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MN Psychiatrist
MN Psychiatrist, Psychiatrist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 792
Experience:  Physician for 17 years, adult psychiatrist for 13 years working with a wide variety of patients.
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I recently started dating a new girl and I am head over heels

Resolved Question:

I recently started dating a new girl and I am head over heels for her. She is beautiful, sexy and amazing and I absolutely want a long term relationship with her - maybe even marriage. the first time we slept together it was great. but the two subsequent times I have not been able to maintain an erection and I am frankly scared. I want to make sure she is happy and want to be able to satisfy her. I have not had a problem like this before. I had performance issues with someone before but I did not want her - was trying to break up in fact
Submitted: 4 years ago.
Category: Mental Health
Expert:  MN Psychiatrist replied 4 years ago.
Hello, I am a psychiatrist.
This sure sounds like it would be frustrating.
For me to best help you with this, I need some more information, such as how long you have been together, and how would you describe your relationship? Also, how does she respond when you lose your erection? Have you talked about it? Are you taking ANY medications at all? If so, what are their doses? I'm asking this, because certain medications can absolutely cause problems with sexual functioning.
Customer: replied 4 years ago.

We have been dating for two and a half weeks.

Our relationship is still new so there is still a lot of apprehension there (how so we feel about eachother, what does she like, etc). These past two times we really did not talk about. I performed oral sex and then we held each other and talked about various other subjects. she still seemed happy and did not display displeasure or frustration which i am grateful for.

I do not take any medication and I would estimate my overall health as excellent. I work out 4-5 times per week doing crossfit (combination of weight training and metabolic conditioning).


Expert:  MN Psychiatrist replied 4 years ago.
I see. This is helpful information.
It's the apprehension part that is likely causing this trouble. Since you've been together only a short time, yet you like her enough to have a long-term relationship with her, that puts a LOT of pressure on you, because you want to ensure she'll feel the same way (so that you do have a long-term relationship). On top of this, since you don't know her very well as a person yet, you don't know exactly how she feels about you and your sexual relationship. That adds more pressure.

The BEST thing you can do is to make her laugh and listen to her, and if you cannot keep an erection again, you might even something to add a little levity to the situation.
She might be thinking that you aren't that attracted to her, and she needs to know that that's not the case.
Does this make sense?
Customer: replied 4 years ago.
That does make sense and I make it a point to let her know how attracted I am to her. that helps with the relationship issue is there anything else I can do to fix the performance side?
Expert:  MN Psychiatrist replied 4 years ago.
Sometimes it can be helpful to take the pressure off by telling yourself that you're not going to have intercourse - that you'll still be physical, though. Then, it takes the pressure off and you can enjoy each other without the performance anxiety. Part of this, though, is the understanding that things likely will proceed to the point of having intercourse, and that's okay. The hope is that if you've gone more slowly - without expectations (this is key) - you may well have no problems with performing.
Keep it fun, and have fun It can make a big difference.
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