How JustAnswer Works:

  • Ask an Expert
    Experts are full of valuable knowledge and are ready to help with any question. Credentials confirmed by a Fortune 500 verification firm.
  • Get a Professional Answer
    Via email, text message, or notification as you wait on our site.
    Ask follow up questions if you need to.
  • 100% Satisfaction Guarantee
    Rate the answer you receive.

Ask Coach Jen K. Your Own Question

Coach Jen K.
Coach Jen K., LMSW, CPC
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 1755
Experience:  Licensed Master Social Worker. Certified Life Coach
64783947
Type Your Mental Health Question Here...
Coach Jen K. is online now
A new question is answered every 9 seconds

My wife and I argue a lot over clothes. When I point out that

Resolved Question:

My wife and I argue a lot over clothes. When I point out that the clothes I like are the clothes that most people her age and shape are wearing she just says she looks terrible or feels uncomfortable. Even when she does wear something I have suggested and she receives compliments from her friends it makes no difference

kevin
Submitted: 2 years ago.
Category: Mental Health
Expert:  Coach Jen K. replied 2 years ago.

CoachJenK :

hi welcome.

Customer:

hi JenK

CoachJenK :

if you dont talk about her clothes does she wear anything that feels appealing to you?

Customer:

Yes but some times, eg when we go dancing I would like her to dress a little sexier like the other partners but my wife does not agree when people comment on how good she looks

CoachJenK :

Ok Kevin, so let me give you a bit more of the female perspective if you are interested in hearing it...

Customer:

yes

CoachJenK :

ok....

CoachJenK :

Body image in women can be a very weird thing and it is not something that remains a constant

CoachJenK :

for instance we might wake up in the morning feeling great about how we look and then eat something that has a bit too much salt in it and we look in the mirror and "feel" fat

CoachJenK :

crazy I know, but this is what goes on for us

CoachJenK :

and when we feel like that it doesnt matter if a million people line up to tell us otherwise...if we have lsot that feeling for the time being there is no recovery of it by wonderful compliments

CoachJenK :

doesnt help you because you have no idea what space or feeling your wife is in with her body.

CoachJenK :

so where does that leave you? it leaves you to try and not get into these conversations since you are learning that it usually doesnt end well.

CoachJenK :

any of this make sense to you or feel right?

Customer:

It does JenK. Is it normal for a women to think that if she feels comfortable in something, that does not neccessarlly mean that she looks good in it, and that sometimes she may feel uncomfortable in something but if it is the clothes that most people are wearing and she receives compliments, than it must look good regardless of what she thinks and maybe she could try to get over the uncomfortable feeling. My wife has a great face and figure and she is most happy in jeans or mid-length jean shorts and tops but I think she looks better in tights and tops or shapely dresses but it causes arguements if I suggest it. I will wear whatever she likes as I figure if she likes it than it is proberbly O.K. as I do not know what looks good on men, thanks Kevin

CoachJenK :

You ask such great questions and you are correct. If we feel like crud then we feel like crud even if others think otherwise. Hard for something for us to just get over....that is so annoying i know and so different for men. She has some insecure feelings about her body and she wears what makes her comfortable and she then feels good in her own skin. Men are easier that way and if we tell you that you look great in those jeans....you will wear them every time! :-)

CoachJenK :

Maybe take a different approach with her and when she wears something a bit more sexy on her own and hopefully she does for you at times then lavish her with how fantastic she looks but try to stay away from the sugesting of what she wears as it just causes strife between the two of you.

CoachJenK :

You with me, kevin?

Customer:

Thank- you JenK, my wife has read this so we will see what happens. Maybe we will talk again soon,seeya Kevin

CoachJenK :

ok Kevin. good luck to both of you. Please click accept if I have been helpful

Coach Jen K., LMSW, CPC
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 1755
Experience: Licensed Master Social Worker. Certified Life Coach
Coach Jen K. and other Mental Health Specialists are ready to help you

JustAnswer in the News:

 
 
 
Ask-a-doc Web sites: If you've got a quick question, you can try to get an answer from sites that say they have various specialists on hand to give quick answers... Justanswer.com.
JustAnswer.com...has seen a spike since October in legal questions from readers about layoffs, unemployment and severance.
Web sites like justanswer.com/legal
...leave nothing to chance.
Traffic on JustAnswer rose 14 percent...and had nearly 400,000 page views in 30 days...inquiries related to stress, high blood pressure, drinking and heart pain jumped 33 percent.
Tory Johnson, GMA Workplace Contributor, discusses work-from-home jobs, such as JustAnswer in which verified Experts answer people’s questions.
I will tell you that...the things you have to go through to be an Expert are quite rigorous.
 
