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i never use to fight i would stop them now i find myself in the middle and enjoy getting hurt.
broken i wake up find myself talkin to myself about random things and i see my father in my dreams at lest once a week
up and down some days i don't eat then others i don't stop
no i keep goin to it i even drink at home now i never did before
thank you but i don't open up to people face to face really thank you
not avilable in this town
I read through your question.
I am sorry that you have lost two significant people in your life - your wife and then your father. Yes...I believe that your are depressed but that depression comes from the loss of these relationships. You are grieving! And..what you are experiencing is quite normal. The anger, the drinking, the fighting...these are ways that you are attempting to cope with the loneliness and pain of your grief.
You did not seem interested in getting therapy...okay...what about a grief support group? Or...would you be willing to do some reading? Most hospitals have grief support groups.
Let me leave you the names of two books. These will help you understand what you are experiencing and give you another way to handle your feelings.
Remembering With Love. Messages of Hope for the First Year of Grieving and Beyond
When Men Grieve. How men grieve differently and how you can help.
Let me know if you would like to chat more.