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Children have fears for many reasons. Some of the reasons are so minor that the child does not identify them when asked. It takes a professional and a safe setting to really identify why there is this fear. She has associated a fear to your drinking minimal amounts. If this is truly distracting to your family you may want to meet with a professional. It is impossible to guess what is creating this anxiety. It could be almost anything. Maybe one of her friends has parents that are alcoholics and have been telling her about it. Maybe she saw something on TV that effected her. Maybe she learned something in school and she may be suppressing these possibilities. She may open up to you gradually as you tell her that you wish to have a glass of wine and from what source her anxiety is coming from. Let her come to you unless her acting out is reaching levels that disrupt the family.
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We realise she has an underlying fear of something, However, this seems to be also about exerting control over us as parents.
I suppose my question should have been are you aware of other families in a simillar situation, and if so where do they obtain help ? Is there a forum online for this type of problem ?
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This does sound like good advice,... we have got her to agree in the past to try to accept the wine at dinner but she almost always storms out before the end of the meal.
We deal with that by ignoring her behaviour, however sometimes she is agressive and lashes out at me or kicks and breaks things in our home - how do we deal with that when it happens ?