I'm glad to hear all went well today at Katie's funeral. It is very good news that she probably accepted Christ into her life! That means she truly is in a better place and you will see her again.
When it comes to changing your thoughts, it can be broken down. Usually, this is done in therapy so the therapist can guide you and help you process what you work through. You and I can certainly do this through our threads but you may want to ask Linda for input as well.
Start by identifying the thoughts that cause you to feel guilt and blame. As you go through your day, how do you process what happens to you? When something goes wrong, do you automatically blame yourself? Do you feel guilt when something occurs that is really not your fault? Start noting when you have thoughts that are meant to make you feel bad. Listen to your self talk. You may even want to write your thoughts down to help you see what you are thinking.
Also, try identifying thoughts that came from your parents. What kinds of things they said to you that reinforce the thought that you are to blame and are guilty, even if you didn't do what you feel guilty of doing. Write down the statements that come to mind. You can compare your current thoughts to what your parents told you. Are they the same or have you altered them over time to match what you feel about yourself?
When you think these thoughts, they are reinforcing what you were taught by your parents about yourself. They are part of the pattern you learned that tells you that you are not worthy of love and nurturing. In order to open yourself up to being loved by others as well as yourself, you need to change the thoughts that prevent the self worth and love to come through.
Try working on this exercise for a week. See what you come up with. As you work it through, you might begin to see a pattern. This is what we can work on to break down and replace with healthier thoughts and eventually the related feelings.
I will be busy most of tomorrow so I probably won't be able to check in until evening. I know you'll be flying out to see your parents so you may not be able to write but if you want to talk, I will probably be able to catch it after dinner. I just wanted to let you know so you don't wait for me to respond and you don't have to let your question sit on the queue all day.
I hope your flight goes well tomorrow!