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Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC
Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC, Therapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 5515
Experience:  Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues.
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i am a single mother, when i got pregnant me and my partner

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i am a single mother, when i got pregnant me and my partner parted ways. there's no single day that i won't cry that time. we got back together after a few months, then split up, got back again then he had third party and we broke up. after the third party issue we got back together that's more than a year now and we finally decided to get married. 

 
 my problem is that everytime someone opens up a topic with regards XXXXX XXXXX parties or somebody teases me (coz were in a long distance relationship right now) about how men are easily attracted to other girls, my tears will start falling. does that mean that i have trauma of what had happened to me before?



 i do trust him (it took him years to finally make me trust him again, though i never told him)

Submitted: 2 years ago.
Category: Mental Health
Expert:  Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC replied 2 years ago.

Hi, I'd like to help you with your question.

 

You feel the way you do because you are still dealing with the trauma of what you went through with your partner. When someone is unfaithful, it creates a wound that needs to be healed through the rebuilding of trust and attention to the relationship. You need to feel special and important in the relationship. You regained your trust but it sounds like you still feel hurt by what happened. Be sure you have worked through these steps:

 

One, is your partner sorry for what he did? This is important, because if he does not take responsibility, you will always feel there is an open wound there between you.

Two, has your partner stopped all contact with this other person? He must do so as a first step to help you heal.

Did the two of you talk about what happened? Your partner needs to be open and honest about what he did and let you ask any questions you need to so you no longer feel on the outside of your own relationship.

 

If you have done all of these things to repair your relationship, then it may be that you need to do some healing on your own. Keep in mind, it takes a while to overcome an affair. You may feel that your relationship is in good shape, but you may still be feeling very hurt. Affairs can damage your self esteem badly and that can last a long time unless you can work it through.

 

If you feel you want help in dealing with this issue, talk with your doctor about a referral to a therapist. If you attend church, talk with your pastor. Pastors are often very good counselors. Also, if you have problems affording therapy, try your local community mental health center. They can offer therapy on a sliding scale fee system.

There are some resources that may help you:

 

Infidelity: A Survival Guide by Don-David Lusterman

 

http://www.beyondaffairs.com/articles/moving_beyond_pain_extramarital_affair.htm

 

You can find the book on Amazon.com or your local library may have it for you.

I hope this has helped you,
Kate

Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC, Therapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 5515
Experience: Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues.
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