Ask a Psychiatrist and Get Answers to Mental Health Questions ASAP
Hi! I believe I can be of help with this issue.
I can imagine how worrisome and distressing this situation must be for you. This has been going on for a while and it doesn't seem to be getting better. So that's worrisome. And it feeds into your worry about being satisfying to him. And so that's distressing.
But before we go into drastic action mode, let's first see if fine tuning the sex between you two will have therapeutic effect. If not, then you can write back and I'll be glad to recommend the more drastic actions that can be taken. But it's good to start first with the smaller changes as most marriages after a while need freshening.
It does not sound as though there's any extramarital activity going on. That's good. It sounds as though he's getting less and less confident about himself, though. Men get that way and express it in different ways than women. So our goal is to "bring him out" sexually. That doesn't mean you go into heavy duty female fantasy mode. But you can try being more seductive and that may help a lot:
There's nothing wrong with a trip to Victoria's Secret or online buying more seductive somethings. Not too many. Don't overwhelm.
And there's nothing wrong with you asking (very innocently...) if he would be interested in watching a sexy movie. You may not be into porn, most women aren't, and if so, that's fine. You might leave this one alone. Or tone it down to a video that actually has a plot and is a movie.
Next is Kegel exercises. That's to strengthen your vaginal muscles. Here's the Mayo Clinic entry on them:
And in fact, you might consider exercise. Exercise regularly at least 4-5 times a week and become knowledgeable about it. If you would prefer videos at home, go to www.collagevideo.com and look at all the videos available. That site lets you preview them and has the leading instructors.
Let's pause: yes, I know I'm making all the suggestions for you and none for him. Two reasons. You're the one writing. But more importantly, men are funny creatures. We need to seduce our wives when we're at our prime and to be seduced as we get older, more stressed out, and less confident about ourselves. So don't forget this principle. It's honorable for the wife to be the seductress (not go overboard on this but I hope you see the idea) and not some other woman he might meet somewhere.
Now for toys: suction vibrators can help. Any vibrator can also be useful. Let him play with it on you, play with it on him as well.
If he would like to try Viagra, you can ease him into it that it's not weird in your eyes and you've "even heard" some women talking about their husband asking his doctor for a prescription and was glad it sounded so normal.
And finally, keep telling him how great he is. Yes, stroke his ego. As men age this becomes the biggest aphrodisiac. They're out there and it's brutal for men as they age and younger men are trying to get their jobs, clients, or income. Comparing themselves is inevitable. Self doubt creeps in. Wives' opinions lessen of their men. This leads to isolation, masturbation, etc.
Okay, I wish you the very best!
Please remember to click the green accept button because: even though you have made a deposit, I do not get paid for my time unless you press ACCEPT. You are not charged anything more than the deposit you already made by pressing ACCEPT. Feel free to continue the discussion even after pressing ACCEPT as my goal is to get you the best answer possible. Bonuses are always appreciated! If I can be of further help with any issue now or in the future, just put "for Dr. Mark" in the front of your new question, and I'll be the one to answer it. All the best, XXXXX XXXXX