How JustAnswer Works:

  • Ask an Expert
    Experts are full of valuable knowledge and are ready to help with any question. Credentials confirmed by a Fortune 500 verification firm.
  • Get a Professional Answer
    Via email, text message, or notification as you wait on our site.
    Ask follow up questions if you need to.
  • 100% Satisfaction Guarantee
    Rate the answer you receive.

Ask Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC Your Own ...

Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC
Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC, Therapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 5576
Experience:  Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues.
54658078
Type Your Mental Health Question Here...
Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC is online now
A new question is answered every 9 seconds

They locked all our threads (thankfully). Dont know if you

Resolved Question:

They locked all our threads (thankfully). Don't know if you saw my last response, but it was nothing important.
Submitted: 2 years ago.
Category: Mental Health
Expert:  Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC replied 2 years ago.
Yes, I saw that they had locked the threads, which is good. I did see your last response on my email, but once they lock the threads I can't respond.
Customer: replied 2 years ago.

No problem. I don't know that there was anything to which to respond.

 

I am just wasting time and procrastinating when I really have a lot of work to get done ... I am just so tired!

Expert:  Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC replied 2 years ago.

That is very understandable considering the stress you have been under lately. You said you were feeling pretty anxious earlier last week about the sleeping test and you were dealing with some pretty big issues last week. You probably just need some down time.

Customer: replied 2 years ago.
Yeah. You are probably right. But I don't feel like any of those issues from last week are really resolved. However, honestly,unlike this morning, I am now feeling like I am wanting to go see Linda because I feel like crying again and I can't do it at work and it is kind of building (I have no clue whatsoever why I would feel like crying today, except that I am really tired) and I don't feel like being alone when it comes. I might need to tell her off the bat that I don't feel like chit-chatting for the first 15 minutes like we usually do and I want to talk about the sleep test later.
Expert:  Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC replied 2 years ago.

I agree, talking about how you are feeling right away instead of chatting first will help you have time to work this through.

 

Last weeks issues may stay with you for a while, but that is to be expected. These issues are not simple nor are they easy to deal with. It takes time to work through them. And you don't want to speed through then find out later that you have feelings come up that are unresolved.

 

You probably feel like crying because of the stress you have been through, how vulnerable you may have felt with the testing, and because you are tired. Being tired causes your defenses to come down and makes it harder for you to control your emotions. So if you are sad, upset or angry, you will have a difficult time holding these feelings back, as opposed to when you are rested and you can regulate your emotions better. But this can be good in a way because you will have an easier time accessing your feelings and expressing them. And crying is a good release of the stress you have been under since last week.

 

Kate

Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC, Therapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 5576
Experience: Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues.
Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC and 2 other Mental Health Specialists are ready to help you
Customer: replied 2 years ago.
I'm sure it's because I'm tired. I'm not sure why I am so tired. I never sleep well, so I'm used to working on little sleep. I think you're right about the stress, and also the fact that I was so worried this weekend about the sleep study and now that it's over and it went just fine and I am relieved, it's catching up to me. I just can't believe how exhausted I feel. And I can't believe that I actually am wanting just to go to Linda's office and cry for an hour. I feel like I need it. And I feel like I need her there, not only because I don't want to be alone, and she's the only option, but I want her to validate my tears. I know that sounds dumb, and it's not her job to validate anything, and she probably really can't validate anything to me, but that's just what I'm thinking.
Expert:  Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC replied 2 years ago.

I agree. Now that the sleep study is over, you are "letting down" all the stress and you are able to relax. This lets your feelings come out easier. Add that to being tired and you have a situation where you want comfort and a place to let your feelings out. And right now, Linda represents comfort to you. She is safe, cares about you and can help you understand how you feel. It's a good sign that you rely on her and that you feel safe with her.

 

 

Customer: replied 2 years ago.
You're right. And she's the only person right now with whom I can totally be myself and also the only person with whom I can safely feel. And I know no matter what that she won't purposely hurt me.
Expert:  Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC replied 2 years ago.
I agree. It will be very helpful for you to see her tonight.
Customer: replied 2 years ago.

