Hi, I'd like to help you with your question.
It sounds like you are doing all the work in your relationship and your husband spends his energy on being resistant to you and any changes you try to make. It is difficult to know how to react when the person you are with is refusing to do their part to work with you and improve the situation. It sounds almost like your husband is being emotionally abusive. He is refusing to meet your needs and is focused on himself. He continually hurts you and does not seem to care. By not trying to meet your needs, he is driving the marriage into the ground.
You have made a good effort to repair the marriage. Communication is one of the most important components in a marriage. If one partner is refusing to communicate, there is no basis for the relationship. Attempting to fix this by attending counseling is a very good option. But if your husband refuses to cooperate, then counseling cannot work. It takes someone who is willing to change for counseling to be effective. And so far, your husband is not willing to change.
Where you go from here depends on what more you feel you want to put into the marriage. If you want to keep trying, you can learn more about communication issues and give it another try with your husband. Here are some resources to help you:
If you both attend church, you may also benefit from talking with your pastor. Faith can help to heal a marriage where there once was no hope.
But if you feel that trying more with your husband will not work, you may want to consider a trial separation. By doing this, you can show your husband that you are serious about dealing with this issue. Separating also helps you both have time apart to decide how you want to proceed. Here is a link describing the benefits and issues with a trial separation:
Whatever you decide, you may want to consider counseling for yourself. You need support and someone to help you through, especially if you eventually need to divorce.
I hope this has helped you,Kate