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Elliott, LPCC, NCC
Elliott, LPCC, NCC, Psychotherapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 7664
Experience:  35 years of experience as a Licensed Professional Clinical Counselor, National Certified Counselor and a college professor.
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Customer Question

I didn't appreciate the way he talked to me and the way it made me feel. Is it woth it to stand my ground?
Submitted: 4 years ago.
Category: Mental Health
Expert:  Elliott, LPCC, NCC replied 4 years ago.
Seeking expert counseling is a sign of strength. A personal relationship with a caring professional is proven clinically effective.

Dear friend,

It sounds as if you have reached your limits. This time he will have to do more than keep promises that he cannot stick to regarding how he speaks with you.

I do not know if divorce is an option with you, but if may have to be your final option. If it is not, then he may never change. Here is what I propose:

Find a seasoned and very intelligent marriage and family therapist and speak with her or him by way of determining if this is a person whom you respect and feel has the ability to help you.

Line up a potential appointment with the therapist at a time when your husband can go with you. Tell him that your relationship cannot hold up any longer unless you and he can communicate better. Don't put the blame on him. Make is about the both of you.

If he does not agree to go to therapy with you then you must tell him that you see this as his failure to recognize that you have a serious problem, that he doesn't care about your feelings, and that you cannot continue the relationship any longer. He won't change and you are willing to get help fixing it. If he is not then your relationship is too painful to continue.

Tell him that he has a week to consider (have your appointment a week in advance) and that if he doesn't go, you will talk to an attorney about divorce.

If this is too radical for you, then the best I can do is offer you an excellent book on communications that you BOTH must read and actually put into practice. The book is:

The Seven Principles for Making Marriages Work by John Gottman

This book can save a marriage, but there has to be recognition of the problem first, and then real steps taken by both parties to fix it. I hope that you can. It is all about communication.

Warm regards,

Elliott Sewell, LPCC, NCC, CCMHC

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