How JustAnswer Works:

  • Ask an Expert
    Experts are full of valuable knowledge and are ready to help with any question. Credentials confirmed by a Fortune 500 verification firm.
  • Get a Professional Answer
    Via email, text message, or notification as you wait on our site.
    Ask follow up questions if you need to.
  • 100% Satisfaction Guarantee
    Rate the answer you receive.

Ask David H. Your Own Question

David H.
David H., BA, MA,
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 166
Experience:  Counselor; Behavioral Consultant
Type Your Mental Health Question Here...
David H. is online now
A new question is answered every 9 seconds

My 32 year old husband of 13years was caught in an affair about

Customer Question

My 32 year old husband of 13years was caught in an affair about 4 months ago. At first when he left things spiraled out of control. I filed for divorce almost immediately. My husband lived with friends and now is living with his 23 year old girlfiend at her parents place. He is currently is the process of getting his own place. We have been together for 20 years and have two children together. I have been in counseling since this affair came out. I have realized my role in this affair and have accepted my faults in our marriage. I worked hard to come to this point. My husband is just now starting to come around about wether or not he wants to move on with this divorce or work on his marriage. He was only expressing anger and no remorse or consideration of reconcilliation. He has now been communicating and says the he doesn't know for sure what he wants and that he needs time to think about all of this. Can this marriage be saved and how?
Submitted: 2 years ago.
Category: Mental Health
Expert:  David H. replied 2 years ago.

DuddyH :

Welcome, I'm a professional counselor and behavioral-consultant. I'd like to chat with you for a few moments to better understand your question and the situation you're describing here. Do you have a few minutes now?

Customer:

yes

Customer:

Are you there?

David H., BA, MA,
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 166
Experience: Counselor; Behavioral Consultant
David H. and other Mental Health Specialists are ready to help you
Expert:  Camille-Mod replied 2 years ago.

Hi, I am a Moderator with Just Answer, I have Emailed your Expert so that when he comes back on line he will see your response and will return to assist you. If I can help further, please let me know. Thank you for your continued patience:-)

Customer: replied 2 years ago.
Thank you
Expert:  Dr. L replied 2 years ago.

Good Morning,

I applaud your efforts to understand your part in the affair and to hold yourself accountable to changing and becoming healthy. You are so very right that setting about to better understand yourself will benefit you no matter the outcome of your marriage.

 

It is only natural that you are not 100% sure whether you want to reconcile your marriage. Considerable damage has been done. Certainly your husband's actions and attitude are an affront to a 20 year marriage! Knowing if he has the motivation and capacity to be that trusting, loyal, and loving man of the past is an uncertainty.

 

I agree that getting him into counseling - whether individual or couple - is necessary if there is to be any hope of reconciliation.

 

Because you cannot control his behavior or make decisions for him, all you can do at this point is to ask him.By pointing out how you believe it has helped you perhaps he will see the benefits.From what you wrote, he does sound ambivalent about his current status. Whether that ambivalence is enough motivation is another question.

 

In the meantime, I encourage you to remember that you have only one life to live. You have made significant steps in seeking a healthy lifestyle marked by honesty and transparency. You have much to offer to a loving, respectful, and committed relationship. Choose your future wisely.

 

Dr. Levang

Expert:  Dr. L replied 2 years ago.

Good Morning,

I'm checking back to see if you have posted a reply, or if I can be of further help.

 

Please remember to press the Green Accept button if you are satisfied with my initial response.

 

Many thanks!

Dr. Levang

JustAnswer in the News:

 
 
 
Ask-a-doc Web sites: If you've got a quick question, you can try to get an answer from sites that say they have various specialists on hand to give quick answers... Justanswer.com.
JustAnswer.com...has seen a spike since October in legal questions from readers about layoffs, unemployment and severance.
Web sites like justanswer.com/legal
...leave nothing to chance.
Traffic on JustAnswer rose 14 percent...and had nearly 400,000 page views in 30 days...inquiries related to stress, high blood pressure, drinking and heart pain jumped 33 percent.
Tory Johnson, GMA Workplace Contributor, discusses work-from-home jobs, such as JustAnswer in which verified Experts answer people’s questions.
I will tell you that...the things you have to go through to be an Expert are quite rigorous.
 
