How JustAnswer Works:

  • Ask an Expert
    Experts are full of valuable knowledge and are ready to help with any question. Credentials confirmed by a Fortune 500 verification firm.
  • Get a Professional Answer
    Via email, text message, or notification as you wait on our site.
    Ask follow up questions if you need to.
  • 100% Satisfaction Guarantee
    Rate the answer you receive.

Ask Dr. Olsen Your Own Question

Dr. Olsen
Dr. Olsen, Psychologist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 2336
Experience:  PsyD Psychologist
46062601
Type Your Mental Health Question Here...
Dr. Olsen is online now
A new question is answered every 9 seconds

Husband had an affair with a much younger girl. He doesnt ever

Customer Question

Husband had an affair with a much younger girl. He doesnt ever want to talk about it. I have also caught him watching porn several times after him promising he wouldnt while he denies me sexually. Obviously he is not in love with me. Why do I hang on
Submitted: 2 years ago.
Category: Mental Health
Expert:  Dr. Olsen replied 2 years ago.
Hi
Thank you for writing in JustAnswer.
I'm sorry to hear about your husband's situation.
Let me ask you a few questions first.
When did this problem start?
When did he have an affair with another woman?
Have you and your husband had marriage counseling?
Is there a specific question I can assist you with?
Please let me know by clicking on “Reply” and I will then craft my response.
I look forward to hearing from you.
Warm Regards,
Customer: replied 2 years ago.
It started in november 2009 while I was away using my vacation time and money to help care for his grandparents in california (we live in arkansas) i stumbled across the himdreds of texts that started as soon as i left on phone bill. He was distant for a few months but wouldn't tell me what was bothering him. He left me when i confronted him and wouldu talk to me for weeks but wanted to get back together when divorce papers were ready. We have no choldren together but i have 14t yr old daughter and he has 14 ur old son that lives with us. His son stayed at husbands mothers while we were separated and he had almost no contact with him during that time. Husband denied ever having sex with girl but 2 weeks after we got back together she texted me and told me she would answer any questions i had for her. They did have sexual relatilnship unprotected and she got pregnant. He told her he would never have anything to do with babu and mad her have abortion. She was upset he never cbecked. on her afterwards and that was why she t told me. The porn start before he met her and i have caught it on his phone after! ! I was always willing and it makes me feel lime he is not attracted to me. He has stopped for last week (o can tell ) but for how long..i know it is a matter of time. I told him the time before the last that i would have to get out of relationship if i caught him again. I didnt. This is killing me and i am not fhe same. I am not the mother i used to be and i am not carefeee like i used to be. I cant find myself. I have a 21 yr old daughter in college. This girl was 1flushing year older than my daughter. That disturbes me. We have neen together for 8me yrs nowu he is 36 and i am 38
Expert:  Dr. Olsen replied 2 years ago.
Hi there,
Thank you for your reply.
I'll be back with my answer in 1 hour.
Expert:  Dr. Olsen replied 2 years ago.
Hi there,
Thank you for waiting.
I'm so sorry to hear about what you went through.
It sounds like your husband of 8 years had an affair with a young woman.
You also found he was watching porn several times.
You stated he may have got this woman pregnant. I can imagine how sad this situation must have been to you. I understand you don't feel the same about your husband, yourself, and marriage after finding all about his action.
He still wants to get back together with you.
It sounds like he still loves you.
However, he already broke your trust.
As you are concerned, he may have an affair with someone again unless he acknowledges he has A PROBLEM - like depression, anxiety, sexual addiction etc...
Perhaps, you may need assurance from him that he won't cheat on you again and won't hurt you again.
What do you think?
Do you still want to find a way to forgive and save your marriage regardless of his past action?
Possibly, he has a problem to work on.
I would advise him (or you and him) to work with a psychotherapist to resolve his issues for a few months.
In the meantime, you may also need support from a psychotherapist to handle this problem in your marriage or your husband, and make a decision about your marriage over time.
I hope you stay strong and maintain hope, and continue to get support from the people you trust - family, friends and your therapist.

Please let me know if you have more questions or I have overlooked any. Warm regards,


Customer: replied 2 years ago.
Well i dont think he loves me at all. How could he have unprotected sex and not tell me, putting me in danger. Keep on watching porn after she told me. I would think if he loved me he wouldnt want to lose me. Its like he doesn't care. I feel like he is using me to take care of things. Because i am responsible. I am wondering why do i stay. I feel like he was wonderful long enough till i put my guard down and have me hooked now he doesnt care. He only stopped because he doent want to get caught. He lies about little things still. How do i find myself again? Why does he have a hold on me. I loose respect for him more and more.
Expert:  Dr. Olsen replied 2 years ago.
Hi there,
Thank you for your reply.
I'll be back with my answer.
Expert:  Dr. Olsen replied 2 years ago.
Hi there,
Thank you for waiting.

I understand your feelings.
His past and current action/behavior broke your trust.
It's natural for you to feel like this way.
You deserve a better husband, a good marriage & happiness.

