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TherapistMarryAnn, Therapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 5763
Experience:  Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues.
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my husband retired three years ago now. I work fulltime.

Resolved Question:

my husband retired three years ago now. I work fulltime. I don't mind that he is
at home as he is taking on my responsiblilties ie. cooking cleaning shopping etc. What
I do mind is his grumpy old man demeanor. His way or the highway type of attitude.

Small example; OUr daughter lives in England and has for the past 7 years. I went
to visit her last year but my husband has not.

she is feeling resentful because he won't go to visit her and ackowledge her
career success over there. I am willingly to pay for the expenses out
of my paycheck but still he digs in his heals and refuses.

however when I had my own company and the company picked up the tab
for travel expenses he was happy to go anywhere.

MY daughter is taking this refusal to visit her personally and no matter what I say
it still boils down to her feelings being hurt.

My husband brings nothing to the table emotionally, physically, financially, all
he brings to the table is a negative attitude and I am weighing out the cost
to my mental health wether or not to continue exisiting in this fashion. Please advice.
Submitted: 4 years ago.
Category: Mental Health
Expert:  TherapistMarryAnn replied 4 years ago.

Hi, I'd like to help you with your question.


It sounds like your husband could either be depressed (many people who are retired become depressed) or he could have a personality disorder.


If he is depressed, he may need to see a counselor. Medications could also help alleviate how he feels so his outlook brightens. If he is not willing to see a counselor, then you might ask his doctor to speak with him. Contact his doctor before his next appointment and let him know what is going on. The doctor may also be able to provide medications until your husband sees a therapist.


Your husband could also have a personality disorder. He would have needed to have these symptoms most of his life but it is a possibility. Here is a resource about personality disorders to help you:


If he does have a personality disorder, it is unlikely he will get better unless he wants to. Personality disorders are difficult to cure unless there is a lot of motivation.


You might want to seek counseling yourself to cope with the stress of dealing with your husbands behavior and find out how you want to handle your marriage. To find a therapist, ask your doctor or search on line at


Unfortunately, if your husband chooses to act this way, you have little choice but to find ways to work around his behavior. Make sure you take care of yourself and find ways to deal with the stress. Talking to family and friends, eating well and exercise can all help you alleviate stress and feel better.


I hope this has helped you,

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