 
 

What Customers are Saying:

 
 
 
  • I can go as far as to say it could have resulted in saving my sons life and our entire family now knows what bipolar is and how to assist and understand my most wonderful son, brother and friend to all who loves him dearly. Thank you very much Corrie Moll Pretoria, South Africa
< Last | Next >
  • I can go as far as to say it could have resulted in saving my sons life and our entire family now knows what bipolar is and how to assist and understand my most wonderful son, brother and friend to all who loves him dearly. Thank you very much Corrie Moll Pretoria, South Africa
  • I thank-you so much! It really helped to have this information and confirmation. We will watch her carefully and get her in for the examination and US right away if things do not improve. God bless you as well! Claudia Albuquerque, NM
  • Outstanding response time less than 6 minutes. Answered the question professionally and with a great deal of compassion. Kevin Beaverton, OR
  • Suggested diagnosis was what I hoped and will take this info to my doctor's appointment next week.
    I feel better already! Thank you.
    Elanor Tracy, CA
  • Thank you to the Physician who answered my question today. The answer was far more informative than what I got from the Physicians I saw in person for my problem. Julie Lockesburg, AR
  • You have been more help than you know. I seriously don't know what my sisters situation would be today if you had not gone above and beyond just answering my questions. John and Stefanie Tucson, AZ
  • I have been dealing with an extremely serious health crisis for over three years, and one your physicians asked me more questions, gave me more answers and encouragement than a dozen different doctors who have been treating me!! Janet V Phoenix, AZ
 
 
 

Meet The Experts:

 
 
 
  • Dr. Keane

    Therapist

    Satisfied Customers:

    1262
    Clinical Psychology PhD, Licensed Professional Counselor with experience in marriage/family, teens and child psychology.
< Last | Next >
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/DR/Dr.Keane/2013-8-20_204325_drkeane.64x64.jpg Dr. Keane's Avatar

    Dr. Keane

    Therapist

    Satisfied Customers:

    1262
    Clinical Psychology PhD, Licensed Professional Counselor with experience in marriage/family, teens and child psychology.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/RE/resolutions66/2011-1-17_05728_IMG8202smilingeditedforJustAnswer.64x64.jpg Elliott, LPCC, NCC's Avatar

    Elliott, LPCC, NCC

    Psychotherapist

    Satisfied Customers:

    5024
    35 years of experience as a Licensed Professional Clinical Counselor, National Certified Counselor and a college professor.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/formybunch/2010-12-06_191055_img_0975.jpg Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC's Avatar

    Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC

    Therapist

    Satisfied Customers:

    3733
    Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/DR/DrAkiraOlsen/2012-2-20_746_AkiraADpicmain.64x64.jpg Dr. Olsen's Avatar

    Dr. Olsen

    Psychologist

    Satisfied Customers:

    2336
    PsyD Psychologist
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/norriem/2009-5-27_134249_nm.jpg Norman M.'s Avatar

    Norman M.

    Psychotherapist

    Satisfied Customers:

    2193
    UK trained in hypnotherapy, counselling and psychotherapy and have been in private practice. ADHP(NC), DEHP(NC), UKCP Registered and ECP.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/PsychologyProf/2010-07-15_171248_logos060400409.jpg Dr. Michael's Avatar

    Dr. Michael

    Psychologist

    Satisfied Customers:

    2177
    Licensed Ph.D. Clinical Health Psychology with 30 years of experience in private practive and as a clinical psychology university professor.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/KURTEMMERLING/2010-07-23_215531_just_ask_picture1.jpg Steven Olsen's Avatar

    Steven Olsen

    Therapist

    Satisfied Customers:

    1727
    More than twenty years of expertise in counseling, psychological diagnosis and education