How JustAnswer Works:

  • Ask an Expert
    Experts are full of valuable knowledge and are ready to help with any question. Credentials confirmed by a Fortune 500 verification firm.
  • Get a Professional Answer
    Via email, text message, or notification as you wait on our site.
    Ask follow up questions if you need to.
  • 100% Satisfaction Guarantee
    Rate the answer you receive.

Ask David Akiva Your Own Question

David Akiva
David Akiva, BA, MA,
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 167
Experience:  Counselor; Behavioral Consultant
57833540
Type Your Mental Health Question Here...
David Akiva is online now
A new question is answered every 9 seconds

I have been with my husband almost 5 years. We have 2 wonderful

Customer Question

I have been with my husband almost 5 years. We have 2 wonderful children. I am at my wits end. I have cut back on my work hours (almost nil), finshing my phD and taking care of all the home stuff. I cook, clean, laundry etc. I never get a "break" as we do not have any help or family. I am happy to be with the kids, and would not want otherwise hwoever, a bit of respect and thankfulness from my husband's behalf would be nice. He works long days and I respect this and try to make his world a better place by making diner, lunches iron his clothes and prepare fun things to do as a family on our days "off". Meanwhile, I am up until wee hours making sure our life is organized and set for the next day.
Where the problems strikes is his lack of enthousiasm for our "marriage". We recently found a great babysitter and have goen on dates. However, after much complaining and nagging, I told him it was his turn to organize a night out. I booked the sitter and he had over a month's notice which I constantly reminded him to do soemthing. Well, tomorrow is the day and nothing has been planned. I had booked adiner reservation since I knew he hadn't and now cancelled. I cannot take this anymore. He put 0 effort into our marriage, has no interest in sec (i have ALWAYS initiated it and have to suggest everything). He never cooks, never cleans, never helps with laundry or irnoning unlcess he needs something for himself. While I am [pulling my hair out to make sure they are all happy, he takes care of himself. I am really unhappy. He is a wonderful father but terrible husband. He does not cheat or drink. He does put the kids to bed so I can go out to "run errands". FUN! I have asked him several times to go to counselling and he refuses or does not take the time or seriousness of doing so. He is a Dr. and I guess he married his work, not me however, I too have my life, responsibilites but put everyone, inclyding him ahead. Thinking of separating but I dont' want to do this to the kids. They are babies and me being unhappy is second to their happiness. HELP!
Submitted: 2 years ago.
Category: Mental Health
Expert:  David Akiva replied 2 years ago.

DuddyH :

Welcome, I'm a professional counselor and behavioral-consultant. I'd like to chat with you for a few moments to better understand your question.

DuddyH :

I'm just going to take a moment to read over your question again...

DuddyH :

Ok. I've re-read your question again. I'd like to chat with you still and perhaps answer your question with in the context of chatting with you.

Customer:

sure

DuddyH :

Thank you...

DuddyH :

to start off with, I am very sorry to hear that you are going through this right now. It must be incredibly difficult. In my experience as couple-counselor, I've learned that one of the keys to a healthy long term marriage (with all of it's incredible and protective benefits for the whole family) is that basic relationship needs are met reciprocally. And where they can't be met for reason's outside of the couple's control they are at least explored. What are top 2 most important things you need from your relationship right now?

DuddyH :

What do you really need from your husband that you are not getting right now, the most?

Customer:

respect/support and aknowledgment of all the things I do for him and the family. the kids are too young to say thank you and understand. He is the only person who is capable of appreciating what I do for them and make gestures to say thank you. This is both true for the relationship and being a parent.

DuddyH :

Is it more the heart felt expressed acknowledgement or do you need actual support more in the form of shared work load?

DuddyH :

..or both equally?

Customer:

No, the work load I can handle. Despite, me doing everything (I was mowing teh lawn 8 months pregnant). But I'm fine with that. It is simple gesture such as him making sure we are taken care of before he leaves. Taking charge in more responsiblities, especially in our relationship.

DuddyH :

Would you mind clarifying what you mean by "taken care of before he leaves." and, "Taking charge in more responsibilities"?

DuddyH :

Would you mind giving a concrete, best example of both?

Customer:

I can't . Now I have to go attend to the kids. This is what I get, 5 minutes to try to solve everything.

