My appt. with my therapist went horribly wrong. She ended up telling me that I was acting like a teenager with my responses to her. I told her I wanted to go before it was over and she said that was fine if that's what I wanted. It really wasn`t what I wanted but I guess in some way, I wanted her to say `No don`t go. I know how silly this is.
tell her that I wasn`t sure what to talk about. She told me that she would listen to anything I had to say. The problem was I didn`t have the words. She told me that I play mind games in that I know what I want her to say however she doesn`t know what that is. If she doesn`t say the right thing that I was looking for, then I get mad and frustrated.
I was mad and frustrated. Plus extremely sarcastic which didn`t help matters much. She told me that I base how much somebody cares about me by whether or not they say the right thing or not. I think the problem was that she was saying things that were not far from the truth.
She said she would listen to anything I had to say. But it was toward the end anyway so I told her I was going. She asked if I was coming back on Friday. If I hadn`t called a friend to calm down after I left, I probably would have left her a message telling her that I wasn`t coming. Of course, instead of hurting her it would only hurt me.
But she certainly knew how upset I was when I left because I didn`t thank her or even say goodbye. I know how childish this behaviour was. But I am so sad
and frustrated. I wasn`t getting what I needed. I just felt very very lost. I`m still lost and I don`t know how to find my way out.