I just was starting a new thread, but after I wrote a bunch, I lost it all. But it is late, so I will have to catch up with you tomorrow. I just wanted to tell you 2 things about my appointment with Linda this evening. (1) there was no crying. I really felt I needed to, but the way the session started and proceeded, I didn't even bring up how I was feeling until the end, and we had already gone way over. We haven't set up our next appointment, She's supposed to call me. I told her I wanted to meet again this week, because I felt like I need to get some stuff out. But I don't want to have to plan an emotional "release" a week in advance or even plan it at all. It was okay before, maybe, but not okay right now; (2) she asked me if I had written down what I was thinking/feeling last week, and I gave it to her. She read it a few times and asked me some questions, then we got off track talking about our family dynamics for a long time. But towards the end, she brought it back around to that and said that it seems so important to me - such an important thing - for me to have had responsibility and, thus, control, and she really didn't want to destroy that and didn't want to take that away. She said she felt that doing so would be mean, and she didn't want to be like my "mean sister." Certainly will stop a lot of back and forth between L. and me, which is good. But my concern is that you said I have to work through that to be healthy and for it not to come back and bite me. Is this a good thing or a bad thing? I don't know if she was saying she didn't want to - but was going to do it or if she's planning to drop it now. (3) we talked a lot about family dynamics. We have talked about my parents before and their lack of emotion, etc. and have also discussed my siblings. I don't know why, but she always thinks I am the youngest child, instead fo the middle, When she describes a typical middle child, I keep telling her that was me growing up, but I think she sees me differently than I am, She asked me a ton of questions and apparently just today started to figure things out, I guess, because she kept telling me that she has a much better picture and it explains a lot. I don't know how she had a different idea of things before or what that idea was, or what this explains? I have some more to say about this and will do it tomorrow.
Well, after sleeping only about 4 hours last night, I am so tired, but I can''t fall asleep. very frustrating. I still don't understand how I cannot fall to sleep within 2 1/2 hours of taking an ambien and 3 amitriptylene. ??? I'm going to ask Dr. M. if I can just take the Seroquel every night. I know it's an antipsychotic, and I'm not thrilled about taking it - for that reason alone - but I'm only taking 25-50 mg/night and I don't seem to have any side effects.
Well, goodnight. If you are on EST, I sure hope you have been asleep for a good while now! Hope you slept well.