Hi, I am a Moderator with Just Answer, I have Emailed Steven Olsen so that when he comes back on line he will see your question. If I can help further, please let me know. Thank you for your continued patience:-)
Of course, this is fine...And you and I have talked a lot about these types of things and what is important is that you listened to her and acted on it.
At the age of your daughter (<4 years) the theme of the party is definitely less important than the fact that she will remember that you gave her what she wanted. Unicorns or GI Joe, it does not matter what the party is about. It matters how she feels about it. That is what will impact her, not that it is more masculine or feminine. And what others might say about it, especially in your family:
Dr Seuss has his birthday tomorrow...and oddly, he really said it best. Those who mind, do not matter and those who matter, don't mind. Steven
I cut and pasted the content of your other question here. So I could refer to it without a problem,
yes that was dr a. i cant stop thinking about him. and he likes to screw up medical things on the side, so there he was.as an aside i cant stand that expert. hes done that before. and hes an ob gyn, why is he answering a mental health question? and he doesnt even know ob gyn. he answered an ob gyn question i had once. dont get me started. you know how i feel about people who arent good at their jobs.and yes you could feel threatened... lol.rob is ok. but he can be trying at times. the people at that hospital are f**ked up. another nurse who got ran out of there - she said theyve killed plenty of people and the people who did so still work there. it wasnt about a charting error. it doesnt matter what it was about. the point is not letting them succeed in messing with me. today should have been my meeting and i possibly couldve been running victory laps around my backyard. but i guess not.i also was joking about the european women comment. and if you get nauseated about people who smell... well youll love the europeans. esp the eastern block. whoa.dr b. if were in the friend zone... well that sux.really sux. i dont want men to think of me as a friend. tmm2. he was trying to convince me to send naked posed pictures. i told him i still hadnt decided if i was going to run for president and cant take the chance that i have naked pics out there. i have never taken any for my husband out of fear of a split and them being out there. he did say hed woo me with diamonds and complements. thatd be a 1st, but hey lets see if he comes thru. then he said something about hed have 50lbs lipod out and plastic surgery to look like brad pitt.hmm.he is a little heavy, but not really overweight... and whoa is all i can say to the plastic surgery. i guess he thinks i will go to see him.plus he said in one of the texts is there a chance i will see your smiling face?
Well, here we are. At least this question should work out and hopefully the issues with the new account are now resolved.
I am so bad with dates. Rob's B-Day? I know you were looking so forward to his requested "gift".
And, I think all husbands and wives get on each others nerves from time to time. That is true of all of us. We all have our quirks and bizarre traits. It is getting past those that build true character in a marriage.
I don;t have to tell you that your legal case has just dragged on and on. I realize that you were looking so forward to at least knowing about what the situation was/is. (Something, at least!) This has to drive you crazy.
However, the one thing that encourages me in all this is that if the case was rock solid all of this back and forth, and getting this tape or that evidence; well, that just would not happen. It seems that this entire mess is in flux simply beacause it is not that cut and dried. And, where there is this much doubt...that is why I think this will turn out decently for you. It isn't like they have a smoking gun. It is very nebulous. So, even though you may feel discouraged about much of this, there is a real/true sign of brightness here. I really do feel that this will turn out okay for you and I am not saying that as a therapist, just to reframe a bad situation.
You are never going to forget that I said that some smells bother me...You see why therapists do not disclose much; look at the harassment you are giving me here. lol
Seriously speaking. Why would you want Dr b to think of you as more than a friend? What do you want, really? If it is that you desire him to want you, that is dangerous for a married woman, don't you think? And, he seems like a person who would make a good friend, not anything else. Besides, if he did have feelings for you that would make a total mess of a pretty good working relationship. Why ruin a good thing? And yes...given the right circumstances I do think he could go over that line.
I have some serious horror stories with clients who had not so wise pictures and video taken of them, either sexting stuff or intentional taped couples stuff. It did not go well. There are some things, that although they may seem like a good idea at the time, have a real tendency to come back and hurt. That is one of them. I am glad to hear that you would not do this. It is too risky.
