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Dr. Kaushik
Dr. Kaushik, Psychiatrist
Category: Mental Health
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Experience:  MD Psychiatry
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Hi, I am currently separated from my wife of 22 years after

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Hi, I am currently separated from my wife of 22 years after she suddenly decided she no longer wanted to be in the marriage. She left on the basis of a conversation she had with a counselor she had been seeing without my knowledge. Apparently she told the counselor she feared for her safety, although in our whole marriage there has never been any physical abuse. The counselor recommended she move out and she did so in complete surprise to me. She told me at the time she needed more counselling. I was not able to get her to do joint marriage counselling for the first two months of our separation, but she finally agreed.
At the first appointment, she took up most of the time with a list of complaints about how unfeeling and unloving a husband I am, bringing out complaints I had never heard before and all composed to make me look really bad. The marriage counselor was bowled over by all these and said it looked like the marriage was really finished as she was so negative. She even called him later to reinforce her message and the counselor gave up. Funnily enough, this session took place on Valentines Day and she was annoyed I had not brought her flowers despite the fact I had got her a Christmas present but she had not got me one. We saw our minister the other day and it was a replay of the first session, but what I noticed this time was she had taken an event almost 20 years ago that we used laugh about and now presented it as further proof that I was a bad husband. While I admit we need to work on the marriage I don't think I am a bad husband, but I am amazed at how negative and attacking her mood has become. It is unlike her. I am wondering if she should be seeing a psychiatrist rather than a marriage counselor as I sense a difference in her and don't think the marriage counselors can deal with it.
Submitted: 2 years ago.
Category: Mental Health
Expert:  Dr. Kaushik replied 2 years ago.

Hi there,

 

Welcome to Just answer !

 

Well, i think she may perhaps be suffering from Depression and it is under the clout of depression that she is being so negative about you and everything else in the marriage. Also, since once she mentioned that she fears about her safety , this incident spells of paranoid behaviour , which also can be an extention of a depressive condition or it can be a different psychiatry condition altogether ...

 

So, yes her mood changes as narrated by you seem to me rather abrupt and possibly driven by an underlying psychopathology aka psychological condition like Depression or psychosis ...so in this regard consulting a psychiatrist to evaluate her properly should be the first step , because it is quite likely that her decision to end marraige is not hers but it is taken under the influence of underlying psychological condition that she is in at the moment and on top of it she is unaware / lack insight into all of this happening around her ..

 

So, yes a psychiatrist would be te first step here for proper evaluation of her and if there is a clearance from the psychiatrist 's side then you may proceed to a counselor ...

 

I hope this helps..

 

Wish you all the best..

 

Please press the ACCEPT button if you are satisfied with the answer as only then will i be credited for my service.

 

Regards..

Dr. Kaushik, Psychiatrist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 4023
Experience: MD Psychiatry
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