 
 

What Customers are Saying:

 
 
 
  • I can go as far as to say it could have resulted in saving my sons life and our entire family now knows what bipolar is and how to assist and understand my most wonderful son, brother and friend to all who loves him dearly. Thank you very much Corrie Moll Pretoria, South Africa
< Last | Next >
  • I can go as far as to say it could have resulted in saving my sons life and our entire family now knows what bipolar is and how to assist and understand my most wonderful son, brother and friend to all who loves him dearly. Thank you very much Corrie Moll Pretoria, South Africa
  • I thank-you so much! It really helped to have this information and confirmation. We will watch her carefully and get her in for the examination and US right away if things do not improve. God bless you as well! Claudia Albuquerque, NM
  • Outstanding response time less than 6 minutes. Answered the question professionally and with a great deal of compassion. Kevin Beaverton, OR
  • Suggested diagnosis was what I hoped and will take this info to my doctor's appointment next week.
    I feel better already! Thank you.
    Elanor Tracy, CA
  • Thank you to the Physician who answered my question today. The answer was far more informative than what I got from the Physicians I saw in person for my problem. Julie Lockesburg, AR
  • You have been more help than you know. I seriously don't know what my sisters situation would be today if you had not gone above and beyond just answering my questions. John and Stefanie Tucson, AZ
  • I have been dealing with an extremely serious health crisis for over three years, and one your physicians asked me more questions, gave me more answers and encouragement than a dozen different doctors who have been treating me!! Janet V Phoenix, AZ
 
 
 

Meet The Experts:

 
 
 
  • Dr. Keane

    Therapist

    Satisfied Customers:

    1262
    Clinical Psychology PhD, Licensed Professional Counselor with experience in marriage/family, teens and child psychology.
< Last | Next >
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/DR/Dr.Keane/2013-8-20_204325_drkeane.64x64.jpg Dr. Keane's Avatar

    Dr. Keane

    Therapist

    Satisfied Customers:

    1262
    Clinical Psychology PhD, Licensed Professional Counselor with experience in marriage/family, teens and child psychology.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/RE/resolutions66/2011-1-17_05728_IMG8202smilingeditedforJustAnswer.64x64.jpg Elliott, LPCC, NCC's Avatar

    Elliott, LPCC, NCC

    Psychotherapist

    Satisfied Customers:

    5024
    35 years of experience as a Licensed Professional Clinical Counselor, National Certified Counselor and a college professor.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/formybunch/2010-12-06_191055_img_0975.jpg Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC's Avatar

    Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC

    Therapist

    Satisfied Customers:

    3733
    Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/DR/DrAkiraOlsen/2012-2-20_746_AkiraADpicmain.64x64.jpg Dr. Olsen's Avatar

    Dr. Olsen

    Psychologist

    Satisfied Customers:

    2336
    PsyD Psychologist
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/norriem/2009-5-27_134249_nm.jpg Norman M.'s Avatar

    Norman M.

    Psychotherapist

    Satisfied Customers:

    2193
    UK trained in hypnotherapy, counselling and psychotherapy and have been in private practice. ADHP(NC), DEHP(NC), UKCP Registered and ECP.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/PsychologyProf/2010-07-15_171248_logos060400409.jpg Dr. Michael's Avatar

    Dr. Michael

    Psychologist

    Satisfied Customers:

    2177
    Licensed Ph.D. Clinical Health Psychology with 30 years of experience in private practive and as a clinical psychology university professor.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/KURTEMMERLING/2010-07-23_215531_just_ask_picture1.jpg Steven Olsen's Avatar

    Steven Olsen

    Therapist

    Satisfied Customers:

    1727
    More than twenty years of expertise in counseling, psychological diagnosis and education