Tmm is out to lunch if he thinks that you would ever do this. But again: Why tolerate this degrading conversation from him? Tell him to shove off. He keeps crossing lines and you do not have any obligation to him. See his smiling face? I am not sure if accepting his texts is even a good idea. He has one thing in mind for you and I am certain it does not involve diamonds and him getting liposuction. Steven
No, not really into that. I mainly wanted to know, as you were totally frustrated, if you had to endure the "day". That was it. Why do you ask? And, yes. In our training we are exposed to a great deal of stuff sexually, a lot broader and more intense than anything we have ever discussed. (A lot of sex workers are in counseling as their pasts and their present acts cause great emotional consequences). We are exposed to all of this in an intense way, so when those issues are presented that they can be effectively dealt with.
You never forget anything that I say, do you? The integrity question must have gotten to you... Yes, I guess it does mean you have integrity when you hold off.
You want to be wanted? Why settle for sexual attraction if you could be loved? I don't think it is messed up to want to be wanted, but there is a limit to when it is healthy and when it shows that there is loneliness and hurt there too.
Well, texting could come back on you, but worse would be pictures or video. That would really be terrible as that can be used in so many terrible ways against you. So, glad to hear the unawareness thing.
How do you know all these women come to me to talk about men?
Well, you would be right. I do have a number of men who are hurting and talk about it, but the vast majority are women.
I think you like messing with tmm2. Am I right? He is weak and it seems you like to mess with him on that level. What is that about, if so?
Congratulations on the vacation. I know how that feels! It feels great; something to look forward to and to move you away from some of the day to day grind. You certainly deserve it with all you have been through.
Running for president? Why would you want that job? Seriously, I read you last post again and didn't see it. Did i miss it? Am I out to lunch too and now have joined all those other useless males in your eyes? lol Steven
Marabou? If that is fuzzy slipper stuff, with little pink fly-away feathers and the like, nope, sorry.
Where you go to school is important. It has to fit the person and personality as well as the wallet. And, if it is not academic, what is the point? That is why we go to college, to learn. So, I do not feel anyone who goes somewhere that is a party or waste of time school has actually been through a higher educational system...and, right or wrong, I often call them on it if they brag about their matriculation history. That you went to an academic school speaks volumes to who you are. And, as far as being in the city and quality...have you ever seen where Temple is? It is a good school and it is in the middle of a very rough area. And, many "rough" looking areas are not that rough anyway. There is more serious crime in many suburbs than in some city neighborhoods. It really just depends where you are. But men and women should go where they want, not what looks "nice".
I am glad you brought up the integrity piece. I was hoping you might.
Now, a question. Why do you think I brought up that point? Do you think it was because I think you lack integrity? Do you think that would serve any purpose...trying to make you think that I had integrity and you did not? (Why would I? That would be cheap and worthless.)
But, consider what you have been through. Your integrity has been questioned at every level; from the pre-charting thing; to questioning your overall competence; to relationships; to how your parents saw you; to how tmm 1 saw you; to how doctors sometimes see you; to how Peter does. It is a significant emotional trigger and it makes you very upset. It is also, as a person who wants to see you do very well, is something that feel should be explored further. You, of course do, have integrity and standards. But others have tried to rob you of that in so many ways, and you have been hurt in the process. I believe that when you feel the integrity button gets pressed that you should stop for a second and see if it is not an opportunity to take a breath and react differently. Seems to me...IMHO, that when people question you along those lines, that is when you really start worry and fret and feel maybe, shame or serious self doubt. Anger sometimes covers those more vulnerable feeling. That is my point, and I hope it makes some sense. I would like to see you move past being hurt by people who question that aspect of you, as it really is none of their business.
Dr b. Well, why do you want to have him attracted (You do not say the word, like) to you? Isn't his friendship just as good? If not, why not? Just curious here. Or is it, as you said later with tmm2, the fact that you feel you can wrap certain men around your finger...
I hate (I am being serious) horses. I love almost all animal, except monkeys and horses. If I had a horse dream it would be really, really, odd. I do have flying without a plane dreams on occasion...Ever have one? They are great.
