Hello. I believe I can be of help to you with this issue.
Dana, it is always good to hear from you!
Your emotional mind or trains of thought WANT to focus your attention on the good times and positive aspects of your relationship with her; after all, there were probably emotionally intense, meaningful moments when you felt loved, accepted---just as you have wanted to feel in a quality relationship. The problem of course is that other aspects of the relationship or other 'times' in the relationship, it was seriously pathological. So your wise rational mind was able to take an objective look at the totality of the relationship and get you the heck out!!! On balance, you did
the right thing of course. But you WILL have these feelings of loneliness and longing for the past i.e., you'll dwell on and tend to fantasize about the good components of the relationship. You may wonder what she is doing, who she is with----at least your emotional trains of through or emotional mind will do this. But your wise rational mind will keep you as far away from her as possible, and wisely so.
Most people who break away from an intense, pathological relationship take about 4-6 months to start feeling better---the transition to feeling better, and belong ready and emotionally open to new relationships happens gradually. And I mean---gradually! Two steps forward and one back, emotionally, but the trend is to feel better month by month. And you can help this along by staying really connected to other good friends, hanging out with healthy friends who are supportive, staying busy and avoiding periods when you are alone e.g., long weekends alone----it is when you are alone that you'll have the worst recurrences of these feelings of longing, or at night if you had intimate times together regularly at this time of day. But it WILL get better and you will start feeling like taking an emotional risk again, but not right away. In fact you do not want to get involved with anyone right away until you totally regain your sense of identity or 'self'---which got entangled in the pathology of this relationship. People do lose a bit of their identity in intense pathological relationships and it takes time to get re-grounded or centered in one's sense of self again. So this whole thing is a lot like a bereavement process and we know bereavement involves approximate 'stages' and a 'process'----everyone more or less has to go through the phases of a bereavement. You are well into it and struggling of course, but I can pretty much promise you, it WILL get gradually better. What do you think?