Thank you for your question. Based on your response, I have a few questions for you before providing suggestions. You mentioned having trust issues. What happened where you do not have trust in your husband? Are you happy in your marriage other than his contact with other women?
We have separated before and at that time I went out on a date with a guy. Afterwards I realized it was wrong. I apologized. I also went to visit old guy friends who I dated before we got married... I didn't go alone. It was just to visit old friends. This was in 2006. Well in 2010 I caught his email open and he was talking to old flames as well. I told him about mine but I stumbled upon his. He jokes around alot about talking to other women, and I'm starting to believe him. I don't feel like he tells me everything like i do him. We have bee working really hard to be happy and I think we are there now, but all this began to happen.
Have you considered going to couple's therapy? What is your relationship with you husband like now?
We have been to therapy in the past but he's stubborn and probably won't want to go again. Our relationship in my eyes was getting better and better until he told me that he felt like he needed female friends...See he's had issues with me having guys as friends up until now. I have a guy friend that I've known since the 9th grade whom I was close to. He mentioned 1 of our old classmates whom I had dated. I told my husband and he told me to end my relationship with this close friend. So when he gets this revelation of wanting to have girls as friends now, he tells me its ok to be friends again with my old close friend. So as of right now, our relationship is a little fragile. Also, he tells me to go out with my sister for her birthday so he can go to a party at his boy cousin's house. He tells me he got a number from a girl but doesn't know her name. He told me the number is XXXXX his car. I couldn't sleep until I found the number and threw it away. I never found it but I did find a movie ticket for two... He says he loves me and would never leave, but i feel I can't trust anything he says.
Why do you feel that you can't trust him. Has he lied to you in the past?
Yes. Mainly about money. After I find the 1 girl on his email, about 2 weeks later I see another girl sending him her number. I feel he's not open to me completely. He has times where he feels awkward showing affection to me. So sometimes I feel like his mind is somewhere else.
Does he feel something is wrong in the marriage?
He feels that he's missing something. He feels like he has to have opposite-sex friends in his life, and go club and drink. He was never like that before so it scares me. Like I am losing the stability I used to have.
When you mentioned this to him, what was his response?
Either he'll blow me off or he'll claim that I'm making it about me and my feelings. Sometimes we don't see eye to eye on our communication but we do the best we can. But all I tell him is I feel like he should let me meet whomever these new people are because we are married. It shouldn't be a problem...I want these friend to know where I stand with my husband and I want to let them know where I expect them to be to him.
Am I wrong for wanting to know who these friends are?
Your husband is not treating you like a wife to me if he is secretive about who he is hanging out with
He knows all my friends.
I can see why you feel suspicious
I suggest going to couple's therapy even if he refuses to attend
he will go relunctantly if he goes with you
for the sake of the marriage
Ok. How should I present it to him in order for him to see that its vital for us to sort this out?
Mention to him that you feel your feelings get dismissed by him whenever you bring up a concern about the marriage. If he disagrees with what you say, for him to disagree with you shows that he is disregaring your feelings. Tell him how much you love him and how much you want the marriage to improve and that is why you want him to attend couple's therapy
Inform him that he does not have to say a word if he doesn't want to during the couple's session if that makes him go to the appoitment
A good couple's therapist will be able to make him be part of the therapy
Do you have any other questions?
Thanks alot! No more questions
I wish you all the best!
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