I agree about the Disney trip. Yes it is scary to plan this right now, but you need to go. I can see that you need the stress relief and you should hear yourself talk about it. You need it.
Okay, call me oblivious and that I am reading comprehensive challenged. I missed the comment totally. (although now I do seem to recall it a bit.) And, now that I read it well, that is pretty funny actually.
I wouldn't worry about your daughter. Parallel play is what neighbor boy is supposed to do when he sees her. He is supposed to try to get her attention so he can see how she reacts to his actions. He is a boy, so the play is rather macho, and he apparently is at the stage where he really needs to get her attention. It isn't her. He would do this with a boy too. Don't worry. She isn't doomed to attracting these types. Promise. Steven
Your story about how you felt you had to move out at 18 and how you literally were on your own is powerful. Did you ever wonder why you feel such a lack of safety and confidence in your life? Just look at the background that you had; you were placed into extremely anxious situations and then had to find answers for yourself, totally yourself. It is wild that you got money orders for yourself and that you did not even have a checkbook That shows how strong in character you were. It may seem like not much to you now, but you really did put up a great battle back then...You should be proud of yourself. You did what many could not, and I mean that. Few college age people can do this anymore as they rely so much on mom and dad and you didn't have either supporting you. You truly can say that all you have, you earned yourself.
And, this also shows how smart you are...you got into nursing school without really studying for the exam. Not many could do that either. And, you paid for it all.
I could not help notice the outright comment that Joe reminded you of your father and that you like older men. I know you have said this before, but maybe not in so direct a way. I see this as significant. You did not have a home life where you felt safe, or loved in a deep way, at least as I see it, but these men that you were with provided some sense of who you were as a woman. Do you think that plays out in any way now?
It is natural to want people to want you. But it is also okay to want them as friends and have it mean just as much.
You mean you repress all of your dreams? All of them? I wonder what is in those dreams. And, of course you dream. People who don't have REM don't live very long.
Well, now that the whole story of the Casanova next door is out; yes, that sounds a but more than simple play. And, he kissed her? At the age of four he is kissing little girls? Something is amiss there. I wonder what this kid is seeing in his home. Does he have a normal father? It is taught to both sexes. Something is up with this child, I guarantee it.
How you talk about Disney? It is like a light to you. You get all excited and talk about it so much. It shows how much in need of a vacation that you really are in and it is a symbol of getting away from all this crap that you are dealing with. That is a good thing and I am grateful you have something to look forward to. Steven
Bravo to you Liz for being so financially responsible and getting rid of all those credit cards. They are such a noose around a family's neck, that being free of them is a blessing. I know student loans and how awful they can be. We were there too until recently. I celebrated when the loans were paid off at a really fancy restaurant. And, that restaurant bill was less than the monthly loan payments. Kind of sad really when you think about it.
I laughed out loud at the comment you made about the nin test and having the best grade without studying. That is just poetic. Love it.
If it wasn't your father, respectfully XXXXX XXXXX do you think made so you attuned to what men think of you? I notice that you do not seem as bothered about what a woman thinks, at least that seems so to me.
Disgusted by men, forever? What is that about? Really, we disgust you? How about that? Talk about a love-hate relationship. The little boy who was the kisser...he had some other issues I am sure. That is out of developmental norm, a lot.
Before you see yourself in another house and in another life, wait to see what will happen. As I have said, it is far from clear and there seems to be a whole lot of uncertainty about what your case is about. Like I said, if it was clear cut there would not be all of this fuss about tapes and so forth. I know you did not mean to have all of this happen. That is the worst of this, as all you wanted was to stay ahead of the game. You never wanted this to be so terrible and drawn out. But, this is anything but a done deal. I still feel this will turn out okay. You do not deserve this. It was a mistake, not an act of a serial killer.
Disney is not relaxing. That is a truth. It is fun, but it is not a vacation where you sit on a beach and relax reading a book. It is run and run. Fun, but lots of running.
Your doctors A & B are perverts. I am telling you, you could be rich with all the sexual harassment stuff you could bring up on this place. It only has to be perceived harassment for proof. I find this, disturbing...why are they so free with sexual comments?And with the Italian comment, that is racial and discriminatory for sure. You sure you don't want to see the end of Dr a? You have enough to certainly to make a stink if you wanted to.
