Laurie, what I'd suggest is to rehearse to yourself that you merely need to try the eating- tiny-amounts-all-day idea is an EXPERIMENT I recommend you do for just two days. You will know whether you can continue with this longer term. What Should happen is that your impulse to throw up will decrease a good deal, by the end of the second day, if you can get through these two days with eating tiny amts and never throwing up. So what this involves is what psychologists call 'exposure' i.e., we want to expose the person to the thing they fear (in this case eating and then throwing up) in very small amounts or 'doses', at a level they can at least tolerate emotionally, and then repeat this over and over (i.e., break your daily food allotment up into tiny amounts and eat them almost continually, until you reach the allotment). This would be similar to an approach you'd take with any anxiety
-related activity or phobia. How would you get a young child who is afraid of the water to take a bath, when they want to avoid the bathtub? You get them playing in the bathtub with water toys, but no water; later that day, you fill the tub with a 1/8 inch of water and have the play with water toys in it. Enough water to splash around but not really get wet with. Then you add
more water in the next play session, and more the next, etc Their anxiety response begins to disappear after repeated exposures.
So first step would be to simply focus on a 2-day meal plan; you are plenty wise, experience/smart to do this but if it helps, talk to a dietitian about how to break this up, pre-package your food allotments, etc. Remind yourself that you will only 'have to' try this for two days and see how it goes. WHEN YOU ARE SUCCESSFUL at the end of 1/2 day or the first day, decide now what you will do to 'pat yourself on the back' or reward yourself for making it through the day. Go to a favorite movie, visit the library or bookstore, ask a friend out for coffee or a drink; do something nice for yourself!!!
Then, do the 2nd day. If you jot notes to yourself during these two days about how you are feeling emotionally, you'll find that at the end of the 2nd day, much of the urge to throw up or feelings of nausea will have dissipated greatly. This should then provide you with the clue that you can perhaps do a 3rd or 4th day.
Let me know how this goes for you and write back if you want to chat some more. Click on the green Accept button at the bottom of the screen. Thanks.