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TherapistMarryAnn, Therapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 5763
Experience:  Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues.
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Kate, My appt. with my therapist went horribly wrong. She

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My appt. with my therapist went horribly wrong. She ended up telling me that I was acting like a teenager with my responses to her. I told her I wanted to go before it was over and she said that was fine if that's what I wanted. It really wasn`t what I wanted but I guess in some way, I wanted her to say `No don`t go. I know how silly this is.

I did tell her that I wasn`t sure what to talk about. She told me that she would listen to anything I had to say. The problem was I didn`t have the words. She told me that I play mind games in that I know what I want her to say however she doesn`t know what that is. If she doesn`t say the right thing that I was looking for, then I get mad and frustrated.

I was mad and frustrated. Plus extremely sarcastic which didn`t help matters much. She told me that I base how much somebody cares about me by whether or not they say the right thing or not. I think the problem was that she was saying things that were not far from the truth.

She said she would listen to anything I had to say. But it was toward the end anyway so I told her I was going. She asked if I was coming back on Friday. If I hadn`t called a friend to calm down after I left, I probably would have left her a message telling her that I wasn`t coming. Of course, instead of hurting her it would only hurt me.

But she certainly knew how upset I was when I left because I didn`t thank her or even say goodbye. I know how childish this behaviour was. But I am so sad and frustrated. I wasn`t getting what I needed. I just felt very very lost. I`m still lost and I don`t know how to find my way out.




It sounds like you and your therapist discovered some things about how you get your needs across to others. In your interaction with her, you found out that how you try to get your needs met doesn't work. You need others to affirm what you feel by what they say or do and if you feel it matches what you want to think of yourself. When it doesn't you may feel upset or angry.


This is a very common issue with people who never were able to get their needs met as a child because the parent or caregiver was dysfunctional. They had to find ways to get what they needed so they learned how to say certain things or do certain things to get the parent or caregiver to give them the attention they needed. But in adulthood, these ways that worked so well in childhood with the dysfunctional parent do not work well with other adults.


It may help you to think about the ways you get your needs met now as an adult. Try writing down feelings you have and then make a corresponding list of how you feel you try to get those needs met. It may help you to see where your communication gets mixed up and how you can be more direct in expressing yourself.


You may also want to try again with your therapist. You had good insight with her last time and saw that there might be some truth to what she said. Use this insight to push yourself further in therapy to find better ways to communicate your need.



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