David Akiva, BA, MA,
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 167
Experience: Counselor; Behavioral Consultant
David Akiva and 2 other Mental Health Specialists are ready to help you

JustAnswer in the News:

 
 
 
Ask-a-doc Web sites: If you've got a quick question, you can try to get an answer from sites that say they have various specialists on hand to give quick answers... Justanswer.com.
JustAnswer.com...has seen a spike since October in legal questions from readers about layoffs, unemployment and severance.
Web sites like justanswer.com/legal
...leave nothing to chance.
Traffic on JustAnswer rose 14 percent...and had nearly 400,000 page views in 30 days...inquiries related to stress, high blood pressure, drinking and heart pain jumped 33 percent.
Tory Johnson, GMA Workplace Contributor, discusses work-from-home jobs, such as JustAnswer in which verified Experts answer people’s questions.
I will tell you that...the things you have to go through to be an Expert are quite rigorous.
 
 
 

What Customers are Saying:

 
 
 
  • I can go as far as to say it could have resulted in saving my sons life and our entire family now knows what bipolar is and how to assist and understand my most wonderful son, brother and friend to all who loves him dearly. Thank you very much Corrie Moll Pretoria, South Africa
< Last | Next >
  • I can go as far as to say it could have resulted in saving my sons life and our entire family now knows what bipolar is and how to assist and understand my most wonderful son, brother and friend to all who loves him dearly. Thank you very much Corrie Moll Pretoria, South Africa
  • I thank-you so much! It really helped to have this information and confirmation. We will watch her carefully and get her in for the examination and US right away if things do not improve. God bless you as well! Claudia Albuquerque, NM
  • Outstanding response time less than 6 minutes. Answered the question professionally and with a great deal of compassion. Kevin Beaverton, OR
  • Suggested diagnosis was what I hoped and will take this info to my doctor's appointment next week.
    I feel better already! Thank you.
    Elanor Tracy, CA
  • Thank you to the Physician who answered my question today. The answer was far more informative than what I got from the Physicians I saw in person for my problem. Julie Lockesburg, AR
  • You have been more help than you know. I seriously don't know what my sisters situation would be today if you had not gone above and beyond just answering my questions. John and Stefanie Tucson, AZ
  • I have been dealing with an extremely serious health crisis for over three years, and one your physicians asked me more questions, gave me more answers and encouragement than a dozen different doctors who have been treating me!! Janet V Phoenix, AZ
 
 
 

Meet The Experts:

 
 
 
  • Dr. Keane

    Therapist

    Satisfied Customers:

    1262
    Clinical Psychology PhD, Licensed Professional Counselor with experience in marriage/family, teens and child psychology.
< Last | Next >
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/DR/Dr.Keane/2013-8-20_204325_drkeane.64x64.jpg Dr. Keane's Avatar

    Dr. Keane

    Therapist

    Satisfied Customers:

    1262
    Clinical Psychology PhD, Licensed Professional Counselor with experience in marriage/family, teens and child psychology.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/RE/resolutions66/2011-1-17_05728_IMG8202smilingeditedforJustAnswer.64x64.jpg Elliott, LPCC, NCC's Avatar

    Elliott, LPCC, NCC

    Psychotherapist

    Satisfied Customers:

    5024
    35 years of experience as a Licensed Professional Clinical Counselor, National Certified Counselor and a college professor.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/formybunch/2010-12-06_191055_img_0975.jpg Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC's Avatar

    Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC

    Therapist

    Satisfied Customers:

    3733
    Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/DR/DrAkiraOlsen/2012-2-20_746_AkiraADpicmain.64x64.jpg Dr. Olsen's Avatar

    Dr. Olsen

    Psychologist

    Satisfied Customers:

    2336
    PsyD Psychologist
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/norriem/2009-5-27_134249_nm.jpg Norman M.'s Avatar

    Norman M.

    Psychotherapist

    Satisfied Customers:

    2193
    UK trained in hypnotherapy, counselling and psychotherapy and have been in private practice. ADHP(NC), DEHP(NC), UKCP Registered and ECP.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/PsychologyProf/2010-07-15_171248_logos060400409.jpg Dr. Michael's Avatar

    Dr. Michael

    Psychologist

    Satisfied Customers:

    2177
    Licensed Ph.D. Clinical Health Psychology with 30 years of experience in private practive and as a clinical psychology university professor.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/KURTEMMERLING/2010-07-23_215531_just_ask_picture1.jpg Steven Olsen's Avatar

    Steven Olsen

    Therapist

    Satisfied Customers:

    1727
    More than twenty years of expertise in counseling, psychological diagnosis and education