How JustAnswer Works:

  • Ask an Expert
    Experts are full of valuable knowledge and are ready to help with any question. Credentials confirmed by a Fortune 500 verification firm.
  • Get a Professional Answer
    Via email, text message, or notification as you wait on our site.
    Ask follow up questions if you need to.
  • 100% Satisfaction Guarantee
    Rate the answer you receive.

Ask Ask Eleanor Your Own Question

Ask Eleanor
Ask Eleanor, Psychotherapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 1517
Experience:  Marriage & Family Therapist/Prof. Counselor for 20 years
Type Your Mental Health Question Here...
Ask Eleanor is online now
A new question is answered every 9 seconds

Hi. Im a student currently going through a very rough period

Customer Question

Hi. I'm a student currently going through a very rough period of both family and relationship tribulation. I'm worried that my fiancee is depressed and he refuses to even think about therapy of any kind. I find, however, that a lot of his anger and sadness manifests itself when I try to bring up anything about our relationship. I feel that I can't talk to him about anything anymore and choked off. I want to fix things, but he just refuses to work with me. Instead of fixing anything, he gets mad and sad and we end up fighting. I love him very much and want to save our relationship for the long term!
What do I do here?
Submitted: 2 years ago.
Category: Mental Health
Expert:  Ask Eleanor replied 2 years ago.

Ask Eleanor :

Hello, I am here for you and am happy to respond. Give me a moment to carefully read over your question.

Customer :

Hi. And of course. Thank you.

Ask Eleanor :

I am very sorry to hear this, dear. How long have you been in this relationship?

Customer :

almost two years

Customer :

We used to be very very happy together, but the past 10 months or so have been very rocky

Customer :

I'm not sure how to reach him anymore

Ask Eleanor :

Are alcohol or drugs an issue with him?

Customer :

Not at all. He's a very religious Muslim man so he does not drink nor does he do drugs

Ask Eleanor :

Did something happen in his life or in your relationship 10 months ago that was traumatic for him?

Customer :

Not that I can think of.

Customer :

I mean, we had a few arguments about me traveling by myself. He was worried and when I decided to go anyway, he felt that I was disrespecting him.

Ask Eleanor :

Are you Muslim?

Customer :

Yes, I'm a convert. I converted before meeting him.

Ask Eleanor :

Are you both from the US?

Customer :

Kind of. He was born here, lived out his childhood in Bangladesh, and then moved back here for high school.

Customer :

He experienced a lot of discrimination after 9/11 and now...it seems like that past pain is catching up to him...

Ask Eleanor :

Sorry to hear this.

Ask Eleanor :

So, it sounds like he is a very conservative Muslim, while you are more liberal, expecially when it comes to women.

Ask Eleanor :

Correct?

Customer :

not quite. He's actually quite liberal.

Customer :

like...he doesn't really like it when I sit down with unmarried men

Customer :

but he will not sit down with unmarried women

Ask Eleanor :

But not so liberal when it comes to you?

Customer :

he lets me lead the prayer sometimes and he's probably one of the most liberal Muslim men I know.

Customer :

I'm not sure how familiar you are with the customs, but women are almost unanimously lead in prayer, forbidden from even standing next to the man, which we both think is a stupid convention

Customer :

it's more that, in a few cases, he has different ideas about how to-be-married people should act

Ask Eleanor :

I am referring his feeling disrespected when you traveled alone.

Customer :

He said that I didn't listen to him

Customer :

a claim that he often levels at me

Customer :

he often often feels that I just disregard him whenever I don't automatically take his advice.

Ask Eleanor :

Well, that's not good.

Customer :

and that seems very...insecure to me.

Customer :

yeah.

Ask Eleanor :

I know that he has refused, but I truly believe that your relationship will not survive unless you have couples therapy. Do you think he would be more open to therapy if you could see a multi-cultural therapist?

Customer :

No. He says that it will compromise his family's honor if he seeks a therapist.

Customer :

I told him I wanted to see one and he was highly opposed.

Ask Eleanor :

Well, you are struggling with cultural differences here that are not going to be resolved without professional help. I strongly recommend that you see a therapist yourself. Since he is not open to change in your relationship, you need to sort through your feelings and decide if you can live with things the way they are. A big decision!!

Ask Eleanor :

Would you like me to recommend threapist for you?

Customer :

No, it's alright.

Ask Eleanor :

therapists?

Customer :

I have a service at my grad school.

Ask Eleanor :

Oh, that's wonderful! And you will make an appt.?

Customer :

Yeah, tomorrow morning.

Customer :

I'm worried about telling him that I'm going, but I think it'll be best.

Ask Eleanor :

Yes, it is definitely the thing to do. Any further questions, dear?