I just was starting a new thread, but after I wrote a bunch, I lost it all. But it is late, so I will have to catch up with you tomorrow. I just wanted to tell you 2 things about my appointment with Linda this evening. (1) there was no crying. I really felt I needed to, but the way the session started and proceeded, I didn't even bring up how I was feeling until the end, and we had already gone way over. We haven't set up our next appointment, She's supposed to call me. I told her I wanted to meet again this week, because I felt like I need to get some stuff out. But I don't want to have to plan an emotional "release" a week in advance or even plan it at all. It was okay before, maybe, but not okay right now; (2) she asked me if I had written down what I was thinking/feeling last week, and I gave it to her. She read it a few times and asked me some questions, then we got off track talking about our family dynamics for a long time. But towards the end, she brought it back around to that and said that it seems so important to me - such an important thing - for me to have had responsibility and, thus, control, and she really didn't want to destroy that and didn't want to take that away. She said she felt that doing so would be mean, and she didn't want to be like my "mean sister." Certainly will stop a lot of back and forth between L. and me, which is good. But my concern is that you said I have to work through that to be healthy and for it not to come back and bite me. Is this a good thing or a bad thing? I don't know if she was saying she didn't want to - but was going to do it or if she's planning to drop it now. (3) we talked a lot about family dynamics. We have talked about my parents before and their lack of emotion, etc. and have also discussed my siblings. I don't know why, but she always thinks I am the youngest child, instead fo the middle, When she describes a typical middle child, I keep telling her that was me growing up, but I think she sees me differently than I am, She asked me a ton of questions and apparently just today started to figure things out, I guess, because she kept telling me that she has a much better picture and it explains a lot. I don't know how she had a different idea of things before or what that idea was, or what this explains? I have some more to say about this and will do it tomorrow.

 

Well, after sleeping only about 4 hours last night, I am so tired, but I can''t fall asleep. very frustrating. I still don't understand how I cannot fall to sleep within 2 1/2 hours of taking an ambien and 3 amitriptylene. ??? I'm going to ask Dr. M. if I can just take the Seroquel every night. I know it's an antipsychotic, and I'm not thrilled about taking it - for that reason alone - but I'm only taking 25-50 mg/night and I don't seem to have any side effects.

 

Well, goodnight. If you are on EST, I sure hope you have been asleep for a good while now! Hope you slept well.

Expert:  Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC replied 2 years ago.

It sounds like you had a productive session with Linda, even though it did not go as you thought it would. Planning an emotional release is probably not going to get you as in touch with your feelings as just letting it happen would. But don't get that confused with the feeling that you need to cry. Sometimes it is just there and won't go away. It can be from getting in touch with your feelings or an issue that you need to address. Either way, if you still feel like crying next time you see her, then mention it but don't push it. The tears will come if they need to.

 

I need to defer to your therapist on the issue of your responsibility in the attack. Linda seems to know it's an issue but might be saying at this point, your belief that you are responsible is so strong that trying to get you to see it otherwise is not a good idea, right now. Or she could feel that it is no longer the issue it was, for whatever reason she has. The last thing I want to do is to confuse you with my input vs Linda's input. She is your therapist and therefore her treatment is primary. I did say that I felt it is important to work through your feeling of responsibility, as did Linda at one point. It is an issue but if Linda feels it needs to be on the back burner, then I need to agree.

 

It sounds like Linda is seeing something in you that makes her feel you have more youngest child traits than middle child traits. I agree, exploring this more with her is needed. It might help to first look into middle and youngest child traits so you can better understand what she might be seeing. Then ask her more about it the next time you see her.

 

Maybe you are having some trouble falling asleep because you are overtired. There has been a lot going on lately for you and it could be that your thoughts won't shut down enough for you to relax. Have you tried relaxation techniques before bed? It might help get you calm enough to sleep. And check with Dr. M about the medication. She might have something else that works or advise taking the Seroquel.

 

Kate

 

PS Thanks- I did sleep pretty well. By 2 pm, when your post came through to me, I was passed out!

Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC, Therapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 5576
Experience: Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues.
Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC and 2 other Mental Health Specialists are ready to help you
Customer: replied 2 years ago.
Yeah. It was productive, I think. And I cried a little last night before I went to sleep, which felt a little relieving, and helped me fall asleep. I fought it for a while, then thought that I don't need L. here to tell me it's okay or that I have permission to cry.

I wasn't upset that she keeps thinking I'm a youngest child. And I will ask her more why she thought this. Part of it is that she sees a much different part of me than I show to anyone else, and I think because we have been dealing with this one thing, what she sees is limited. One time, a few month after I started seeing her, she said something about my being shy and that I was probably a good eager-to-please child who followed all the rules at school and at home. I laughed. That could not be farther from how thing really were. I may be more like that now, but not at all growing up. But I guess I understand why she though this. She sees me as quiet, because I am pretty quiet with her, but of course I am because most if the stuff we talk about is difficult for me. And she only knows what I tell her about how I am otherwise or how I used to be. And she only knows what I tell her. I don't know why I expect her to instinctively know who and how I am. And let's face it, I am a lot different now than I was growing up, and as much as I couldn't see it before, some of it has to do with what happened, including probably my not wanting to be close to or trust people. It just hits me strangely when L acts so surprised or says this explains things, when I thought we had gone over it all before, especially since I feel like she knows more about me than anyone right now.

I don't know about the whole responsibility thing. I'm not even sure if she was saying that yes - she's going to drop it or if she was just saying she didn't want to take that away from me. Not wanting to and not doing something are 2 different things. As I said, that makes things easier on me, but I don't wnt to be revisiting this issue in a few years. I don't want the world to be random, and I guess I want to maintain a feeling of control. But the guilt is hard to deal with, too. I trust she will do what is best. However, I get the sense that it is very difficult for her to push something with me if it upsets me. When I first told her the whole thing about what happened, I had written it out and gave itto her to read. Then she had me list the parts that were really upsetting to me, kind of putting them into 3 categories, ranging in how upsetting I found them, and we talked about each one and she had me go into them further. When I had trouble saying certain things or things were upsetting to me, she felt bad pressing them. I told her that I trusted she knew what she was doing and knew what was best, XXXXX XXXXX she thought I needed to do certain things and it was in my best interest, she could push me on it. She said ok and then told me to tell her if I really really didn't want to do something. But we had a whole conversation about how she didn't want to push me on things because it was hard for her to see me struggle. I just want to make sure it's her best judgment on everything and not her not wanting me to get upset. So I will just ask her next time. I'm torn about what I think. But I trust her. Another thing is that this is something she has expressed frustration about in the past and has sought advice of others. I don't want to feel like she is giving up because of my issues.

Oh well. I think I over analyze everything. I take what people say and read things into it that might now even be there. So ....
Customer: replied 2 years ago.
Do you think that she thinks I should be much further along with all this by now? Do you think that? I feel like I am becoming (or, I guess, have become) fixated on this one thing in my life. These few hours out of several hundred thousand hours that have made my life thus far seem to be getting a whole lot of my intention.
Expert:  Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC replied 2 years ago.

Therapy is much like peeling layers. It takes time and work to get to the root of who you are and what you feel. Linda may be surprised at things you tell her because she might be making an assumption about you based on what she already knows. Then you bring up another part of you (layer) and she readjusts her perception. You may also be very practiced at hiding your feelings and your true self since you were taught as a child to do so. In your case, it may be a surprise to reveal something new because you appear on the outside much different than you are on the inside.

 

There is nothing wrong with where you are now in therapy. When it comes to trauma, each person heals at a different rate. You have to factor in past experiences, personality and current support system. All of these influences are different for everyone. So there is no set time for anyone to be in therapy, contrary to what the insurance companies believe!

 

It is normal for one trauma to define your treatment. I'm not sure you are aware of the level of trauma you went through when you were attacked. You are on the same level as a war survivor, childhood abuse survivor and someone who made it through 9/11. All of you have been faced with a life and death situation and had to react to save yourselves. Because of that, it has greatly impacted your life and changed it in a fundamental way. How you cope with that and how long it takes you to find a new normal is completely up to you. And you will know when that time comes for you. I know you are anxious to work through this and put it behind you. It's hard to face the trauma day in and day out. You are reliving the pain all the time. But this will pass. You are on a journey and it may take a while, but each step you take brings you closer to the end.

