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Suzanne
Suzanne, Mental Health Professional
Category: Mental Health
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Experience:  LCSW, RN. Mental Health, Relationship & Parenting issues.EMDR, Hypnosis.
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I have someone I know who seems to be behaving unreasonably,

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I have someone I know who seems to be behaving unreasonably, has cut off all contact with family for unknown reasons to us all, has difficulty coping financially and is continually getting into debt, when confronted is defensive, unwilling to talk about it and will often deflect questions back onto us to make us seem unreasonable, is manipulative, emotionally blackmailing at times and appears to not really understand what is trying to be said but replies with out of context and over exaggerated comments, sometimes being over dramatic as if he were actually in a film and sometimes refuses to even look people in the eye, there is sporadic abuse over texts, compulsive lying even though it is clear to us all that they are lies and we have told him we know he is lying, he continues, he can be emotionally abusive and swing from very friendly to emotionally stunted very quickly. I think all the behaviour is pointing to a mental disorder of some sort, it has been going on for years, he has real problems communicating on an adult level, can't really hold a reasonable argument or even reply to comments without coming out with something irrelevant. He hides things very well in the workplace it seems, puts on a very good act of being a well adjusted adult and is good at his job but the private side of his life seems to spiral out of control, with a lot of alcohol, very little friends or confidants etc. There seems to be a real inability to cope with responsibility and his actions. He is a good father in the fact that he loves his son very much and is very good around him, but with adults he is totally different. This has been commented on before in the past, that in social situations he would often hang out with the children at a party to avoid adult conversation.There is so much more but this is just an outline of some of his behaviour. My problem is that I am the mother of our child and his ex so I have a care to our son that is my priority. Our son is 2 and unable to communicate with me about how he is over the phone, so for a temporary period I have limited contact to home visits until I know a bit more about what is going on. This was backed (and also instigated) by his parents, who seem to think he is not in his right mind. I don't think he is a danger to our child but I can't trust him to communicate with me and that is very worrying when our child is so young. I feel bad for cutting contact time as he usually stays over every other weekend form friday to sunday afternoon but the fact that his own parents were the ones who expressed their concern for our son, sent alarm bells going.
Submitted: 4 years ago.
Category: Mental Health
Expert:  Camille-Mod replied 4 years ago.

Hi, I’m a moderator for this topic and I wonder whether you’re still waiting for an answer. If you are, please let me know and I will do my best to find an Expert to assist you right away. If not, feel free to let me know and I will cancel this question for you. Thank you!

Customer: replied 4 years ago.
I am till waiting for an answer. If they need more info, I am happy to assist...
Expert:  Camille-Mod replied 4 years ago.

Thank you. Sometimes, finding the right Expert can take a little longer than expected and we thank you greatly for your understanding. We’ll be in touch again shortly:-)

Expert:  Suzanne replied 4 years ago.

Thanks for bringing your question to JustAnswer.

 

I think you are right to limit his access to his son at this time. It sounds, from your description as if his alcoholism may have increased significantly. He may be a "functioning" alcoholic who can still hold a job, but it's affecting all the other areas of his life.

 

Until his behavior improves, continue to limit contact with your son. In the meantime, I'd recommend that you look into finding an al-anon family group meeting--for those affected by someone else's drinking. You will find support dealing with his attempts at manipulation, and help learning how to set firm boundaries about acceptable behavior with him. Even though you're not living with him, you'll be forced to interact with him concerning your son. Alcoholism brings chaos into the lives of the family and friends of the drinker. Al-anon will teach you how to detach with love, and keep safe boundaries for you and your son until he eventually hits bottom and decides to get sober. Here's a link to al-anon in the UK: www.al-anonuk.org.uk

Suzanne, Mental Health Professional
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 919
Experience: LCSW, RN. Mental Health, Relationship & Parenting issues.EMDR, Hypnosis.
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