Customer :

No, that's alright, thank you.

Ask Eleanor :

You are very welcome. It has been my pleasure. Please remember to click on the green accept button so that I will receive credit for my professional time and response. I wish you all the best, take care, Eleanor

JustAnswer in the News:

 
 
 
Ask-a-doc Web sites: If you've got a quick question, you can try to get an answer from sites that say they have various specialists on hand to give quick answers... Justanswer.com.
JustAnswer.com...has seen a spike since October in legal questions from readers about layoffs, unemployment and severance.
Web sites like justanswer.com/legal
...leave nothing to chance.
Traffic on JustAnswer rose 14 percent...and had nearly 400,000 page views in 30 days...inquiries related to stress, high blood pressure, drinking and heart pain jumped 33 percent.
Tory Johnson, GMA Workplace Contributor, discusses work-from-home jobs, such as JustAnswer in which verified Experts answer people’s questions.
I will tell you that...the things you have to go through to be an Expert are quite rigorous.
 
 
 

What Customers are Saying:

 
 
 
  • I can go as far as to say it could have resulted in saving my sons life and our entire family now knows what bipolar is and how to assist and understand my most wonderful son, brother and friend to all who loves him dearly. Thank you very much Corrie Moll Pretoria, South Africa
< Last | Next >
  • I can go as far as to say it could have resulted in saving my sons life and our entire family now knows what bipolar is and how to assist and understand my most wonderful son, brother and friend to all who loves him dearly. Thank you very much Corrie Moll Pretoria, South Africa
  • I thank-you so much! It really helped to have this information and confirmation. We will watch her carefully and get her in for the examination and US right away if things do not improve. God bless you as well! Claudia Albuquerque, NM
  • Outstanding response time less than 6 minutes. Answered the question professionally and with a great deal of compassion. Kevin Beaverton, OR
  • Suggested diagnosis was what I hoped and will take this info to my doctor's appointment next week.
    I feel better already! Thank you.
    Elanor Tracy, CA
  • Thank you to the Physician who answered my question today. The answer was far more informative than what I got from the Physicians I saw in person for my problem. Julie Lockesburg, AR
  • You have been more help than you know. I seriously don't know what my sisters situation would be today if you had not gone above and beyond just answering my questions. John and Stefanie Tucson, AZ
  • I have been dealing with an extremely serious health crisis for over three years, and one your physicians asked me more questions, gave me more answers and encouragement than a dozen different doctors who have been treating me!! Janet V Phoenix, AZ
 
 
 

Meet The Experts:

 
 
 
  • Dr. Keane

    Therapist

    Satisfied Customers:

    1262
    Clinical Psychology PhD, Licensed Professional Counselor with experience in marriage/family, teens and child psychology.
< Last | Next >
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/DR/Dr.Keane/2013-8-20_204325_drkeane.64x64.jpg Dr. Keane's Avatar

    Dr. Keane

    Therapist

    Satisfied Customers:

    1262
    Clinical Psychology PhD, Licensed Professional Counselor with experience in marriage/family, teens and child psychology.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/RE/resolutions66/2011-1-17_05728_IMG8202smilingeditedforJustAnswer.64x64.jpg Elliott, LPCC, NCC's Avatar

    Elliott, LPCC, NCC

    Psychotherapist

    Satisfied Customers:

    5024
    35 years of experience as a Licensed Professional Clinical Counselor, National Certified Counselor and a college professor.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/formybunch/2010-12-06_191055_img_0975.jpg Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC's Avatar

    Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC

    Therapist

    Satisfied Customers:

    3733
    Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/DR/DrAkiraOlsen/2012-2-20_746_AkiraADpicmain.64x64.jpg Dr. Olsen's Avatar

    Dr. Olsen

    Psychologist

    Satisfied Customers:

    2336
    PsyD Psychologist
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/norriem/2009-5-27_134249_nm.jpg Norman M.'s Avatar

    Norman M.

    Psychotherapist

    Satisfied Customers:

    2193
    UK trained in hypnotherapy, counselling and psychotherapy and have been in private practice. ADHP(NC), DEHP(NC), UKCP Registered and ECP.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/PsychologyProf/2010-07-15_171248_logos060400409.jpg Dr. Michael's Avatar

    Dr. Michael

    Psychologist

    Satisfied Customers:

    2177
    Licensed Ph.D. Clinical Health Psychology with 30 years of experience in private practive and as a clinical psychology university professor.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/KURTEMMERLING/2010-07-23_215531_just_ask_picture1.jpg Steven Olsen's Avatar

    Steven Olsen

    Therapist

    Satisfied Customers:

    1727
    More than twenty years of expertise in counseling, psychological diagnosis and education
 
 
 

Related Mental Health Questions