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KansasTherapist
KansasTherapist, LSCSW
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 566
Experience:  17 years experience with depression, abuse, and borderline.
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My son was an 18 year-old Marine when he was killed in Iraq

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My son was an 18 year-old Marine when he was killed in Iraq in March of 2003. He was my only son, I also have a daughter who will be 21 in May. I've been divorced for 12 years without having so much as a date since, by my own choice. It was an emotionally & physically abusive relationship & I don't want to take the chance of going through that again. So I don't have the support of a partner. I am finally at peace with the fact that I'll never accept my son's death. It's the only way I'm able to function. The reason I'm writing is my sister has 3 daughters. The oldest is 22 & her boyfriend of 4 years has told my sister, her husband & me that he plans to ask her to marry him. He is keeping this a secret & wants to pop the question in front of friends & family. We are a close family, I feel that her daughters are my own. However I don't know how I'm going to get through what should be a very special event. It's been difficult seeing my son's friends get married, a couple have had children. But every time I think of my niece I feel devastated. I should be so happy for her, and I feel very selfish that I'm not. How can I get through this without thinking of what I've lost & give her the love & support she deserves?
Submitted: 4 years ago.
Category: Mental Health
Expert:  KansasTherapist replied 4 years ago.

JACUSTOMER-3wxg6ws3- : Hello
JACUSTOMER-3wxg6ws3- : I don't think there is anything more painful than losing a child.
JACUSTOMER-3wxg6ws3- : I can only imagine how difficult his loss has been for you.
JACUSTOMER-3wxg6ws3- : It is the loss of all your hopes and dreams for him that makes seeing other family members acheive what your son never can, devastating.
JACUSTOMER-3wxg6ws3- : If you don't believe you can get through a party celebrating your nieces engagement, you don't have to go. Just a few words to your sister or your niece about how difficutl it is for you, hopefully, will smooth things over. You could offer an invitation to dinner with you to celebrate the engagement if that would be less stressful.
JACUSTOMER-3wxg6ws3- : Does this sound like something you could do?
KansasTherapist and other Mental Health Specialists are ready to help you
Customer: replied 4 years ago.
Thank you. Just typing this out and having someone read it who isn't personally judgmental has helped. I really don't want to miss this special moment in my niece's life.
Expert:  KansasTherapist replied 4 years ago.
You could go and see how you feel. Thinking about it before hand might be making the emotions more intense. In the party environment, with your family all around it could be better than you're expecting. I agree, it would be a hard event to miss.

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