I would advise you to get lots of support from your family, friends, and/or a psychotherapist/counselor in this time.

You'll find a best answer/decision about your marriage over time.

Let me know if you have a question.
I wish you the very best,
Expert:  Dr. Olsen replied 2 years ago.
Do you have a question?
Please remember to click the green ACCEPT button. You do not get charged twice; I will continue to answer your question whenever I am back online; my goal is to get you the best answers possible. If I can be of further help with any issue, just put "for Dr. Olsen" in the front of your new question. All the best, Dr. Olsen

JustAnswer in the News:

 
 
 
Ask-a-doc Web sites: If you've got a quick question, you can try to get an answer from sites that say they have various specialists on hand to give quick answers... Justanswer.com.
JustAnswer.com...has seen a spike since October in legal questions from readers about layoffs, unemployment and severance.
Web sites like justanswer.com/legal
...leave nothing to chance.
Traffic on JustAnswer rose 14 percent...and had nearly 400,000 page views in 30 days...inquiries related to stress, high blood pressure, drinking and heart pain jumped 33 percent.
Tory Johnson, GMA Workplace Contributor, discusses work-from-home jobs, such as JustAnswer in which verified Experts answer people’s questions.
I will tell you that...the things you have to go through to be an Expert are quite rigorous.
 
 
 

What Customers are Saying:

 
 
 
  • I can go as far as to say it could have resulted in saving my sons life and our entire family now knows what bipolar is and how to assist and understand my most wonderful son, brother and friend to all who loves him dearly. Thank you very much Corrie Moll Pretoria, South Africa
< Last | Next >
  • I can go as far as to say it could have resulted in saving my sons life and our entire family now knows what bipolar is and how to assist and understand my most wonderful son, brother and friend to all who loves him dearly. Thank you very much Corrie Moll Pretoria, South Africa
  • I thank-you so much! It really helped to have this information and confirmation. We will watch her carefully and get her in for the examination and US right away if things do not improve. God bless you as well! Claudia Albuquerque, NM
  • Outstanding response time less than 6 minutes. Answered the question professionally and with a great deal of compassion. Kevin Beaverton, OR
  • Suggested diagnosis was what I hoped and will take this info to my doctor's appointment next week.
    I feel better already! Thank you.
    Elanor Tracy, CA
  • Thank you to the Physician who answered my question today. The answer was far more informative than what I got from the Physicians I saw in person for my problem. Julie Lockesburg, AR
  • You have been more help than you know. I seriously don't know what my sisters situation would be today if you had not gone above and beyond just answering my questions. John and Stefanie Tucson, AZ
  • I have been dealing with an extremely serious health crisis for over three years, and one your physicians asked me more questions, gave me more answers and encouragement than a dozen different doctors who have been treating me!! Janet V Phoenix, AZ
 
 
 

Meet The Experts:

 
 
 
  • Dr. Keane

    Therapist

    Satisfied Customers:

    1262
    Clinical Psychology PhD, Licensed Professional Counselor with experience in marriage/family, teens and child psychology.
< Last | Next >
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/DR/Dr.Keane/2013-8-20_204325_drkeane.64x64.jpg Dr. Keane's Avatar

    Dr. Keane

    Therapist

    Satisfied Customers:

    1262
    Clinical Psychology PhD, Licensed Professional Counselor with experience in marriage/family, teens and child psychology.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/RE/resolutions66/2011-1-17_05728_IMG8202smilingeditedforJustAnswer.64x64.jpg Elliott, LPCC, NCC's Avatar

    Elliott, LPCC, NCC

    Psychotherapist

    Satisfied Customers:

    5024
    35 years of experience as a Licensed Professional Clinical Counselor, National Certified Counselor and a college professor.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/formybunch/2010-12-06_191055_img_0975.jpg Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC's Avatar

    Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC

    Therapist

    Satisfied Customers:

    3733
    Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/DR/DrAkiraOlsen/2012-2-20_746_AkiraADpicmain.64x64.jpg Dr. Olsen's Avatar

    Dr. Olsen

    Psychologist

    Satisfied Customers:

    2336
    PsyD Psychologist
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/norriem/2009-5-27_134249_nm.jpg Norman M.'s Avatar

    Norman M.

    Psychotherapist

    Satisfied Customers:

    2193
    UK trained in hypnotherapy, counselling and psychotherapy and have been in private practice. ADHP(NC), DEHP(NC), UKCP Registered and ECP.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/PsychologyProf/2010-07-15_171248_logos060400409.jpg Dr. Michael's Avatar

    Dr. Michael

    Psychologist

    Satisfied Customers:

    2177
    Licensed Ph.D. Clinical Health Psychology with 30 years of experience in private practive and as a clinical psychology university professor.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/KURTEMMERLING/2010-07-23_215531_just_ask_picture1.jpg Steven Olsen's Avatar

    Steven Olsen

    Therapist

    Satisfied Customers:

    1727
    More than twenty years of expertise in counseling, psychological diagnosis and education