How JustAnswer Works:

  • Ask an Expert
    Experts are full of valuable knowledge and are ready to help with any question. Credentials confirmed by a Fortune 500 verification firm.
  • Get a Professional Answer
    Via email, text message, or notification as you wait on our site.
    Ask follow up questions if you need to.
  • 100% Satisfaction Guarantee
    Rate the answer you receive.

Ask Karyn Jones Your Own Question

Karyn Jones
Karyn Jones, Mental Health Professional
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 1716
Experience:  Diploma of Counselling and Transactional Analysis Counselling, Lifeline counselling, Pastoral Care.
Type Your Mental Health Question Here...
Karyn Jones is online now
A new question is answered every 9 seconds

I know a young man who I have known a very long time. As a

Resolved Question:

I know a young man who I have known a very long time. As a twelve/thirteen year old he was a loner, who was obsessed with the army and going in the army. He was often seen roaming around the woods and village in full combat gear - always by himself - and he got into the habit of stalking me and my husband, turning up wherever we went and telling us he was spying on us. We had to ask him to stop which he did - or at least he did not present himself to us again in this role but I think he still continued spying on us. We put it down to his age, and his loneliness. But he continued to play at being a solider for years until he was at least sixteen or seventeen. He also told bizarre lies about himself and his life as though to make himself more interesting. He didn't like other kids he said, and his behaviour seemed to suggest this - not spending any time with them or unable to relate to them. He worked for the RSPCA as a volunteer but he was cruel to our animals so I don't think he liked animals much and often wondered why he worked there. He is now twenty two but he is still very much a loner, and he still comes to us from time to time and tells us stories of how he is a trainer of young recruits in the army, has seen active service and is currently suffering from PTSD - none of which I believe to be true. But he also claims to be a gardener for a Homeless Project (which may be true) and when he recently found out I was fostering, he claimed to work for a Youth Council as a voluntary outreach worker. Even though he produced a badge to confirm this - it was clearly a fake badge that he had made himself. He presents as very cold, very arrogant and almost contemptuous of everyone. There is a darkness about him that disturbs me. He has recently begun dating a vulnerable sixteen year old and attending our church with her. He has also convinced her and her family that he is a big business man (which I also know is not true). He not only tells these stories but goes to great length to prove them by dressing up and making badges and labels and setting up web pages. He had a year long relationship last year with a girl I would describe as being very cowed and vulnerable, and her parents were so concerned about the relationship that they forcibly removed her from his home. He recently told my husband that he was virtually a qualified foster carer - had had all his checks done apart from one or two. When challenged about his lies even gently, he gets very defensive, very angry - but in a controlled way that is quite disturbing - and will go to great lengths to prove that he is what he is saying he is. I have grave concerns about him, and great concerns about vulnerable people. Am I right to be so concerned?
Submitted: 2 years ago.
Category: Mental Health
Expert:  Karyn Jones replied 2 years ago.
Hello and thank you for bringing your query to Just Answer...and can truly imagine why you and your husband are both very' concerned about this young man ...and to be perfectly honest with you, going by what you have said re: his conversations and frame of mind, I would be too...
He sounds as though he is suffering delusional thoughts of granduer...that is wanting to be or 'pretending to be someone he really 'isn't....and so has trouble relating to people in the 'real world'..I 'suspect' only that, he 'might' be suffering from an anti-social personality disorder..socio-path disorder of sorts...that is someone who tries to 'manipulate the thinking of others..and if not accepted or agreed with can become hostile or agressive ..( defensive)
This type of personality disorder is very hard to deal with, mainly because they have no regards XXXXX XXXXX thoughts or rights of others...
To confront or challenge such a person ( if this is indeed the case here) ..to them means that you are confronting the delusional 'self' of granduar..and so their own accountability in life..
This young man needs help professional help ..and it sounds to me as though he is not there yet!!! as currently he sees nothing wrong with the 'who he is' or who he claims to be!!...and it might be sometime before he 'ever does' if' he ever does..
Under the circumstances I ( know that this would be difficult for you as easier said than done) but I would be inclined to try and distance yourselves from him in the future...
Confrontation to him spells 'battlefield' I don't mean to frighten you or anything but..
He is the only one that can wake up to himself...and realize that he is living a lie ..and that his life is a lie...I also beleive that at sometime in his life ( as a young boy)..he has felt a failure and been badly criticized and that he hasn't lived up to someones expectations of him..( someone close!!!maybe family!!?) Stand back and try not to make yourself available to him if you can help it...this will only encourage him to 'play out his role'....a much dreamed role...

I truly wish that there was more that I could add, but, this is something that he needs to realize about himself and this will take time...when people become tired of it.....

I truly hope that I have explained it a bit more for you though...and hope it helps.....
Take very good care of 'selves' now and its a good time to become 'unavailable' as his stories will only become bigger and better...

