How JustAnswer Works:

  • Ask an Expert
    Experts are full of valuable knowledge and are ready to help with any question. Credentials confirmed by a Fortune 500 verification firm.
  • Get a Professional Answer
    Via email, text message, or notification as you wait on our site.
    Ask follow up questions if you need to.
  • 100% Satisfaction Guarantee
    Rate the answer you receive.

Ask MARoss-LCSW Your Own Question

MARoss-LCSW
MARoss-LCSW, Therapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 15
Experience:  18 years experience as a therapist/counselor.
63071365
Type Your Mental Health Question Here...
MARoss-LCSW is online now
A new question is answered every 9 seconds

My problem is that I suffer from Major Depression. It started

Resolved Question:

My problem is that I suffer from Major Depression. It started years ago (1985). I am on meds. and they do help. But I am in a relationship that I need to end. The trouble is that when I go to disconnect with this person. The depression worsens so I go back to the relationship to get relief. I want to know if there is a way to ease out of this with out causing a depression episode. I'm not sure if just abrubtly walking out of the relationship will help ME. The other person will probably be fine. It is me that I am worried about. It is an intimate relationship which has gone on for about 6 yrs. There is also a chance this person will return later on down the road. That has happened as well. There was a 2 year gap then the person called again. This person will not change. It is I who have to change. Do you have a suggestion?
Submitted: 2 years ago.
Category: Mental Health
Expert:  MARoss-LCSW replied 2 years ago.

MARoss-LCSW :

Hi, I'm happy to try to help you.

MARoss-LCSW :

What's the history of the relationship? How long in relationship?

Customer:

Total off and on 9 years. An affair.

MARoss-LCSW :

What made you decide to get involved in an affair?

Customer:

I love my husband, but we do not have any intimacy. He's diabetic and just cannot perform. And he asked been asked to have a class and he declined it. This has been going on for years. He did have a one time affair. But I understand it so thats not the real issue. To be he's like my mom. Always pointing out my flaws and then says I take it too personally. Always fishing. Does not help around the house. He is not a bad person.Actually, very friendly and nice. I am not blaming him. Basically just doesnt understand depression. I'm glad for him....

MARoss-LCSW :

Have you had any therapy?

Customer:

Yes, in the beginning for about 6-7 years. But it was so costly. 45 minutes sessions.The doctor I go to now just perscribes the meds and ask how I am and out I go. I see him every 3 months.

MARoss-LCSW :

So the person you are having the affair with doesn't want to leave his wife?

Customer:

No... And I'm not going to ask him to do so. But he has me going that this is all in my head. That I should be able to connect and disconnect with him and have no problems with it. I know I am depressed but I am not stupid. It is my health has be stuck. I'm afraid I will break down. Because thats what happened back in 1985.

Customer:

I'm sorry for the typo's I'm just nervous right now.

MARoss-LCSW :

Sounds like he wants his cake and eat it too. It's ok to be nervous. Why do you feel nervous right now?

Customer:

Because I'm embarassed to tell you these things. But I have to tell someone. I dont want to be judged by others.

Customer:

People who do not know this illness can be very harsh.

Customer:

Are we still connected ?

MARoss-LCSW :

No need to be embarrassed. There's pretty much nothing I haven't heard. Do you mean stuck because of your depression?

Customer:

Yes.

MARoss-LCSW :

Do you have any health insurance or can afford therapy again?

Customer:

I have some. I will have to check into how much they will cover. They are probably not going to cover much. And I see that I may have to go for quite a while. Since this behavior has been going on for quite a while

MARoss-LCSW :

I think it would be really important to check on that. I imagine you realize this situation is fueling your depression. I know you had trouble with trying to break away previously but this will/has eaten away at your self esteem.

Customer:

Ok, so do I just start therapy and put this man on hold.?Until I get stronger.

Customer:

I think thats what I'm try to tell you. I want to know the best way to go about it with causing any further damage to myself?

Customer:

Also, this guy is going to come back again later on. I guarantee it. So I need to know how to shut that possibility off.

MARoss-LCSW :

If you can put him on hold that would be best, XXXXX XXXXX not, you can work through that in therapy. He may come back but doesn't mean you have to take him back. If you are unhappy in your marriage, you should give some thought to leaving down the road so that YOU will be available to a new relationship with someone who is available and in a healthy place.

Customer:

Do you think I'm to old? Also, you may not be able to anwser this. But do think this man is possibly depressed as well. He's jeopardizing his life as well.

MARoss-LCSW :

He may be depressed, but let's not worry about him. You need to focus on yourself. You're never too old they say :)) There's plenty of people who meet new people at all ages of life. You are in 2 unhappy relationships. Believe it or not, it can be harder and lonelier being in the situation you're in than being alone. I've seen that many times.

Customer:

Ok. I think you put me on the right track. Yes, its true. Two unhealthy situations. I cant figure out if they depression is causing the unhappiness with my husband or it is being fueled as you say by these two individuals..

MARoss-LCSW :

I imagine these 2 long standing problems are increasing your depression or at least not lessening it.

Customer:

Ok. Thank you for your kindness. I accept your answer. I would be happy if it the depression would at least lessen.