 

Kate

Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC, Therapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 5576
Experience: Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues.
Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC and 2 other Mental Health Specialists are ready to help you
Customer: replied 2 years ago.
When you say the time it takes is completely up to me, does that mean I'm not working hard enough? If you or linda or dr m tell me what to do, I will do it. I am so tired. I will do anything to be done with this and finally be normal. I want this part of me gone once and for all
Customer: replied 2 years ago.
You or linda or dr m saying "attacked" or "attackers" or the r word makes me want to wriggle out of my skin. It makes my face all hot.
Expert:  Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC replied 2 years ago.

You are working plenty hard enough. It is not about how hard you work, it's about pushing ahead and making progress. Some days you make a lot of progress and others not so much. But what is important here is why you feel the need to push yourself to be normal. You are normal. You are just a normal person coping with a very bad situation.

 

When you think of the people that did this to you, what do you call them?

 

Kate

Customer: replied 2 years ago.
Because I feel like I have had this thing I have to hide and take all sorts of precautions so people don't know what happened and what I did. I realized recently that I have been spending a lot of time working around things to avoid thinking about all this or getting near it. I am tired. I don't feel normal. I feel like I have this black mark on me that I want to get off of me. I feel like I'm defective or broken. I feel like I can have a hundred people around, but still feel so lonely and wrong.

I call them "them" or "those guys" or the "mean one" and the "other one". I don't like the other words because they make me feel bad and flushed and anxious.
Customer: replied 2 years ago.
An what does the "level of trauma" even mean? I don't understand why it seems like such a big deal in my mind. It was just sex, and it wasn't my first time, so why did it even matter? I hadn't done a lot of the other stuff, but a lot of people probably do that stuff every day. And yeah, I got beat up, but I healed. Without medical attention. I don't see how it could possibly be compared to war, which is an ongoing life threat, or child abuse, which is also ongoing, plus it is perpetrated by someone who was supposed to take care of the child, and children don't understand and they don't have the capacity to do anything or the physical size or ability to protect themselves. And I don't think it's anything like 9-11. I mean, nobody died here.

And all sorta of people have gotten through those things and so the fact that I am having so much trouble makes me feel like I have weak character.
Expert:  Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC replied 2 years ago.

You have two different contradictions going on here. On one hand, you feel the attack was bad enough to hide it from others. You call the attackers "guys" or separate them into "the mean one" and "the other one". This is a way to distance them and the attack from you.

 

On the other hand, you feel the attack was no big deal and that your trauma was not comparable with other traumas. You feel you should be over this and what happened to you was an every day thing that people do anyway.

 

Wanting to get away from the pain is normal. Seeing what happened to you as an attack and calling the guys who attacked you perpetrators brings what they did to you too close, so you distance yourself by giving them neutral names. This is not wrong, it's just your way of coping. As long as you know why so you can work through it.

 

Minimizing the attack is also normal. It takes away the pain and makes it feel like something ordinary. But it was not. Your type of trauma is different than other types of trauma but the end result is the same. You feared for your life, you suffer from PTSD and the effects of what happened caused you trauma. Even if another woman was attacked by these guys, her experience would be different than yours but she would still suffer from the same level of trauma. You are not weak. You are seeking help for what you are going through and that is a sign of strength. I wonder how much of your parents issues with emotions has affected you to the point you see having emotional trauma as a sign of weakness?

 

People may do similar things in their sex lives, but they do it voluntarily. If they do not, it is considered rape and/or assault. What you went through was not voluntary. If it was, you would not be feeling the way you do now.

 

Kate

JustAnswer in the News:

 
 
 
Ask-a-doc Web sites: If you've got a quick question, you can try to get an answer from sites that say they have various specialists on hand to give quick answers... Justanswer.com.
JustAnswer.com...has seen a spike since October in legal questions from readers about layoffs, unemployment and severance.
Web sites like justanswer.com/legal
...leave nothing to chance.
Traffic on JustAnswer rose 14 percent...and had nearly 400,000 page views in 30 days...inquiries related to stress, high blood pressure, drinking and heart pain jumped 33 percent.
Tory Johnson, GMA Workplace Contributor, discusses work-from-home jobs, such as JustAnswer in which verified Experts answer people’s questions.
I will tell you that...the things you have to go through to be an Expert are quite rigorous.
 
