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Dr. Rossi
Dr. Rossi, Psychotherapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 4627
Experience:  PsyD, LPC, CHt
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I would like to know if i need professional help for this question:

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I would like to know if i need professional help for this question: I'm in a relationship that keeps me busy from the time i wake up to the time i go to sleep and i have no interest in sex with my partner at that point i'm just to exausted. Now he found a friend from his past and i came upon the messages they were sending to each other, very sexual messages and he denies that nothing but sex talk with this lady. Now he has done this to me before and got caught by me sending sexual messages to other woman. Now am i wrong to think that i cannot get over the fact that he's engaging in sexual talk and maybe physically i cannot prove it because he hides everything and he's more like a con artist.

Hi,

 

Q: " am i wrong to think that i cannot get over the fact that he's engaging in sexual talk and maybe physically i cannot prove it because he hides everything and he's more like a con artist."

 

A: Thinking that you can't rather than you won't be able to get over the fact is unhealthy. How you feel largely depends on your internal dialog (what you tell yourself, how much time you spend thinking/ruminating about it and if you accept those mental statements as true)

The good news is that with professional assistance you can learn how to manage these self defeating and sabotaging thoughts and work through this issue. Of course, this does not imply that you should trust him blindly. The two of you can talk about what had caused these sort of messages to be exchanged on both ends. There must be factors that had led to it over time.

 

You've shared that you are dealing with a low libido. That is not an indication that you do not love him. Low libido can be caused by different things from depressed mood, medication, hormonal changes to painful intercourse or traits of asexuality.

If you believe that on your end this had been the primary catalyst behind this situations, you could work with a sexologist. They are trained clinicians and can address variety of other issues with you. At least, you'd get some objective feedback and the tools you can use to move forward.

http://www.aasect.org/directory.asp

 

Customer: replied 5 years ago.
I want to know from you if talking dirty to a woman friend from your past is right? These messages were so explicit that the talk between them ex: from her (i can't wait to feel your penis inside me) and the reply from him (and you SHALL) so on. Now does this not sound like something is going on already between these two?
If the person who's doing this sort of talking and is in a committed relationship with another, then no it is not right. It is disrespectful and deceptive. It does sound like something may be going on but like you said, at this time you don't have tangible proof.
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