Hi, this is Dr. Colby.Your situation sounds pretty tense. I'd like to get a little more info, first, and maybe ask some questions. Basically, can you give my more info about your history of this kind of lashing out verbally, if any, especially to people you care a lot about? Has it ever been accompanied by a physical expressed of anger or frustration other than something benign like slapping your hand on the table? Do you have a history of any illegal drug use and was that a factor this time? How about alcohol? How about excessive caffeine? Are you taking prescribed medication and, if so, for what? You mentioned flashbacks ... of the rape? Of something else? So, please fill in the history for yourself a little so I can get a better handle on what to suggest. Thanks.
my lashing out is just me feeling worthless and that he doesnt understand me mainly ifeel unappreciated. i dont physically get angry i usualy hide in my room and run away from situations. no illegal drug use i have never used drugs i do not drink.when i was rapped it happened wen i was drunk and so ive never drunk again.no caffeine either. i have barely eaten or drunk today. and i hav lost interest in my son a bit. and no i havent been on any medication.yes flashbacks of rape i get them every now and again.when i was rapped it was at night and by my friends brothers friend. i was tied up and couldnt move. i find it very hard even now to have sex with my fiance and i cant have an orgasm because i dont enjoy it so we stop alot.
This is very helpful. Thank you for revealing so much. To help me help you, can you tell me if there is a particular reason you have not returned to the psychologist, other than that s/he moved, or you moved, or something like that? In other words, was your experience in treatment at all negative and, if so, generally why?
my last visit to my psychologist was about a year/ year and a half ago.my life wa sorted a bit better. i only started studying mid last yr. i was not depressed but recently it has triggered again. i have also moved up to brisbane and my psychologist was in northern nsw.
as u can tell i can open up about my rape now.i didnt tell anyone about it until i was 19 years old. and even now i have alot of trust issues. i also was previously in a verbally and physically abusive relationship (he had also put his hands on me before)
Well, distance can be a hassle.OK, it seems pretty clear to me -- and perhaps to you, too -- that more intervention is needed. Do you know if there are either public or private mental health resources fairly close by, like, within a couple hours' driving distance? Finding something close beats the heck out of driving forever and ever for an hour's appointment. Specifically, are there high quality public sources available, like mental health outpatient facilities, or the same connected to a hospital?
there is one hospital nearby but i dont have family here i live on my own at the moment so i dont have family to mind my son.
And how old is your son?
he is 3 years old
Hmm. You mentioned Brisbane. Might there be day care centers around that could take him for about 90 minutes, or so, or some other community group you'd trust, so you could go to weekly appointments for a while?
i could maybe put him in daycare tomorrow and go and see someone.
i have been having thoughts of suicide again so i probably should
OK. Well, here's what I think you need -- please don't be offended by my directness -- and how important it is for you to get something going for yourself.There could be many reasons for your lashing out, but the most likely, I think, is that under stress, you (like everyone else) fall back on your emergency system, and with a history like you have had of having people you are supposed to be able to trust abusing you horribly (rape is brutal under the best of conditions), that might be to lash out in defense against perceived threat. Even if it is not a real threat.
So, continuing, this can get destructive to relationships, to you, to everyone. Intervention can work, but you have to be willing to try it.
Individual therapy may help you, and you may also need to see someone who can prescribe a medication to relieve the nightmare you feel yourself falling back into. There are some that are more benign than others. Be an aware consumer and ask a LOT of questions before just taking anything.
As for the therapy, there's a pretty good chance you are going to remember the good stuff you learned, before, and build on it.
Is there any chance your sweetie will forgive (I am assuming he is and will, but I could be wrong)? Is there any chance he could be involved in the therapy, since you are already developing into an interpersonal system with him?
I'm going to "save and exit" so I can be sure you get this. Please write back if this sounds good, and then I will release the "accept" button so you can accept if you wish. We can continue to talk whether you do or not; that's up to you.
Hope this makes sense. I really appreciate your willingness to open up as you have.
yes there is he is willing to help i just have recently shut him out. he already told me it hasn't changed anything he still love me and wants to marry me. he just isnt full aware of how depressed i get.
Well, there you have it. Your most special resource is willing to be involved. This is very good news. So, I suggest you make initial contact with a therapist by phone, tomorrow, even call 1-3 and find out how they work and if they would be willing to involve your sweetie, too. Consult with him (and do it again, and do it again), and then move toward a decision. Don't let the grass grow under your feet, however! You have made a great start at getting a handle on this thing before it "handles you" (sorry, I pun when it's late).Let me know if you want more info or discussion. You can always request me by simply putting my name, Dr. Colby, at the start of any message. I'm releasing the "accept" button, now, in case you are feeling like you have a solid plan of action in mind. However, in doing so, I am definitely trying to cut you off.
ok thankyou for your help.
Do you have enough of a response, now, or are you wanting more? If so, let me know how, and we will continue?
Well, I haven't heard back, so I am assuming you are feeling clearer, now. If I am wrong, please do not hesitate to reopen the conversation. That's what I (and all of us) are here for. If you want additional information from someone else before doing the "accept" thing, my feelings will not be hurt, believe me. Just indicate you want someone else to respond, and I will "opt out," clearing the way. Otherwise, I have enjoyed the privilege of working with you on this difficult matter ... that is perhaps seeming a little more hopeful, now. Dr. C
If I have provided the help you were seeking, please let me know in a response, here, or press the "accept" button and provide me some feedback about my services. Thanks.