Hello. I believe I can be of help to you with this issue.
This is almost surely a 'cover' he is using to eventually act out his romantic intentions toward your wife. The idea that 12 step programs can help all manner of problems is ridiculous. It doesn't help anxiety
disorders, depression, etc., but can be useful for impulse control and addiction problems. And instead of having a friend help the person 'do AA' stuff, it is simply best for the person to GO TO AA, or join an adult therapy group. Your wife KNOWS what is going on here, and that there is mutual attraction and interest.
I would tell your wife that you want this guy out of your marriage and if she refuses, then this is really quite a signal that there more serious problems facing your relationship than you perhaps realized. You should then INSIST on marital therapy, with a completely neutral party. Also, you can contact your state board of occupational and professional licensing and inform them that this guy is practicing individual counseling, based on AA model----so this means he is doing mental health counseling or practicing psychology without a license. Tell your wife you intend to report him to the state ON MONDAY. If he is investigated and found guilty of breaking state licensing laws, this could lead to fines and a criminal record. So I would threaten to do this if she doesn't withdraw from this therapy relationship and go into therapy with YOU, with a completely neutral therapist, or see a clinical psychologist on her own who had a Ph.D..D. Such as person knows far more about therapy than he does. This guy has probably gone through an addictions program himself and is now a self-ordained expert. But one thing a truly competent therapist would NEVER do would be to encourage a client to continue seeing them if the contacts were causing conflicts in the marriage, or if the partner wasn't ALSO invited to therapy session. THEY WOULD REFER THE PATIENT TO ANOTHER THERAPIST.
I think you have more serious problems in your marriage , and that this issue is a symptom.
What do you think.