 
 

What Customers are Saying:

 
 
 
  • I can go as far as to say it could have resulted in saving my sons life and our entire family now knows what bipolar is and how to assist and understand my most wonderful son, brother and friend to all who loves him dearly. Thank you very much Corrie Moll Pretoria, South Africa
< Last | Next >
  • I can go as far as to say it could have resulted in saving my sons life and our entire family now knows what bipolar is and how to assist and understand my most wonderful son, brother and friend to all who loves him dearly. Thank you very much Corrie Moll Pretoria, South Africa
  • I thank-you so much! It really helped to have this information and confirmation. We will watch her carefully and get her in for the examination and US right away if things do not improve. God bless you as well! Claudia Albuquerque, NM
  • Outstanding response time less than 6 minutes. Answered the question professionally and with a great deal of compassion. Kevin Beaverton, OR
  • Suggested diagnosis was what I hoped and will take this info to my doctor's appointment next week.
    I feel better already! Thank you.
    Elanor Tracy, CA
  • Thank you to the Physician who answered my question today. The answer was far more informative than what I got from the Physicians I saw in person for my problem. Julie Lockesburg, AR
  • You have been more help than you know. I seriously don't know what my sisters situation would be today if you had not gone above and beyond just answering my questions. John and Stefanie Tucson, AZ
  • I have been dealing with an extremely serious health crisis for over three years, and one your physicians asked me more questions, gave me more answers and encouragement than a dozen different doctors who have been treating me!! Janet V Phoenix, AZ
 
 
 

Meet The Experts:

 
 
 
  • Dr. Keane

    Therapist

    Satisfied Customers:

    1262
    Clinical Psychology PhD, Licensed Professional Counselor with experience in marriage/family, teens and child psychology.
< Last | Next >
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/DR/Dr.Keane/2013-8-20_204325_drkeane.64x64.jpg Dr. Keane's Avatar

    Dr. Keane

    Therapist

    Satisfied Customers:

    1262
    Clinical Psychology PhD, Licensed Professional Counselor with experience in marriage/family, teens and child psychology.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/RE/resolutions66/2011-1-17_05728_IMG8202smilingeditedforJustAnswer.64x64.jpg Elliott, LPCC, NCC's Avatar

    Elliott, LPCC, NCC

    Psychotherapist

    Satisfied Customers:

    5024
    35 years of experience as a Licensed Professional Clinical Counselor, National Certified Counselor and a college professor.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/formybunch/2010-12-06_191055_img_0975.jpg Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC's Avatar

    Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC

    Therapist

    Satisfied Customers:

    3733
    Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/DR/DrAkiraOlsen/2012-2-20_746_AkiraADpicmain.64x64.jpg Dr. Olsen's Avatar

    Dr. Olsen

    Psychologist

    Satisfied Customers:

    2336
    PsyD Psychologist
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/norriem/2009-5-27_134249_nm.jpg Norman M.'s Avatar

    Norman M.

    Psychotherapist

    Satisfied Customers:

    2193
    UK trained in hypnotherapy, counselling and psychotherapy and have been in private practice. ADHP(NC), DEHP(NC), UKCP Registered and ECP.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/PsychologyProf/2010-07-15_171248_logos060400409.jpg Dr. Michael's Avatar

    Dr. Michael

    Psychologist

    Satisfied Customers:

    2177
    Licensed Ph.D. Clinical Health Psychology with 30 years of experience in private practive and as a clinical psychology university professor.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/KURTEMMERLING/2010-07-23_215531_just_ask_picture1.jpg Steven Olsen's Avatar

    Steven Olsen

    Therapist

    Satisfied Customers:

    1727
    More than twenty years of expertise in counseling, psychological diagnosis and education
 
 
 
Chat Now With A Mental Health Professional
Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC
Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC
3899 Satisfied Customers
Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues.