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Brad The Therapist
Brad The Therapist, LCPC
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 549
Experience:  10 years of experience in working with youth and adults
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I had a stroke in 2008 (age 59) I was depressed for 2 years

Resolved Question:

I had a stroke in 2008 (age 59) I was depressed for 2 years with vision and dependency problems. Then I found Jesus in my life and everything changed for me. I recovered, but my husband said I changed and we have nothing in common. He wants a divorce. He said we are done because I want to worship Jesus and have a spiritual relationship. He attended 3 sessions of couples therapy and quit because it was a waste of time. I have been going alone for 1 year. This past December,(2011) he moved into the guest room and has ignored me sexually for 6 months before that. Should I let him go after 42 years of marriage?
Submitted: 2 years ago.
Category: Mental Health
Expert:  Brad The Therapist replied 2 years ago.

Brad The Therapist :

Thank you for your question. I can see how difficult your current situation must be. What keeps you from divorcing your husband? Are you currently happy? What is it about your new found religion that threatens your husband?

Customer:

I do not wish to divorce my husband. God does not like divorce. The evil one prefers it to being happy.

Customer:

I am not happy with the way he treats me. My husband has admitted he is jealous of my joy in knowing Christ, but he does not want to understand it or be involved in it in any way. He pouts when I attend church.

Brad The Therapist :

Do you know why he is opposed to it?

Customer:

It is not his religion, although he does not practice his religion either. I was in the same religion with him, but he never wanted to be there unless I forced him. I stopped asking him to attend his own religion. I went alone. Then I found something stronger and switched churches.

Brad The Therapist :

I see...why do you think your husband hasn't pursued a divorce at this point?

Customer:

He has decided this week that I need to find a job to support myself (age 63) and that we need to sell our condo and find me a cheaper place to live, so I can afford to live without him helping me. He has looked at property in Florida already. I live in N.E.

Brad The Therapist :

So he is ready to separate, possibly divorce, at this point

Customer:

Yes, but he doesn't want the guilt of just walking out, so he is making demands.

Brad The Therapist :

Demands such as finding a job and needed to sell the condo. Any other demands?

Customer:

No

Brad The Therapist :

Ideally, what does the future look like for you?

Brad The Therapist :

What is he upset set?

Customer:

Well, I'm no young chick. I have not worked in my field for 25 years. No real chance of finding a job there. I plan to take a 7 mo course to give me a diploma in a related field and hope for the best in getting a paying job to support myself. Or I take a min. wage job and live in subsidized housing with food stamps and federal assistance. Not desirable!

Brad The Therapist :

What is your husband upset about?

Brad The Therapist :

Other than the religion, what has changed?

Customer:

He says I changed and we have nothing in common.

Brad The Therapist :

How have you changed?

Customer:

I am speaking up for myself in regards XXXXX XXXXX I want to do in my life. He would rather make all the decisions and I am supposed to agree.

Brad The Therapist :

You have become more assertive than before and he does not like that. Is that correct?

Customer:

Yes

Brad The Therapist :

Now that you are assertive, do you feel that he is pulling you down?

Customer:

He argues with me about making a meal for someone in need.(just out of the hospital) "I don't want you feeding those people. He is opposed to donating a weekly offering in church. I volunteered to help(for a week in Texas) with reconstruction of a home after a fire. He said I was having too much fun. I was tired, but happy to give and they were grateful for our help.

Brad The Therapist :

He seems very controlling

Brad The Therapist :

was he like this before?

Customer:

I agree with that. I was young when we got married and I didn't notice until something that ment a lot to me was involved. He has been very controlling with our 2 sons. I never liked that, but he was doing the same with me and I never realized it.

Brad The Therapist :

Do you feel getting a divorce (although against your religion) will be the best thing for you?

Customer:

If he leaves, then I will not be at fault with God if I have done everything possible to avoid it. I feel that I will have a better life without him trying to control my every decision.

Brad The Therapist :

If you leave, I believe you are not at fault with God either since God wants you to do good. How can you do good if you are prevented from doing good

Customer:

Yes, God wants me to do his work. He would like marriages to stay together as well. If there is any chance that God will work on his heart, I would not leave. I will follow HIM.( Jesus) If that does not work for my husband, then leaving is the best option.

Brad The Therapist :

Do you have any other questions?

Customer:

No. Thank you and may God bless your knowledge and understanding

Brad The Therapist :

Best wishes

Brad The Therapist, LCPC
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 549
Experience: 10 years of experience in working with youth and adults
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Brad The Therapist
Brad The Therapist
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10 years of experience in working with youth and adults