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You sound like you are facing a moral and emotional dilemma. It also sounds like you are a committed family man and would not have been in this position if your family was with you. You don't sound like you have a real reason to leave your family and start a new one without complicating your life and strapping yourself with child support and alimony payments to the point of financial exhaustion. You are very wise to postpone your new relationship till you are reunited with your family and them make a decision rather than going behind your family's back and suffer the scourge of your children and wife.
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I am sorry this site just had pased in the last paragraph on its own. please disregard it
Any reaction to my first paragraph?
yes, I wanted to add to add that we had an intimate encounter twice. the time between the two encounters was 6 weeks . what does that tell?
It means that you need to make a decision. I would recommend that you wait till your wife to comes back to do anything and then think about what you want to do next. You have three alternatives (1) stay with your wife and not tell her (2) stay and tell her. and (3) separate and go with this new woman. You need to spend a good deal of time exploring the consequences of your actions. You also should think about getting some therapy to discover why you got into this situation since there is a high probability that you will do it again.
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You need to look to the future which you can change and have control over more than looking back in despair.
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