green accept button so that I may be paid. You can continue to ask questions after that

JustAnswer in the News:

 
 
 
Ask-a-doc Web sites: If you've got a quick question, you can try to get an answer from sites that say they have various specialists on hand to give quick answers... Justanswer.com.
JustAnswer.com...has seen a spike since October in legal questions from readers about layoffs, unemployment and severance.
Web sites like justanswer.com/legal
...leave nothing to chance.
Traffic on JustAnswer rose 14 percent...and had nearly 400,000 page views in 30 days...inquiries related to stress, high blood pressure, drinking and heart pain jumped 33 percent.
Tory Johnson, GMA Workplace Contributor, discusses work-from-home jobs, such as JustAnswer in which verified Experts answer people’s questions.
I will tell you that...the things you have to go through to be an Expert are quite rigorous.
 
 
 

What Customers are Saying:

 
 
 
  • I can go as far as to say it could have resulted in saving my sons life and our entire family now knows what bipolar is and how to assist and understand my most wonderful son, brother and friend to all who loves him dearly. Thank you very much Corrie Moll Pretoria, South Africa
< Last | Next >
  • I can go as far as to say it could have resulted in saving my sons life and our entire family now knows what bipolar is and how to assist and understand my most wonderful son, brother and friend to all who loves him dearly. Thank you very much Corrie Moll Pretoria, South Africa
  • I thank-you so much! It really helped to have this information and confirmation. We will watch her carefully and get her in for the examination and US right away if things do not improve. God bless you as well! Claudia Albuquerque, NM
  • Outstanding response time less than 6 minutes. Answered the question professionally and with a great deal of compassion. Kevin Beaverton, OR
  • Suggested diagnosis was what I hoped and will take this info to my doctor's appointment next week.
    I feel better already! Thank you.
    Elanor Tracy, CA
  • Thank you to the Physician who answered my question today. The answer was far more informative than what I got from the Physicians I saw in person for my problem. Julie Lockesburg, AR
  • You have been more help than you know. I seriously don't know what my sisters situation would be today if you had not gone above and beyond just answering my questions. John and Stefanie Tucson, AZ
  • I have been dealing with an extremely serious health crisis for over three years, and one your physicians asked me more questions, gave me more answers and encouragement than a dozen different doctors who have been treating me!! Janet V Phoenix, AZ
 
 
 

Meet The Experts:

 
 
 
  • Dr. Keane

    Therapist

    Satisfied Customers:

    1262
    Clinical Psychology PhD, Licensed Professional Counselor with experience in marriage/family, teens and child psychology.
< Last | Next >
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/DR/Dr.Keane/2013-8-20_204325_drkeane.64x64.jpg Dr. Keane's Avatar

    Dr. Keane

    Therapist

    Satisfied Customers:

    1262
    Clinical Psychology PhD, Licensed Professional Counselor with experience in marriage/family, teens and child psychology.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/RE/resolutions66/2011-1-17_05728_IMG8202smilingeditedforJustAnswer.64x64.jpg Elliott, LPCC, NCC's Avatar

    Elliott, LPCC, NCC

    Psychotherapist

    Satisfied Customers:

    5024
    35 years of experience as a Licensed Professional Clinical Counselor, National Certified Counselor and a college professor.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/formybunch/2010-12-06_191055_img_0975.jpg Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC's Avatar

    Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC

    Therapist

    Satisfied Customers:

    3733
    Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/DR/DrAkiraOlsen/2012-2-20_746_AkiraADpicmain.64x64.jpg Dr. Olsen's Avatar

    Dr. Olsen

    Psychologist

    Satisfied Customers:

    2336
    PsyD Psychologist
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/norriem/2009-5-27_134249_nm.jpg Norman M.'s Avatar

    Norman M.

    Psychotherapist

    Satisfied Customers:

    2193
    UK trained in hypnotherapy, counselling and psychotherapy and have been in private practice. ADHP(NC), DEHP(NC), UKCP Registered and ECP.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/PsychologyProf/2010-07-15_171248_logos060400409.jpg Dr. Michael's Avatar

    Dr. Michael

    Psychologist

    Satisfied Customers:

    2177
    Licensed Ph.D. Clinical Health Psychology with 30 years of experience in private practive and as a clinical psychology university professor.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/KURTEMMERLING/2010-07-23_215531_just_ask_picture1.jpg Steven Olsen's Avatar

    Steven Olsen

    Therapist

    Satisfied Customers:

    1727
    More than twenty years of expertise in counseling, psychological diagnosis and education
 
 
 
Chat Now With A Mental Health Professional
Doctor Kevin
Doctor Kevin
903 Satisfied Customers
25 years in private practice