I am sure your father is okay with the amex use. Men get like that initially. I am sure that this will pass quickly. He knows you will pay him. It may have been a grumpy moment for him.
The admin thing and dr b is probably going to go nowhere fast. But, I hope he is nice to her when he lets her down. I feel for this lady. She has feelings for him. He took care of her brother and now she has feelings for him. This does not look good I can say that. But what can you do? Like you said to Jenn. Say out of this. It can explode if you get in he middle. What did dr b want to say I wonder? Are you worried that the admin will be jealous? Steven
What if men think you are not hot? Does that make you any less hot? See what I mean? Your hotness is either there or it is not. No man can tell you otherwise. Get it?
Disgusting. Fine. I have been called much worse. lol
Besides if I am disgusting you are in trouble, getting advice from this "disgusting" man.
And, you know: What if you have one of these "boys"? You would see how we are, in growth and development: firsthand...Our terrible, testosterone poisoned, selves.
I know you lost some of who you felt you were, but I also do not see you as "deteriorated" as you say. You still have a quick wit and fire; it is just different. And who would not be broken under all that they put you through? You can't expect flesh to behave as steel. You are human and they can hurt you. But, they cannot take you, not really. Pieces of how you act maybe, but not you. I just do not see that as a possibility, no matter how you feel about yourself at this moment.
The doctors: I still think this type of sexual commentary is bad for you and bad for the hospital. It does nothing but potentially cause trouble. And, it is degrading to women. That is why it is against the law, which is why I am so negative about it. It is your choice of course, what you do with it, but I still find the whole thing degrading to you and all women.
Oh great. Now you are the matchmaker/reporter or the "other woman" for the admin and dr b? Is there some way you can get out of that??? That is awful. I can just see the mess this is headed toward if this is not headed off quickly. I would reassure the admin that you are just casual friends with him. Anything. Why on earth does she want to talk to you anyway and why won't jenn tell you? If she does ask I would use a lot of active listening if possible and give her nothing. She sounds, risky.
Hope you have fun at work. Steven
No, I do not get it. Existence is what it is. It does not come into reality through what someone else says. So, you are hot and people notice it, not that they notice you and then you become hot.
Thank you for the complement. I consider it a great privilege to serve you, disgusting as I am.
Nothing makes a person feel more isolated than stress without support. You had no friends on last night, the problems were numerous and you were crazed. (You survived it. That is, seriously, an accomplishment. I am surprised that as tough as the hospital is that this does not happen more often.)
The male nurse knew he offended you, that is why he gave you the candy. He was undoing what he knew was wrong. This is sadly pretty simple defensive stuff and really reflects on his maturity level. Of course, you gave as good as you got so he was nuked as a response. Did you do well? That depends. Was your goal utter destruction of this man's ego? If that was the goal I would say that you succeeded.
You have talked about your wit a lot in the time that we have talked. No, I did not know you then, but I can infer from what you have said that you may be different than you were, but you still are, Liz. There also is the fact that we all have very unreliable memories and images of what we were like. You may simply be matured by time as far as your approach. Then again, if you argue this point, well...maybe that proves you are still the same. lol
A boy it is then. And, yes, you can raise polite children. My wife says men are the way they are north of the mason dixon because they are Yankees. Yankees have no manners she claims. True or not, you can raise a polite boy. Mine is extraordinarily so, and I am not bragging.
What do I think about the admin? I think she needs to ask the man out and leave you out of it. I might say with a smile, with matter of the heart I stay to myself. You could tell her that you think she should ask him, and leave it at that. What on earth would she want from you? A date introduction? A man-map of his feelings? You only know this man as a coworker. And that indeed may be the safest thing to say. It is the truth. It is simple and it covers you. Do not say too much about him to her. This is nothing, if not trouble.
You sound like you were really, extremely at the end of your rope last night. It does not help that you were tired, overworked and crazy from stress. That is the worst of this. I do not see how anyone else could have acted. I am amazed that with this stress you are able to do as well as you can. It is a real pressure cooker.