Thank you for your question. Before providing a psychological perspective, I have a few questions. First, when did you realize your relationship with your son was not ideal? What is he upset about?
thanks for getting back to me. yes i have considered writing him a letter. he told me that he is not interested in speaking with me in any way, including written forms. with respect to praise, there really isn't much of an opportunity because he will generally leave the room when i enter. he really gives me the impression that he doesn't love me! and to be perfectly honest, i'm begining to think that perhaps he doesn't.
so, thanks for your information on attachment. i can understand that point. i'm not sure what your professional training is centered on, but when someone takes this drastic of a stance, could there be a psychological disorder perhaps? there has been a bit of mental illness in the family in the past and i'm a little concerned that he may need some attention.
also could you say a few more words about the psychology of a person that is willing to cut people off so readily. i believe he has done this with a few friends in the past. aside from the obvious instances of abuse and the such, are there times when cutting people out of your life is warranted and actually healthy? am i not just angering him more by continuing to greet him?
My professional training is in Clinical Psychology. You bring up a good point about potential mental illness. the way I see it is that if a person's functioning is being affected by their emotions (such as getting fired from their job because of a temper or not able to hold on to meaningful relationships although one wants one) then that is how I categorize a mental illness. It is not just the symptoms or behaviors, it is should include how one is functioning because of it.
In terms of you son's mental health, do you feel your son is happy at his current situation? If he continues to be angered by yoru continuing greeting, he is trying to communicate to you something that no one is understanding. If him being angry at you is affecting him not just your relationship but other relationships and functioning, then you may want to encourage him to attend family therapy with you if that is possible.
Please tell me more about your son...how is like? What does he do for fun? how would you describe his personality?
thanks for your help and information. i would say my son is a fairly well rounded person. i always thought that he was a bit stubborn but also willing to eventually compromise and work well with the group. i guess i forgot to mention that i have 5 boys. that's right- no girls!
i'm the kind of guy that plays the classical guitar. all my boys are not the complete opposite, but let's put it this way, their mother raised them with far less discipline than i thought to be correct. i couldn't fight her about everything all the time and like i said previously, i recognize that i really wasn't around as much as i should have.
he's number 4 out of 5 and is still single. i don't know if this is relevant, but all my boys are grown and none of them are still married and i have 0 grandchildren. sometimes i feel that i'm have had a negative role in that outcome. i feel that if i would have been a better father, they would have wanted to follow in my footsteps. over the years my relationship with my wife has also been tenuous. she is a lot like they are - passionate, impetuous, stubborn. perhaps our personalities have never been a very good match but i have always tried to start each day as if it were a fresh new beginning and have positive attitude.
i guess i have gotten a bit off topic. if you could comment a bit on these details, i will have some material to think about and can always continue in the future. thanks in advance for your help.