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Brad The Therapist
Brad The Therapist, LCPC
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 549
Experience:  10 years of experience in working with youth and adults
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My husband and I were having sex (watching a bit of porn) and

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My husband and I were having sex (watching a bit of porn) and a pop up for live chat came on - I was hurt and he just closed the pop up how do I address this
Submitted: 5 years ago.
Category: Mental Health
Expert:  Brad The Therapist replied 5 years ago.
Thank you for your question. I encourage you to have a frank discussion about what happened. Ask him if he ever used live chat? Share with him what you felt so hurt. He may try to rationalize with you that he did nothing wrong because he hasn't physically cheated on you, but explain to him that by doing a live chat, he has cheated on you emotionally. I encourage you to use statements such as "I feel ..... because...." so that he will be less defensive. I also encourage you and your husband to attend couple's therapy.
Customer: replied 5 years ago.

Brad I did all of the above - he refuses to admit being on live chat and this is my stumbling block because I've caught him out once before when his phone rang and I answered it and inadvertantly pressed his browser button - he went mad saying he doesn't know what this is (the sex chat line) and said that I should neva touch his phone in the future - I'm stumped because I can't handle the fight and know he's not telling the whole truth

 

Customer: replied 5 years ago.
Relist: Other.
thearapist is now off line
Expert:  Brad The Therapist replied 5 years ago.
The trust was broken. Have you considered couple's therapy? What are the positive aspects of your relationship?
Customer: replied 5 years ago.

Weve been married for just on 23 years I care deeply for him (really) he's my best friend and we have a lot in common

 

 

Expert:  Brad The Therapist replied 5 years ago.
Great! Many men seek out porn or live chat to fulfill an emotional void one may be experiencing that is not necessarily related to the marriage. Has anything stressor occurred to your husband recently?
Customer: replied 5 years ago.

Brad where does a person start after 23 years of marriage - we were pretty wild (although very straight) until a friend recommend we try exstacy to liven our sex lives (which at that point as very good). Sex got really kinky and I hated doing drugs and our fights started. He wanted sex and drugs and I wanted a more emotional sex life - I tried to force him to stop he didn't want to he then started taking on his own and watching more and more porn - I tried an alternative like say only having drugs once every 3 or 4 motnhs (with porn) and try and fix our sex life - so it could be more fun - this is not really happening - he wants more wild and I want more loving. Our sex life has dwindled to now 3 times in 3 months.

 

Expert:  Brad The Therapist replied 5 years ago.
It seems as though your husband may have an addiction issue based on your what you have written. My suggestion for your is to attend an ALANON support group meeting to help you understand what is going on with your husband. Please consider attending couple's therapy if possible. If he refuses, please consider attending individual therapy as your relationship is beyond the scope of this forum. There are many issues going on here with different layers of complexity.
Customer: replied 5 years ago.

Brad when thngs were at the worst I tried individual therapy (as you said he wouldn't attend) over R10 000 later I'm still here all therepy seemed to be was me talking and her listening - at least you've been honest saying you can't really help. Thanks this appears to be my cross but I'm really tired. Alanon is difficult as I live in South Africa and all meetings appear to be in the evenings.

 

 

Expert:  Brad The Therapist replied 5 years ago.
I urge you to find another therapist if you do not find the therapist helpful. As I said, there are many layers to your situation that involves the way you relate to people as well as issues your husband is going through.

I wish you all the best. Please consider pressing the "accept" button for my efforts.
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