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I think I may have made him out to be worse than he is. I definitely want to stay in the relationship. He is very determined to totally
"clean" himself up for the family as well as himself. He is not in denial, and is seeking professional help. He already has been seeing his medical doctor, and is in search of a good therapist to help him with his problems. He was a very loving, kind strong "man" until he quit smoking. Until then, the other problems were not an issue. At times I actually wanted him to take up smoking again, at least it's legal!
I think I mispoke when I said he's "mean". It's more like grumpy and needy. The thing is, he knows he's being grumpy towards me and he really doesn't want to be. It's kind of like PMSing as a woman.
I'm actually thrilled that he has taken the steps he has and am proud of his accomplishments. I agree that I need to protect my own sanity by not allowing him to lean on me too much, but I also love him very much and want to support him in the best way possible to achieve his goals.
He really is a great husband and father, and I believe we can get through this and our horrible issues with our ex spouses and lead a happy healthy life.
I guess I need some advice on how I can still support him, but keep my own sanity.
That is the advice I needed! He is the one that first suggested therapy for himself and as a couple. He actually says "I want to stop being an Ass Hole towards you". I like your advice about monitoring his behavior. He even asked me to do that. This is very helpful, and I'll keep you posted on our "success" with therapy.
Thanks Dr. Michael