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You mentioned that you have done her many favors in the past - can you explain more?
We have baby sat for her oldest daughter, who is not our son's, many times.
I have gone to court with her three times, I have gone to the
doctor with her while she was pregnant several times.
Okay, so there is a precident there about you babysitting - that's not new. Have she and your husband butted heads on the older daughter?
My husband has taken her to the hospital.
Yes. We visited them soon after the baby got home from the
hospital and my husband asked the older daughter for a kiss
but she kissed the baby instead. Someone told the
older daughter to give him a kiss and he refused to kiss her.
The daughter in law had a fit and had our son call his
dad the following day and came over to discuss it.
After a week of not communicating, the daughter in law
called and they discussed it and he apologized and they made up.
Were there problems between them before the birth of the second child? Both incidents you described were within that period.
I told my husband that I would have handled it differently
because she is only four.
Yes. My husband told her that she should go back to school
and get a degree like our son. She had a fit and said that
she thought that my husband didn't think she was good enoughh.
All other times seemed to have been OK.
Alright. The pattern seems to be that they get in an argument, she tells your son, he contacts dad and they eventually make up. Does this sound about right?
Yes, but they didn't make up this last time.
Okay. Well, unfortunately, I don't think you are going to be able to change the behavior of your husband or your daughter-in-law (who both could have done things differently). But what's important in this situation is that you continue to have a relationship with your grandson. Have you tried getting together with your son (alone) and explaining that you would like a relationship with the grandson under whatever conditions he and his wife find it favorable?
This last incident just happened yesterday.
It might be worthwhile to do this rather than trying to fix the rift between husband and daughter-in-law. If they butt heads, that may always be the case. Your son getting in the middle all the time will just cause resentment and he will be forced to choose (a battle that his wife will win, I imagine). No one wants to keep putting him in that position. So, the best thing to do would be to take the contentious relationship out of the equation and focus on the relationship with your son and grandson.