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Penny Rayas, MFT
Penny Rayas, MFT, Therapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 395
Experience:  I have 20 years experience in the mental health field
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My son is 34 yrs old, lives alone, and is a manager for a very

Customer Question

My son is 34 yrs old, lives alone, and is a manager for a very large corp. When he was transferred out of state by his employer, he started drinking heavily on a daily basis. We brought him back to PA and put him in a rehab where he was diagnosed with “Manic Depression”. After 21 days, he was placed in an outpatient rehab. He would go back to work, only to start drinking again. He was then put in rehab for 30 days in Florida. After going back to work, he again relapsed. We are so worried he is going to die of alcohol poisoning, a bad fall, or detox. He drinks a gallon of rum a day. When he goes on a binge, we take his car keys, then of course we worry sick about him going through detox. I’ve stayed over night with him%2
Submitted: 5 years ago.
Category: Mental Health
Expert:  Penny Rayas, MFT replied 5 years ago.
Hello there you question was cut. I would like to help let me know what you questions are.
Customer: replied 5 years ago.

through this and a few times taken him to the emergency room. Unknowing to us at times he would detox on his own. We, his family and his friends to not know how to deal with his disease Manic depression with alcolism. What do we do when he goes on these BINGES? How do we keep him safe? ~Marianne


Customer: replied 5 years ago.
What am I replying to? There is no question or reply?
Expert:  Penny Rayas, MFT replied 5 years ago.

I am sorry about your son's troubles. I can't even imagine how hard this is for you. I think you have been right about detoxing him. He drinks so much that he can have delirium tremors if he detoxed on his own. I think your son needs to see a dual diagnosis specialist. A dual diagnosis therapist is a therapist who specializes in mental illness and drugs and alcohol treatment. He will need to stay on his bi-polar medication and also attend a program. I think the best thing you can do is to find a therapist who does interventions in your community. An intervention has a specialist get together with members of your family to talk to him about the help he needs. Many residential treatment programs offer interventions. I would start by helping yourself by attending your local Al-anon groups. Al-anon is a self-help group for parents and family of alcoholics. The best thing you can do as a parent is to stop rescuing him. I know is painful but he will have to hit bottom and realize he needs help. The positive thing I see is that he tries recovery and I imagine he has some tools from the programs he attended. He needs to not give up recovery takes a long time. First I would recommend that he sees a doctor and a therapist. Your son will probably need to go on a detox program again.

Customer: replied 5 years ago.

I did go to a few al-anon meetings. I could not relate since their love ones were on drugs. Since only a few attended, the church meeting closed. The only other meetings are in a bad area in the evenings.


He does have a psychiatrist/PA to which he was attending on a regular basis. When he went back to work they put him on a monthly schedule. That gave him too much time in between. When I got word he was drinking on the weekends, I called his psychiatrist and asked him to see him. He did call him and saw him last Thursday. Well again, this weekend, he was drinking and took off work. When he does drink, he does it alone. He will not answer his phone. Only through text from his friends, do I find out he is drinking. I've driven out there (an hr away) to take his keys and he would tell me to go away. He is like a whole different person when he is not well.


I understand rock bottom, but his would be death!

Customer: replied 5 years ago.

Intervention is a good idea, however they want thousands of dollars. We don't have the money. Also, it was recommended by his psychiatrist for him to go back into rehab when he was already off the alcohol for a week. From what I was told, rehabs do not take you if you are not going through immediate detox. Is this true?

Expert:  Penny Rayas, MFT replied 5 years ago.
It is true intervention is expensive. Some rehabs will take people after they have been clean for 2 days or a week. Some will not and want people to be in detox first. Some of my clients say they had a drink the day before to get into the social detox even when they dont. His psychiatrist will know what rehabs take someone sober and which one want detox first. Some rehabs only take people after social detox. Social detox is easy to get into. Your son probably knows he system so does his doctor. Does your son have a therapist? The hospital or clinic social worker will help him also.
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Customer: replied 5 years ago.

I typed in Residential Treatment Centers in his area and they show quite a few sites. I am going to print this out and call everyone of them to see if there can be an intervention without the costly fee.


When you say let him hit rock bottom, does that mean do not do anything? Just wait? It scares me since he lives alone and will not what might happen to him. He may go out and try to drive.

Customer: replied 5 years ago.
What is social detox?
Expert:  Penny Rayas, MFT replied 5 years ago.
Hello there hiting rock bottom look different for everyone. I am not sure what it will mean for your son. For you it means to not give him any money give him support and love only. You can say I will be here for you but you can't stay in my home when drunk or high or off your psych meds. Setting good bounderies is loving. Say I will buy you dinner but will not give you money. Sometimes loved one want to help but they don't help because if the addict does not have natural negative results of his actions he will not change. I love you but will not support your addiction. I hope this makes sense and good luck to you. Social detox is a detox that does take place outside a hospital. Type social detox and it will give you the name.
Customer: replied 5 years ago.

He is very independent. He makes very good money so has never asked for any. He never asks for ANYTHING never did. He just wants to be left alone. There was a time where he must of had a very small seizure and called me early morning. I then called an ambulance for him and he was released from hospital within hours. Like I said rock bottom for him will be a stroke or death.


I will type in social detox. Thanks

Expert:  Penny Rayas, MFT replied 5 years ago.
You are wellcome. It looks like you are doing your best. Your son has to make up his mind that his life is worth it. The more times he tries to become sober the most likely for him to become sober. Yes alcoholism is a deadly disease. All you can do is tell him that you worry about him and that you love him and want to help. Seizures happen when he tries to detox on his own. He probably tried to detox on his own after drinking too much. His psychiatrist can give him some education on how to detox safely. The hosptital does not hold someone for very long they stablelise them and let them out. I have a feeling your son should have stayed longer to detox in the hospital but often hospitals give them medication and send them home to detox on their own. I hope his bottom is this. Somehow he kept a job maybe lossing his job will be his bottom.
Customer: replied 5 years ago.

I thought the same thing, it might be a good thing for him to loose his job. The problem would be he would not have insurance to pay for his medicines for his mental illness, psychiatrist and recovery if he should ask for it.


We will continue to convince him to ask for help.


Thank you.

Have a good evening :)

Expert:  Penny Rayas, MFT replied 5 years ago.
good luck to you and your son. Thanks for working with me.