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Can you explain why you consider touching yourself to be worse than cutting?
Because I am intentionally hurting myself while touching myself. Its basically me repetatively re-sexually abusing myself. That means that then I am dissociated and terrified for at least the next 24 hours. Cutting does not have that effect.
Thank you for the clarification. Are you receiving treatment specifically for your history of being abused? If the day treatment is not addressing this topic, it would be good to see someone who specializes in treatment of survivors of abuse. Abuse changes the way we feel about ourselves in a way that virtually nothing else does, and addressing that specific part of your history is a good way to work toward learning to feel good about yourself again. I'm not suggesting stopping day treatment--I'm suggesting adding treatment for the sexual trauma.
There is also an excellent workbook for people who cut and act out against themselves:
And this one specifically addresses dissociation: http://www.amazon.com/Coping-Trauma-Related-Dissociation-Training-Therapists/dp/039370646X/ref=cm_cr_pr_product_top?ie=UTF8&coliid=I2KARKDWPH6WW2&colid=36JBEFEIXY7I2