I just turned 50. I've been separated/divorced for 9 years and have 2 sons who each just had a birthday and are now 16 and 12. Their mom is remarried yet we get along well. They live 50 miles from me. For the greater part of the last 2 years, my 16 y/o son (Chris), goes through mood swings with most everyone -- a bit less w/ his mom. Unfortunately, I became physically dependent on Rx medications and eventually, on my own, went to a detox/rehab. My ex-wife HATES "addicts" b/c she believes her mom was an addict and b/c of that, her mom didn't spend enough time with her, although she was never neglected. One weekend when Chris was with me, I sat him down and told him about my past. He seemed mature for his age then, although he was 11 or 12. He gave me a hug afterward and said he loved me no matter what. I was tired of my ex threatening to tell Chris about my past, so I told him first. The man my ex married (her current husband), is a good guy. He has 2 girls he shares custody with. The girls are just about 1 1/2 years younger than each of my sons. Chris acts very distant from most family often staying in his room on the phone or computer. He has been randomly checked by drugs by his mom - the results were negative. (She trusts nobody and believes anyone who is or was an addict, should die). I'm lucky if he conversed w/me more than once a month in the past 8-12 months. He's openly verbally abusive with ALL family members even saying the "F" word openly around family and grandparents. His mom ACCEPTS this and defends her actions saying "If that is the worst he does, that's ok" and says she will pick & chose her battles. My younger son tells me (I do NOT ask) that his mom puts me down quite a bit in front of the boys. She puts me down to my face with the boys hearing this. About a month ago, I drove to pick the boys up on a Friday night. We didn't leave their house until past midnight b/c Chris wanted to "hang with his girlfriend" (in his room) until 11:45 pm! Like an IDIOT, I allowed this because he told me if I don't see him that weekend, that he will NOT promise me any other weekend. (No court order is in effect). By midnight, it was raining, cold, and I was very tired. I should have asked to stay over instead of making the 50 mile return trip. We were literally 47 of the 50 miles back when I was stopped by the police who claimed I didn't stay in my lane. (This was close to 1 am). Both boys were asleep in the car and I had the radio off so not to bother them and the windows all the way up b/c of the weather. I was fighting off sleep but stayed awake. When I went to the glove box to get the car registration, etc., I has a bottle of Rx medication that was visible. The officer asked to see it. It was a legal medication for 3 "herniated" disks in my neck. As soon as he seen that, THAT is when he said I was swerving out of my lane. Despite driving 100 miles that night without a problem, I was taken in a police car (first time in my 50-years) to get a blood test at a local hospital and driven back home. But by then, the boys' grandfather who lives nearby me, picked them up screaming "Your father is a no good junkie" in front of both of my sons who were at MY mom's house.
Now, Chris REFUSES to talk to me at all. His mother says "good for him." Thank God my younger son still talks to me and tells me he loves me. (I did
NOT take any of that medication that night, but it still showed in the blood test thus I am charged with a DUI.
What should I do to let me son here MY side of the story. he mother won't talk to me and thinks I was driving intoxicated. She even knew what medication my doctor prescribed for me for the past 1.5 years. I have a small family. Just my 74 y/o mom and my two sons. I can't imagine life without them (NO, I'm NO suicidal!) I should have not allowed Chris to dictate the time of when I picked them up. But since I didn't see them in a month, WANTED to spend some time with them; they're all I have. What do you think I should do to get Chris to at least listen to me?? He ignores all e-mails, calls, etc. We used to be SO close. I'm in tears writing this. I'll see a therapist, but PLEASE give me some good feedback. I'm afraid I lost my son for good and God knows what my ex will poison my younger son's mind with as time goes by and he gets older. I'm gratful for what I DO have and my health; many have it worse.
Thank you so much.