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MN Psychiatrist
MN Psychiatrist, Psychiatrist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 792
Experience:  Physician for 17 years, adult psychiatrist for 13 years working with a wide variety of patients.
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when I feel very happy and in control of my life and the night

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when I feel very happy and in control of my life and the night is right I will drink excessibly, sometimes without eating first...i never feel a "oh I've had enough" point and I often drink until I pass out. The more I drink the better and stronger I feel but I do engage in behaviour I regret and am embarrased about. I am usually down and out for the next day. Yet, I keep repeating this pattern every few months. Is it the release I need? am i bipolar? do I need AA? my friends and husband don't do this. I am worried on time I will hurt myself or others.
Hello, I am a psychiatrist.

For me to best answer this, I need to know why you think you might be bipolar.
Also, why do you think you do this? How often do you end up drinking like this? Do you always drink to excess? Is there any chance that you do this to sabotage things going well?
Customer: replied 5 years ago.

I did see someone before for depression about 10 yrs ago for depression. He said I did exhibit some behaviours and syptoms of bipolar but said he did not think I had the disorder. I do this usually Fri husband and I usually cap of the busy week with a few hours to ourselves in the garage. We both usually smoke and have some more than him...and I usually do take it too far until I'm intoxicated. It's almost like I need the "release" of getting to the point where I just don't "think" anymore. I regret it the next day when I feel horrible and have to look after two busy kids 3 and 8. But I do it again the next Fri because I just can't resist how good it feels after a long week (teaching) to "let go". I have always had a very "all" or "nothing" personality. A little ocd....tightly wound...bit of a perfectionist...Then....usually about 2-3 times a year I usually really tie one on and usually embarass myself or do things I regret or that are unsafe...and I have a lot to lose and I wonder why the hell I compromise everything by doing something stupid. I think your comment about sabatoging things going well is very interesting.....I do seem to do this when I feel life is going great and I have a sense of euphoria and I feel the need to highten the feeling....why would I sabatoge things going well? whats wrong with me? how can I change?

I was wondering if any sabotaging was happening because sometimes people do that if they feel uncomfortable with the fact that things are going well. An example of this is a woman who seeks out abusive men or employers because on some level she's more comfortable with such men - because as bad as it is, it's more familiar than the genuinely good guy/boss who treats her well. I don't know if anything like that at all is the case with you or not, and it does sound like you are using it as a stress release. Of course the problem is that you need to function, too, say if you needed to driver your husband or a child to the hospital and couldn't do so, etc.

I'm not sure that the answer as to why you do this is simple, though it could be as simple as on Friday nights you want to feel very different from how you do during the work week. To find out for sure, the best thing to do is to start seeing a therapist with whom who can explore what's going on with you. Once you understand what might be driving this, then you'll be better prepared to decrease it and/or stop it. Then you'll also have a better sense of if you might consider AA or not. To me, it's not clear that you are dependent on alcohol, so much as abusing it regularly, though perhaps AA could be of help.
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