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Welcome, I'm a professional counselor and behavioral-consultant. I'd like to chat with you for a few moments to better understand your question and the situation you're describing.
I'd really like Suzanne to answer my question. When I type "ASK SUZANNE" in the first sentance the other people just pass on my question and Suzanne eventually reads and gets my question. Please let me know if I should re-post my question. Thanks, Jen
No problem. I'm very sorry. I didn't know who Dear Suzanne was. I thought it was a "Dear Dr Phil" type question. I'm sending the question back out right now.
Hi, I am a Moderator with Just Answer, when your Expert comes back on line she will see your question and will assist you. If I can help further, please let me know. Thank you for your continued patience:-)
Sorry for the confusion...
I'm curious about her calling you an enabler. Unless he has addiction problems that you haven't mentioned, I can't see how you having a job would be "enabling." Most men can still find the motivation to work even if their wife is working too. Ah well, remember that saying about opinions being like noses... Just because she said it doesn't make it true...
It's easy to fall into the trap of judging ourselves against others. But remember, you are only seeing what they let you see of their lives. Very, very few people have perfect lives. If they did, they wouldn't feel the need to look at yours. You know how, when you're happy, you care less about other people and how they live? If they were really as happy as you think they are (or as they try to see) , they would not be paying as much attention to what you are doing.
There will always be people in life who have more, do more, are richer, prettier, have better jobs than any of us. You'll drive yourself into despair if you judge your life by other people's exterior appearances. Take it from me as a therapist--often the people who come into therapy who look as if they have it all together, are really the most unhappy people of all. They put a lot of attention into external appearances (money, bragging) to hide the pain inside.
You have a wonderful baby and a husband who loves you are has stayed by your side through some tough times. There are lots of women who would give anything to have what you have--even though it isn't perfect. I bet people who don't know your situation look at you and your life and feel very, very jealous.
Them not being able to pay their mortgage or have health insurance actually proves my point...You can't judge from the outward appearance. Can you imagine the stress of living like that? They can be mortgaged to the hilt, "own" stuff, and look good from the outside, but be leading lives full of stress on the inside.
Not everyone is cut out to run their own business. That doesn't mean that when Anthony lands in the right job, that he can't move up the ladder eventually. And besides, him being easy going most likely also makes him very easy to live with...which, if you had to make a choice between being rich and happy...most people would choose happy.
PS: although from your current prospective having a husband who "can't keep his hands off" probably sounds pretty good right now--the flip side of that is living with a man who expects/demands sex no matter how you're feeling, and that can be very unpleasant as well.