MARoss-LCSW :

You are welcome. I hope you feel better

MARoss-LCSW :

And thank you.

Customer:

Thank you.

MARoss-LCSW, Therapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 15
Experience: 18 years experience as a therapist/counselor.
MARoss-LCSW and other Mental Health Specialists are ready to help you
Expert:  MARoss-LCSW replied 2 years ago.
Hi there,

Just wanted to check in and see how you are doing since we chatted about your depression, marriage etc?

Are you feeling any better and had a chance to check your health care coverage to go back to therapy?

If you have any more questions, feel free to ask!

Melanie Ross LCSW

JustAnswer in the News:

 
 
 
Ask-a-doc Web sites: If you've got a quick question, you can try to get an answer from sites that say they have various specialists on hand to give quick answers... Justanswer.com.
JustAnswer.com...has seen a spike since October in legal questions from readers about layoffs, unemployment and severance.
Web sites like justanswer.com/legal
...leave nothing to chance.
Traffic on JustAnswer rose 14 percent...and had nearly 400,000 page views in 30 days...inquiries related to stress, high blood pressure, drinking and heart pain jumped 33 percent.
Tory Johnson, GMA Workplace Contributor, discusses work-from-home jobs, such as JustAnswer in which verified Experts answer people’s questions.
I will tell you that...the things you have to go through to be an Expert are quite rigorous.
 
 
 

What Customers are Saying:

 
 
 
  • I can go as far as to say it could have resulted in saving my sons life and our entire family now knows what bipolar is and how to assist and understand my most wonderful son, brother and friend to all who loves him dearly. Thank you very much Corrie Moll Pretoria, South Africa
< Last | Next >
  • I can go as far as to say it could have resulted in saving my sons life and our entire family now knows what bipolar is and how to assist and understand my most wonderful son, brother and friend to all who loves him dearly. Thank you very much Corrie Moll Pretoria, South Africa
  • I thank-you so much! It really helped to have this information and confirmation. We will watch her carefully and get her in for the examination and US right away if things do not improve. God bless you as well! Claudia Albuquerque, NM
  • Outstanding response time less than 6 minutes. Answered the question professionally and with a great deal of compassion. Kevin Beaverton, OR
  • Suggested diagnosis was what I hoped and will take this info to my doctor's appointment next week.
    I feel better already! Thank you.
    Elanor Tracy, CA
  • Thank you to the Physician who answered my question today. The answer was far more informative than what I got from the Physicians I saw in person for my problem. Julie Lockesburg, AR
  • You have been more help than you know. I seriously don't know what my sisters situation would be today if you had not gone above and beyond just answering my questions. John and Stefanie Tucson, AZ
  • I have been dealing with an extremely serious health crisis for over three years, and one your physicians asked me more questions, gave me more answers and encouragement than a dozen different doctors who have been treating me!! Janet V Phoenix, AZ
 
 
 

Meet The Experts:

 
 
 
  • Dr. Keane

    Therapist

    Satisfied Customers:

    1262
    Clinical Psychology PhD, Licensed Professional Counselor with experience in marriage/family, teens and child psychology.
< Last | Next >
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/DR/Dr.Keane/2013-8-20_204325_drkeane.64x64.jpg Dr. Keane's Avatar

    Dr. Keane

    Therapist

    Satisfied Customers:

    1262
    Clinical Psychology PhD, Licensed Professional Counselor with experience in marriage/family, teens and child psychology.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/RE/resolutions66/2011-1-17_05728_IMG8202smilingeditedforJustAnswer.64x64.jpg Elliott, LPCC, NCC's Avatar

    Elliott, LPCC, NCC

    Psychotherapist

    Satisfied Customers:

    5024
    35 years of experience as a Licensed Professional Clinical Counselor, National Certified Counselor and a college professor.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/formybunch/2010-12-06_191055_img_0975.jpg Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC's Avatar

    Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC

    Therapist

    Satisfied Customers:

    3733
    Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/DR/DrAkiraOlsen/2012-2-20_746_AkiraADpicmain.64x64.jpg Dr. Olsen's Avatar

    Dr. Olsen

    Psychologist

    Satisfied Customers:

    2336
    PsyD Psychologist
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/norriem/2009-5-27_134249_nm.jpg Norman M.'s Avatar

    Norman M.

    Psychotherapist

    Satisfied Customers:

    2193
    UK trained in hypnotherapy, counselling and psychotherapy and have been in private practice. ADHP(NC), DEHP(NC), UKCP Registered and ECP.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/PsychologyProf/2010-07-15_171248_logos060400409.jpg Dr. Michael's Avatar

    Dr. Michael

    Psychologist

    Satisfied Customers:

    2177
    Licensed Ph.D. Clinical Health Psychology with 30 years of experience in private practive and as a clinical psychology university professor.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/KURTEMMERLING/2010-07-23_215531_just_ask_picture1.jpg Steven Olsen's Avatar

    Steven Olsen

    Therapist

    Satisfied Customers:

    1727
    More than twenty years of expertise in counseling, psychological diagnosis and education
 
 
 

Related Mental Health Questions