Seeking advice. Schools are taking a stand against bullies among our children, but what about the adult bullies or should I say manipulative behavior? How do you handle a woman with this so called manipulative behavior over your son?
This is a problem we are enduring over the past year and a half involving our son (age 30) and his girlfriend (age 36?). They have been together since ~ the Spring of 2008.
Our son and she have a child together, age 14 months, expecting another and run a business together. With the first pregnancy, our son was initially concerned and confused when he told us they were having a baby. We asked if he was happy about the baby and he said yes. We asked if he loved the mother for which he said no. That answer changed to yes about 6-7 months ago. At any rate we let it be known to the mother we were happy for them and offered any assistance they needed. The baby was born in November of 2010.
We thought we had a good relationship to start which was the spring of 2008 but during the planning of her baby shower the fall of 2010, she became more and more distant with us. It was at this time, we began observing her constant dictating requests to our son including maintaining the environment around her, where to go, how long they stay and with whom they go out with. She also displays symptoms of OCD by her obsession with a clean house and things on a schedule…her schedule that is. Her own girlfriend confirmed the OCD in a conversation when planning the baby shower. Her mom, sister and girlfriend and I exchanged many pleasantries during the planning and following the baby shower which was frowned on by this woman. As of the summer of 2011, she wanted no contact made between families and she refused to allow our son to bring the baby to our house or anywhere for that manner. She asked my son and then followed up with a voice message to me to cut off all ties with her family because “we are not family”. I sent a letter to try to remedy this strained relationship and suggested we meet. She responded with a threatening e-mail. She had two separate birthday parties for the baby so our families did not meet.
Unfortunately, we are finding as the time passes our son has been more accepting of her behavior, defends her and has no issue regarding the distance with the family. This past Christmas Eve, we (me, my husband, son, baby’s mother and baby) actually had what one could describe as a normal visit and I would like to think we can move forward. I wish I could believe this but as of early December 2011, my son and daughter are not speaking to each other due to the issues with the mother of the baby.
We have a strong and supportive family both with our other two children and extended family unlike what we see of the relationship the baby’s mother has with her parents and sibling, It breaks our hearts to see how she treats her parents and sister. They appear to be such nice people. It is as if she is apparently working to break ours. This woman’s behavior has hurt not only our immediate family but our extended family as well as they have not been allowed to see the baby either excepting for the invitation to the Dedication/Christening and the one year birthday party. My son had to leave my mother’s funeral to pick her up to bring her and the baby to the funeral breakfast even though she has her own car.
We have always had respect for people’s boundaries but her boundaries are so restricted, they are disrespectful to us. You may ask, what is wrong with our son. Well, he is just too good and has “take advantage of me” written on his forehead.
To make matters worse, she is overly possessed with having a medical condition applied to the baby beginning with Autism
/High Sensory Need Infant and Reflux. They have often used this as an excuse not to visit us or attend a family gathering. Personally, I do not believe she is as “high maintenance” as the mother makes her out to be but she has asked for help from one friend who helps with the baby 3-4 times per week.
We consulted a lawyer regarding Grandparent’s rights who basically told us without having our son in our corner, we are up a creek without a paddle.
I believe that partners in a relationship can either blend, or be at opposite poles with regard to their personalities but if only one changes, this is a result of one powering over the other and frankly, I find that a crime.
You may have already had this topic on one or more of your shows, and if so, I would be interested in viewing the tapes if your staff would direct me to the appropriate web site. Your voice means so much to the people and bullying
is such a hot topic. Is this not a severe form of bullying? My husband and I would love to speak to you privately in this matter if you find this worthy of your time. Going public with this would probably only sever our relationship more. We are concerned over the welfare of the children.