Oh yeah - maybe she was just trying to calm me down. Because I wasn't calm at all. And I told her I needed to get it together because I have telephone conferences this afternoon, and that I can't be crying at work. Also, i told her I wanted her to make it better, which wasn't fair. So THAT makes sense. Thanks.
Also, I kind of sprung it on her, calling her almost crying, then crying, and she didn't have time to process what I was saying and I told her I was panicking. So now I don't feel so bad.
I understand and appreciate what you are saying about feeling the feelings. I think you were right before, though, that I don't have a frame of reference. I don't know if it is okay. And, honestly, I worry I am abnormal or going crazy. In my experience, being overly emotional is bad, and I am afraid I will cross that line, or that I am already there -- considering I'm upset about something that happened that long ago. I want to behave correctly, and I don't know what that is, and I'm looking for someone to tell me. I want to know that I'm okay and what I am doing/feeling is okay.
Thank you for explaining how my views are harming me. I guess it makes sense. But I have to think about it to totally figure it out. Honestly, just the thought of letting the control (or illusion of control, I guess, from what you are saying) go is really scary.