Kind thoughts
warmest wishes
Karyn J (ProfClinicalDipCoBmin)
Karyn Jones, Mental Health Professional
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 1716
Experience: Diploma of Counselling and Transactional Analysis Counselling, Lifeline counselling, Pastoral Care.
Karyn Jones and 2 other Mental Health Specialists are ready to help you
Customer: replied 2 years ago.
Thank you very much. I think that in my head and heart I was coming to this sort of conclusion myself and I feel that I will take your advice on.

JustAnswer in the News:

 
 
 
Ask-a-doc Web sites: If you've got a quick question, you can try to get an answer from sites that say they have various specialists on hand to give quick answers... Justanswer.com.
JustAnswer.com...has seen a spike since October in legal questions from readers about layoffs, unemployment and severance.
Web sites like justanswer.com/legal
...leave nothing to chance.
Traffic on JustAnswer rose 14 percent...and had nearly 400,000 page views in 30 days...inquiries related to stress, high blood pressure, drinking and heart pain jumped 33 percent.
Tory Johnson, GMA Workplace Contributor, discusses work-from-home jobs, such as JustAnswer in which verified Experts answer people’s questions.
I will tell you that...the things you have to go through to be an Expert are quite rigorous.
 
 
 

What Customers are Saying:

 
 
 
  • I can go as far as to say it could have resulted in saving my sons life and our entire family now knows what bipolar is and how to assist and understand my most wonderful son, brother and friend to all who loves him dearly. Thank you very much Corrie Moll Pretoria, South Africa
< Last | Next >
  • I can go as far as to say it could have resulted in saving my sons life and our entire family now knows what bipolar is and how to assist and understand my most wonderful son, brother and friend to all who loves him dearly. Thank you very much Corrie Moll Pretoria, South Africa
  • I thank-you so much! It really helped to have this information and confirmation. We will watch her carefully and get her in for the examination and US right away if things do not improve. God bless you as well! Claudia Albuquerque, NM
  • Outstanding response time less than 6 minutes. Answered the question professionally and with a great deal of compassion. Kevin Beaverton, OR
  • Suggested diagnosis was what I hoped and will take this info to my doctor's appointment next week.
    I feel better already! Thank you.
    Elanor Tracy, CA
  • Thank you to the Physician who answered my question today. The answer was far more informative than what I got from the Physicians I saw in person for my problem. Julie Lockesburg, AR
  • You have been more help than you know. I seriously don't know what my sisters situation would be today if you had not gone above and beyond just answering my questions. John and Stefanie Tucson, AZ
  • I have been dealing with an extremely serious health crisis for over three years, and one your physicians asked me more questions, gave me more answers and encouragement than a dozen different doctors who have been treating me!! Janet V Phoenix, AZ
 
 
 

Meet The Experts:

 
 
 
  • Dr. Keane

    Therapist

    Satisfied Customers:

    1262
    Clinical Psychology PhD, Licensed Professional Counselor with experience in marriage/family, teens and child psychology.
< Last | Next >
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/DR/Dr.Keane/2013-8-20_204325_drkeane.64x64.jpg Dr. Keane's Avatar

    Dr. Keane

    Therapist

    Satisfied Customers:

    1262
    Clinical Psychology PhD, Licensed Professional Counselor with experience in marriage/family, teens and child psychology.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/RE/resolutions66/2011-1-17_05728_IMG8202smilingeditedforJustAnswer.64x64.jpg Elliott, LPCC, NCC's Avatar

    Elliott, LPCC, NCC

    Psychotherapist

    Satisfied Customers:

    5024
    35 years of experience as a Licensed Professional Clinical Counselor, National Certified Counselor and a college professor.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/formybunch/2010-12-06_191055_img_0975.jpg Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC's Avatar

    Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC

    Therapist

    Satisfied Customers:

    3733
    Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/DR/DrAkiraOlsen/2012-2-20_746_AkiraADpicmain.64x64.jpg Dr. Olsen's Avatar

    Dr. Olsen

    Psychologist

    Satisfied Customers:

    2336
    PsyD Psychologist
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/norriem/2009-5-27_134249_nm.jpg Norman M.'s Avatar

    Norman M.

    Psychotherapist

    Satisfied Customers:

    2193
    UK trained in hypnotherapy, counselling and psychotherapy and have been in private practice. ADHP(NC), DEHP(NC), UKCP Registered and ECP.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/PsychologyProf/2010-07-15_171248_logos060400409.jpg Dr. Michael's Avatar

    Dr. Michael

    Psychologist

    Satisfied Customers:

    2177
    Licensed Ph.D. Clinical Health Psychology with 30 years of experience in private practive and as a clinical psychology university professor.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/KURTEMMERLING/2010-07-23_215531_just_ask_picture1.jpg Steven Olsen's Avatar

    Steven Olsen

    Therapist

    Satisfied Customers:

    1727
    More than twenty years of expertise in counseling, psychological diagnosis and education