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JaRee1993
JaRee1993, Mental Health Professional
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 180
Experience:  Licensed to diagnosis and treat mental and emotional health issues of adults, adolescents and children and pastoral counseling.
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How do you deal with a covert - aggressive husband ? Or passive

Resolved Question:

How do you deal with a covert - aggressive husband ? Or passive aggressive
I've just about reached the end of my rope with one who manipulates me
constantly .
Submitted: 4 years ago.
Category: Mental Health
Expert:  JaRee1993 replied 4 years ago.

JaRee1993 :

Hi, thank you for contacting Just Answer. My name is XXXXX XXXXX I am a mental health counselor. When you were going to therapy was it helpful to you as well? Did you do only couples counseling , or were you able to do some individual sessions to assist you with being assertive plus being able to work through your feelings? If you could give me a little more information it would enable me to assist you better with this situation. How is your marriage when he is not manipulating you, are you still in love with him? Could you give me a little more insight so that I can give you the best recommendation. I will be waiting for your reply. Thank you, Ja`Ree


 

Customer:

Sorry I had to reestablish contact with Just Answer before I could join this Chat . We went to therapy for almost 7 years off and on

Customer:

mainly trying to deal with one issue - the sale or the lack of sale of the house . I knew after four years of living here that I could not

Customer:

handle the property or wanted to handle the property and felt very isolate here . Ever since then he has manipulated and or ignored

Customer:

my desire to move somewhere else . He would listen to the therapist and then do what he wanted ( as usual ) He isn't a very honest

Customer:

person - I have to say, overall . He manipulates me , his mother , his sister and clients . Not in a mean or nasty way - just enough

Customer:

to get what he wants . I've been less than thrilled to hear the advice he gives my youngest son on how to handle business

Customer:

relationships . Not up front at all . My son almost lost his job, because he was not upfront with one of his employers and was trying

Customer:

because Ron was advising him to 'manipulate this ' and manipulate that ' . We've been hit hard by the recession during the past

Customer:

5 years and the house has lost enormous value because he WOULD not sell it . I'm so sick and tired of it . I just don't feel

Customer:

much of anything for him, to be honest , because I do not TRUST him.

Customer:

I should add, we have now lived here over 25 years . He does next to nothing around the place - right now he is surfing in

Customer:

Baja with my two boys . Not in a safe place either . There are other issues that are infuriating me , but I guess this is enough for now

Customer:

Thank you for your patience .

JaRee1993 :

I am truly sorry to hear that you are going through so much right now. As we are growing older we planned on relaxing and enjoying the fruits of our labor and it is so difficult when that doesn't happen. I can hear the frustration and a sense of hopelessness as we chat and I hope I can help you find a way out of that. Have you considered finding someone you can talk with on an individual basis to allow you to work through your feelings and assist you with developing the skills you need to not feel so hopeless and frustrated and to begin to practice some real self care? Often times when we are going through the things you are going through it is hard for us to know what to do, let alone how to do it. Would you consider that if you could find the right person. I will wait for your reply. Thank you, JaRee

Customer:

Ja Ree - Yes I wish I could find the right person . I live in Encinitas, CA . I need someone who is familiar with someone who manipulates

Customer:

on a regular basis and who is passive aggressive . We went to counseling for years . It helped but unfortunately, the marriage counselor

Customer:

passed away from cancer . Lately , my husband said he didn't want to go to counseling any more . I think he does feel like he has

Customer:

made many mistakes and has lost opportunities . So, yes, we do need a good marriage counselor . I just don't know if he

Customer:

would go at this point, or not .

Customer:

I think I may have to move out to get his attention , probably something I should have done a long time ago . I don't know

Customer:

I'm praying a lot about it .

JaRee1993 :

I understand the praying, sometimes all we can do is ask for God to guide us and be willing to follow where he leads. Maybe if you began to meet with a counselor to assist you in dealing with your feelings and sorting through all that is going on your husband might join you later. In the mean time you will be moving forward to trying to find the right answer for you. I do not know if you would want a Christian counselor or if you would be okay with a counselor from an agency. I would recommend that you call your local mental health board, you can get their number from your local Chamber of Commerce and ask them to refer you to an agency who has individual and marriage counselors and check into a couple of them to see if you would be comfortable going by yourself first. If you are looking for a Christian counselor call some of your local churches and see if they might be able to recommend a good counselor for you. You will be in my thoughts and prayers and I truly mean that, it is not just something I am saying to you. I will pray that God leads you to the right person who can assist you with making the right decision for you.


Please let me know if I can assist you further in this. If this answer has helped you then please press the Accept button at the bottom of the page so that I can be paid by Just Answer. Also, please fill out the feedback form so that I can know how to better serve our customers. Again, thank you for contacting Just Answer. Ja`Ree


 

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