Hi, I'd like to help you with your question.
Before I can provide an answer, I need to clarify your question.
What have you been diagnosed with?
What was the reason that you were admitted in the Psych unit?
You mention seeing a neurologist and oncologist. Are you ill?
Kate, thank you.
It's complicated and one of the problems is I don't think I've ever gotten a "good" Dx which have included: Depression, BiPolar, Anxiety Disorder, OCD, ADDHD, Racing Thoughts, Suicidal, White Brain Matter Pathology, uncontrolable emotions, hallucinations
I was admitted to the lock-down unit because my suicidal thoughts, which I've been fighting all my life, included voices (again, I live w voices) that were at that time encouraging me to "jump, NOW" " just take that razor, you know where to slice" " turn the wheel, you won't feel a thing"
In January, in the psych unit I was prescribed Depakote (sp?) and started losing the ability to use my left side. I couldn't walk. I became more shaky. I kept saying it was the meds; kept taking the levels and was advised by six doctors to keep taking it. It got so I couldn't even turn myself over in bed. In August I fell and hit my head on the dresser; was a trauma patient and finally the hospitalist suggested I stop taking Depakote and guess what, started to get strength back....
So I gave up on doctors and meds. I stopped taking everything except flonase for seasonal post nasal drip and simvastin for high cholesterol. Still I can hardly get out of bed; but at least I CAN. I've lost stamina and muscle tone, cry uncontrollably, feel like my whole body has a migraine. I feel myself giving up and (?) slipping away from myself.
My kids and therefore grandkids have stopped talking to me because they feel I'm delusional and irrational. Before staying home w the kids, I was a daily news journalist. When the baby could drive himself to baseball I went back to school and became an RRT in the PICU. I used to be capable and clever. Now I'm ? runny scrambled eggs?!
I'm a strong person, a survivor. I hate pathetic ~~ and that's what I feel I've become. I am seriously at a loss and humbly thank you for you time and expertise.
Hello and thank you for sharing what you have been through. It has to feel overwhelming to still be coping with your symptoms and have few answers.
When you mentioned all of your diagnosis, it was quite a list! Although I cannot diagnose you without being able to see you face to face, your list of symptoms do sound like Major Depressive Disorder with psychotic features. Major Depressive disorder is marked by feeling depressed most of the time, suicidal ideation with or without a plan, lack of motivation, feeling tired, and feeling worthless. It can also include hallucinations. Does this sound like fits what you feel?
If you feel that therapy and medications have not helped you, it may be that you have not had the right therapist/ therapy or the right medications. It often takes a few tries with different therapists until you find one you feel can help you. Just as you do with your family doctor, being choosy about your therapist is a good idea. You want someone who you feel gives you the attention you need and that has the appropriate background and experience to help you find relief from your symptoms. Here is a guide on how to find a good therapist:
To find a therapist, try asking your doctor for a referral. You can also search on line at http://therapists.psychologytoday.com/rms/.
Once you have a working diagnosis, you can talk about medications. Medications are not necessary in your treatment unless the therapist, psychiatrist and you feel that your daily life is so affected by your symptoms that you cannot function with therapy alone. If you do need to take medications to function, then it may take some searching to find one that would work for you. You may need to start on the lowest dose possible until you see how you react to the medication.
You may also want to try self help. By learning more about your symptoms, you can learn to cope better. Here are some resources that might help you:
http://helpguide.org/mental/bipolar_disorder_symptoms_treatment.htm (just in case you feel this diagnosis fits you better).
You may also want to think about support groups, either on line or in person. They can help you find the support you need with others who understand how you feel. There are support groups listed at the end of each link I sent you.
Your family may want to get support and learn how to cope with your symptoms through an organization called NAMI. They offer education and answers so your family can feel better about helping you. Here is their address:
I hope this has helped you,Kate